Conversation with Terry B. Murphy on her new book Legends of the Twins Cirpaci
In 2001, Terry B. Murphy and her husband traveled to Romania to adopt their two-year old son. Upon arrival, they received the shocking news that he had a twin sister with special needs living at the same orphanage. Legends of the Twins Cirpaci (Amazon | Barnes and Noble) describes their frantic three-year effort to adopt her and reunite her with her brother, all in the midst of Romania’s moratorium on intercountry adoption as the country attempted to join the European Union. Below, Murphy answers some questions about her new book. -Caitlin Solano, Vesto PR
“Legends of the Twins Cirpaci is a heart-warming and sometimes heart-wrenching tale of a journey of love, determination, patience, and humor. Reading it is a reminder of all that family can be in its best incarnation, and that belonging does not depend on biology. A wonderful, funny read.”
–Anne-Marie Slaughter, CEO, New America; author of Renewal: From Crisis to Transformation in Our Lives, Work, and Politics
What made you decide to document and publish the experience of adopting your children, the twins from Romania, Samuel and Emanuela?
From the beginning, I had always thought I would eventually write about it, simply because the entire situation was so out of the ordinary. Later, I realized that Sam and Emanuela did not remember (or even know about) much of what happened in the early years. They also did not understand the political underpinnings that led to their adoptions in the first place. But in 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Although I am in remission now, in case I don’t have as much time as I hope I wanted to be sure the book got done and the information into their hands. Once treatment was finished, I got to work.
You had originally planned to adopt Samuel when you found out, upon arriving in Romania to take him home, that he had a twin sister, Emanuela. Can you talk a bit about that experience? What was it like to adopt twins at different times?
That day was both the best and worst of our lives. On the one hand, we were adopting this beautiful boy. But we were completely shocked to find out he had a twin sister (at that time, thought to have significant special needs) at the same orphanage. Despite knowing we wanted to adopt her, too, we were in despair about leaving her behind. Little did we know the moratorium would come down and we would be drawn into a years-long struggle to bring her home. As far as adopting twins at different times, it just extended the chaos of adjustment. It took Sam a good three years to really settle in and overcome the damage of the Romanian institutional system, and then Emanuela came home and it was another three years for her to do the same. But I really, really wish she could have been adopted at the same time as Sam. As hard as it would have been with two of them, many of Emanuela’s developmental issues might never have happened if she had been removed from the orphanage system at an earlier age.
What was your writing experience before working on this book? Was there anything about the writing process that you found especially challenging?
I had written a doctoral dissertation, so I was already comfortable with the process of breaking down a large writing project and following it through to completion. I had also previously published a book about a family member’s downward spiral into addiction (written under a pseudonym, to protect that person’s privacy), so I also was familiar with the publication process. But this book was very different, because it was about them. As much as possible, I wanted to keep the focus on the lives of Emanuela and Sam — the challenges, the joys, and their ultimate triumph over circumstances they had nothing to do with causing.
How did you go about piecing together memories of the adoption process and raising your children? Was it a linear or more scattered approach?
The hardest part of this project was figuring out how to present their stories. I had a couple of false starts, before finally deciding to focus only on one area at a time and write down everything I could remember about that event or issue. I had originally assumed I would then piece it all together into some kind of linear narrative. But I ended up deciding to keep with the “vignette” format. Once that was decided, the writing went fairly smoothly (it was fun, even).
You mentioned that you didn’t keep a journal or hold on to your old day planners. What kind of reference materials did you have to work with?
Because it had been twenty years from when we started the process of their adoptions, before I could write a word I had to do a family-centered research review. I have a huge box of all the correspondence from the process of bringing Emanuela home, so I read through every page in that box again. I also have a file cabinet drawer that contains all of their adoption, medical, and school records. Over the years, I would pop things into that drawer that I knew I wanted to keep but did not know otherwise what to do with (newspaper articles, special school projects, things like that). I read through everything in that drawer. In addition, we have 20 photo albums that are in roughly chronological order. Just looking through those volumes provided a good review of various events in their lives. We also have videos (though we never became adept videographers, so there are not as many of those as I would like). And I re-read my dissertation, which had to do with ethical issues in Romanian intercountry adoption during that period, to refresh my memory. After all of that, I felt ready to move forward.
I spent years immersed in the impacts of that inhumane system on Sam and Emanuela. I also wrote about it extensively in my dissertation. Especially in the early years, finding fellow adoptive parents dealing with the same issues was very helpful. Writing about it now was difficult because I did not want to “embarrass” Emanuela and Sam, but they did not feel that way about it at all.
What was it like for you to review the upbringing of your children? Most people have some regrets, but were there any surprising insights?
It was great! Remembering their struggles and contrasting those to how well they are doing now was wonderful — both for us as their parents as well as for them personally. I don’t think this book could have been written until they were adults; they really needed to reach a level of maturity to be able to handle it. But looking at photos of them struggling to go down a slide or play on a swing while I now watch them driving themselves off to work is amazing. One insight perhaps would be that at the time, it often felt like we were just lurching from crisis to crisis. But in retrospect, it all fit together for good.
Romania’s harsh orphanage system was notorious for its poor conditions and neglect. How did you approach writing about the developmental and behavioral issues that the twins exhibited due to their time spent in the orphanage?
I spent years immersed in the impacts of that inhumane system on Sam and Emanuela. I also wrote about it extensively in my dissertation. Especially in the early years, finding fellow adoptive parents dealing with the same issues was very helpful. Writing about it now was difficult because I did not want to “embarrass” Emanuela and Sam, but they did not feel that way about it at all. Instead, they are proud that they overcame that system and wanted to share as much as possible in the hope that no other children will have to deal with the same issues.
What was it like for Samuel and Emanuela, now adults, to read their story from your perspective?
They were fascinated. Because they were so young, they simply do not remember anything at all from the early years. So they were enthralled by many of the stories of their adoptions. The book also helped them to understand some of the reasons “why” we did things the way we did in our home (family dinner at the table, consequences, routine, school issues, etc.). But they also appreciated that their perspective is included. They are very capable of thinking and speaking for themselves, and I think that comes through. There is nothing in the book they did not want to be included.
Can you talk about your decision to adopt internationally?
My husband Scott and I volunteered at an orphanage in Honduras in 1999. From that moment, we both knew we wanted to adopt internationally when the time came to have a family. The shock of what third world poverty really is like has never worn off. If we could ever help even one child, we were all in.
In 2001, Romania placed a moratorium on international adoptions — just as you began the adoption proceedings for Emanuela. Did this challenge or alter your views on intercountry adoption at the time?
What the moratorium did was make me want to understand it. Although I was frantic that Emanuela was mired in institutional care, I also assumed that the moratorium was being done in good faith — that child welfare officials meant it in the best interest of the children they were responsible for. At that point, I began focusing my doctoral research on Romanian intercountry adoption. For four years, I was completely absorbed in the history, ethics, and child welfare outcomes of Romanian intercountry adoption. I really wanted to come to an understanding of what it meant for intercountry adoption to be ethical, and ultimately feel that I did so. Certainly, I was clear in my mind that what we trying to do (i.e., adopt Emanuela), was the “right” thing to do.
Can you talk about the role of Representative William R. Delahunt in the adoption of Emanuela?
Our family hero! If it wasn’t for Rep. Delahunt, I do not think Emanuela’s adoption ever would have happened. He is an internationally adoptive parent himself and was the driver of the legislation to provide internationally adopted children automatic United States citizenship. It was just crazy luck that we happened to live in his district. One of the great joys of my life was having the chance to meet him in person in Washington, DC and say “thank you.” One of his staff members told me that he kept the picture of the kids I gave him on his desk (I cannot confirm this!). We had a tradition where every year I would have a calendar made using current pictures of the twins and send that out to family and friends during the holidays. We kept him on that list until he left office and I literally couldn’t find him anymore. His legislative director, Mark Agrast (now executive director of the American Society of International Law) was also pivotal. He was always calling and trying to move Emanuela’s adoption forward. I can never repay my gratitude to either Mark or Rep. Delahunt.
What are you hoping readers might take away from your book?
I tried to stress throughout that the point of the book is just to tell the story of what happened to Sam and Emanuela; Legends of the Twins Cirpaci is about their lives. Period. This is what happened to these two children as a result of the decisions made by the child welfare officials who were responsible for them. Whether any of it should have happened, I leave for the reader to ponder.
Terry B. Murphy is an adoptive parent. Her professional experience includes employment at New America (a think tank in Washington, DC), Harvard Law School, Wentworth Institute of Technology, and Princeton University’s School of Public and International Affairs. She has also worked as an independent editorial consultant, and served on the Board of Trustees for the Bridgeview Montessori School in Sagamore, Massachusetts. Murphy holds a B.A. in psychology from Framingham State University in Framingham, MA; an M.Ed. from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA; and a Ph.D. in humanities from Salve Regina University in Newport, RI. She is a recipient of the U.S. Congress Angels in Adoption Award. She lives with her family on Cape Cod.
