He’s So Homosocial

VERVE: She Said
Published in
3 min readSep 15, 2018




  1. relating to social interaction between members of the same sex, typically men.

Men who are not friends with women but just like fucking them.

In sociology, homosociality means same-sex relationships that are not of a romantic or sexual nature, such as friendship, mentorship, or others. The opposite of homosocial is heterosocial, preferring non-sexual relations with the opposite sex. In group relations involving more than two individuals, the relation can be either homosocial (involving same-sex social relations), bi-social involving social relation with both sexes or heterosocial involving only opposite sex. A preference for members of one’s own sex — a social rather than a sexual preference.

Examples of Homosocial men are Trump, Putin (in the extreme) and all the MadMen…

Feminist scholars have focused on how homosociality perpetuates patterns of male dominance. “Metaphorical homosocial reproduction” a term coined by Rosabeth Moss Kanter refers to how men attempt to reproduce their dominant power relations by soley uniting with and sharing the same occupation space and privilege with those males who resemble them.

“Male-male social bonds have a powerful influence on the sexual relations of some young heterosexual men….Homosociality organizes men’s sociosexual relations in at least four ways. For some of these young men, male-male friendships take priority over male-female relations, and platonic friendships with women are dangerously feminizing. Sexual activity is a key path to masculine status, and other men are the audience, always imagined and sometimes real, for one’s sexual activities. Heterosexual sex itself can be the medium through which male bonding is enacted. Last, men’s sexual storytelling is shaped by homosocial masculine cultures.” — Sage

Homosociality is a feminist issue because it oppresses women in all areas of our lives. It keeps us “out of the room” where ideas are being discussed and decisions and plans are made. It’s when a “committee” made up entirely of white men sit around a table making decisions about female reproductive health.

It’s when two or men get together and engage/participate/perpetuate sexism and misogyny with “jokes” and/or activities (ex. strip clubs, shared porn) that objectify women.

A “Bromance” is a homosocial relationship. Fraternities, men’s clubs, male sports teams, the Freemasons, the priesthood, the boardroom, the golf course and fight club are all homosocial.

Sociologist Michael Flood explains how the bonds between boys and young men very much shapes how they relate to women and how they form sexual attitudes and behavior. Male friendship is more often than not built on sharing sexual fantasies about women and their sexual conquest of them. Essentially making women a kind of “currency” men use to raise their social standing among each other.

“Toxic Masculinity” thrives in homosocial cultures and situations making men not just it’s perpetrators but also its victims.

“You see, there’s great native tenderness in children. In boys, as much as in girls. But so often I see boys having the tenderness shamed out of them. Boys and young men are so routinely expected to betray their better natures, to smother their consciences, to renounce the best of themselves and submit to something low and mean. As if there’s only one way of being a bloke, one valid interpretation of the part, the role, if you like. There’s a constant pressure to enlist, to pull on the uniform of misogyny and join the Shithead Army that enforces and polices sexism. And it grieves me to say it’s not just men pressing those kids into service.” — Tim Winton

If you were my daughter and you were interested in and/or attracted to a “man’s man” who loves a good “bromance”, prefers a regular “guys night out” to hanging out with other hetrosocials and if hunting, hanging out with his buddies at the Elks club, fishing and stag dos are his idea of a really good time…*

I would say “Well, that’s a red flag.”

*I know, I know #NotAllMen

Article by VERVE Founder & CFO (Chief Feminist Operative) Anna Quick Palmer