Deployment: dangerous, necessary, selfless, bravery, fulfilling, pride, tough, battle, hero, and worry. These are all words that I personally associate with the deployments of our armed forces. There are still many men and women serving our country from a deployed location, working tirelessly, missing home, and ultimately defending our freedom. At this moment, as sure as I type these words, a soldier is missing his children, a mother is missing her marine, and many families are incomplete. It is my belief that traveling overseas on behalf of the United States military to secure our rights as Americans, is an outstanding act of selflessness. The sacrifices made by those men and women are innumerable and unwavering. But there’s another perspective; there are others making sacrifices in this story. They are the spouses and families back home.

All too many families have been through deployments and dealt with the many issues that arise, some of which are unforeseen and very arduous. So to say that I am speaking on behalf of all wives, husbands, or partners waiting on the home-front, would be simply presumptuous. I can, however, share my opinions and insights, which are derived from my personal experiences in the matter, but are also enhanced with a sprinkling of perspectives from friends who have found themselves in similar situations.

I was in the United States Air Force for six years. I did a unique job, and I am proud to have served my country. Once, I even got the chance to deploy for a few months. That deployment turned out to be a significant turning point in my career, as well as in my personal life. About two weeks before I was set to come home, I met the man that I would end up settling down with. This is a key point in my story; I met him while he was doing his job in a deployed location. And then I said goodbye to him, not knowing what would happen. You don’t really plan your life out when you meet someone like that, or at least I didn’t. What happened next turned out to be a series of fortunate events, and I say that from a very military-minded viewpoint. He came home shortly after I did, and we continued to see each other, which turned into dating, which turned into a relationship. Eventually we moved in together, and even started a family. The tricky part of our story was that, all the while, he was repeatedly and regularly deploying. It wasn’t ideal, and it certainly wasn’t what I had expected for my family plan. But that’s the thing, the military life is never really ideal.

So there I was, a new mother, fresh out of the military, and living on the other side of the fence, so to speak. The tables had turned, and I was no longer only worried about myself. I was definitely worried, but instead, I worried about everything! I was worried about my new baby and about his health. I was worried about my husband and his health, his safety, his travels, his location, and so on. I fretted over unexpected decisions that had to be made, even if I couldn’t consult with him first. After all, you can’t always predict when the next time you’ll talk to each other will be. It was a life of touch-and-go, and it was pretty stressful. But what I found, was that even in the face of such trials, you keep moving forward. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you just keep living life in your normal way, which ironically, is pretty opposite of normal!

As I mentioned, my husband’s deployments were regular, which meant that we were constantly saying goodbye, but also constantly saying hello. That, in itself, was pretty overwhelming, because after only two months together, I had to figure out how to adjust to him being gone. And then two months later, after finally adjusting to him not being around, he would come home, and I would find myself trying to fit him back into the puzzle. This went on and on, pretty much for the first four years of our relationship, and until our oldest son was almost two. I have to say that one of the hardest things for me was the simple act of watching my husband say goodbye to our son. The baby didn’t really know the difference, but as a mother, the reality of “goodbye” in that instance was a tough pill to swallow. It never got any easier. After my husband would leave, I was able to mostly keep it together and focus on life as it were. But sometimes… There were moments when I would look at my son and see my husband. And in those moments, my heart would stop. I felt helpless and scared. What would I do with a baby all on my own if my husband’s “work day” went awry? As depressing as that all sounds, it’s the reality of the situation. When the wives of those deployed finally get into bed after a long day, and after all of their responsibilities are put up on the shelf for the night, these are the types of things that are left to ponder.

A few months after my son turned one, we found out that I was pregnant again. “It’s complicated” took on a whole new meaning. But this time, my husband was home, and I got to tell him the big news in person. For my first pregnancy, I had to tell him via Skype, which was so, so unfortunate. But again, that kind of thing was our normal, so it wasn’t quite as frustrating for us as it should have been.

Needless to say, things are much harder when you are pregnant. Throw into the mix a deployed husband, a busy toddler, and the lack of nearby family support, and it’s pure chaos. Honestly, it could have been worse, and I know that. But my hormones were raging, and so chaotic is how I would have described it. There were days when I could barely lift my feet, and still I had to take care of my son. Fortunately, all hope was not lost, because I had pretty great neighbors at the time. Over that summer, the grass and weeds just kept growing. Really, it wouldn’t stop, and I was over any type of yard-work. Right around the time that my husband would ask if he needed to hire someone to come and cut the grass, I would look out and see a different neighbor mowing our front lawn. Now, that is what I call supporting your troops!

Finally, right before our second son was born, my husband got news of a new job opening, and he immediately applied. I am happy to say that he got the job, and has not deployed since. My youngest son has never had to say goodbye to his dad, and that, for me, is the achievement of a lifetime. People all over the country, women, men, and children are sacrificing minutes, days, and months of their lives in support of a bigger dream. First birthday and holiday Skype dates are still happening around the clock. Mothers are consoling children in the middle of the night, and solving the world’s most important home-front problems. They are also reaching out for their husbands’ hands in the dark. And for some time, they will keep reaching. But they still do it, because they know that this is their sacrifice.