7 Tips for the Perfect Date Night
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Sally and I had a great idea for 2016: set aside a minimum of one evening per month to go out on a date. Halfway through the year, our only regret is that we don’t have the luxury of doing it more often. It’s one of the best parts of our month, because as busy parents we recognize the rarity of the opportunity to go out and spend time with each other face to face. Here are some tips that we have found helpful in our efforts to make this a Crippen tradition.
1. Skip the movies and go eat food.
Rule number one with our date nights is that they are always date dinners. We’re not against movies (in fact, we often follow up our date dinners with a movie at home), but we believe that food is one of the things that makes life beautiful. We’ve talked about this before on our podcast (here and here), and even though it sounds silly, it is the truth. Humans are the only species who meticulously prepare a meal to be enjoyed in communal fashion, and this proclivity is one of the things that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. In Michael Pollan’s words, “When we learned to cook is when we became fully human.” So embrace that distinction and go share a meal together.
2. Try out a new restaurant every time.
In St. Louis, Sally and I have recently enjoyed the fine Ethiopian fare of Meskerem (it was insane) and the Peruvian complexities of Mango (it defied my highest expectations). With each of these, we were trying a restaurant at which we had not eaten previously, and sampling dishes that we could barely pronounce. It was a lot of fun to hear about each others’ likes and dislikes, or have certain aspects of the food highlighted that might have otherwise gone unnoticed on a single palate. Trying a new restaurant really enhances the date night. I will add that this rule can certainly be broken — everyone has those one or two restaurants at which they wouldn’t mind dining 7 days a week, and it’s ok to enjoy a classic favorite with your special someone very now and then. But the broader point here is to focus on having new experiences on your date nights, because sharing a new experience helps you learn about the other person.
3. Order dishes to share.
This one was a tough one for me. I generally have the appetite of a chocaholic Tyrannosaurus Rex, and almost always balk at the idea of sharing anything on my plate. But on a date night, it’s a great idea for a couple of reasons. First, see above: sharing helps you experience unique dishes together. It is a disappointing thing when you have amazing food all by yourself, because you want someone to share in your appreciation. “Oh my word, these fried plantains are perfectly seasoned — but don’t have any because they’re all mine!” doesn’t really feel very fun.” But the more important reason why I think you should share dishes is that it is important for couples to learn to give to each other. My own example is instructive: voluntarily sharing what I would otherwise horde to myself is a reflection of what my job is in my marriage. This relationship isn’t about me, and the date night shouldn’t be either.
4. Bring a list of things to talk about.
The internet has a bunch of lists out there (like here, here, and here) to get conversation going on a date night. These are often designed for couples who are still starting to get to know each other, but for couples who have been married for years they’re sometimes even better. We love tackling these on our dates, and frequently surprise each other with our answers! Another idea is for you to make your own list. And these don’t have to be profound at all. They can range from “What would you name our puppy if we got one next year?” to the more philosophical “If you could have three people from history over for dinner, who would they be?”
5. Leave the cell phones in the car.
We actually instituted this rule a while ago and have never looked back. For those of you who (like us) have little ones at home with a babysitter, you can leave one phone in the car but put the other on ‘Do Not Disturb.’ (Most phones have a setting that will let you designate the babysitter’s number as a “favorite” that will still ring your phone.) If that’s too complicated, just make a pact that the phones don’t come out of pockets or purses unless they ring, and that they don’t get answered unless it’s the babysitter. It’s a lot of fun to see what types of conversation can arise if your phone’s screen is not there to constantly beckon you into the interwebz. Bonus points if you also ban phones at your home dinner table, something we began a few months ago.
6. Go on a walk after dinner.
Okay, so this one has obvious health benefits — much better to go on an after-dinner stroll than to hop into a car and go sit on a sofa. But the nice extra here is that you get to hold hands with each other. The kinesthetic activity of walking together and holding hands actually contributes to a stronger relationship, and the physical act of hand-holding also has less obvious health benefits like fighting stress (I’m not kidding).
7. Get the next date night on the calendar ASAP.
This is the final tip: make sure you’re proactively scheduling date nights so that the chaos of life doesn’t make them impossible. One-on-one time is so important in a healthy marriage, but it too easily falls by the wayside. Make it a priority to schedule your date nights, and make sure your spouse knows that they are a priority for you. Scheduling them early and often helps you communicate those priorities and sets you up for date nights that get progressively better and better.
