Politics Is Dumb

A comedian takes a look at the political news of the month

Date: October 31, 2019.
Subject: Funny thoughts on politics from comedian/writer Matt Ruby.
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Jesus 2020?

people are confused by Kellyanee and George Conway’s marriage but I totally get it because i once lived with a girl and we communicated for months solely through passive aggressive messages but we did it via post-it notes on the fridge instead of twitter and it was usually about who should do the dishes instead of trump but still BASICALLY THE SAME

“I can’t believe that Republicans are attacking a war veteran that won a Purple Heart and calling him a traitor.” Um, it’s in the GOP playbook…

Hilarious defense from Joe Biden allies: “Biden doesn’t keep saying stupid stuff because he’s senile; he’s been saying stupid stuff for his ENTIRE LIFE.” lol okaaaaaay then

crazy to imagine a room filled with people and the only one who exercises good judgement is the guy with this mustache

So…. “Nobody uses Facebook anymore” …but also: “Facebook is destroying our society” This is the 21st century version of Yogi Berra’s “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”

look Barack, when you call-out call-out culture, isn’t that– wait, I’m about to call out someone for calling out call-out culture…man, this is getting way too meta

Katie hill’s husband on the right (below). there should be a German word for when you read a story about a guy and imagine in your head what he looks like and then a few days later see a photo of him and it’s all YUP I KNEW IT

update! it’s not exactly that but pretty close

The crazy thing is we were all like “the police need to stop shooting black people in the streets” and the cops in Texas were like “gotcha, we’ll start shooting black people in their HOMES.”

“In the past week, witnesses have described a shadow foreign policy led by Rudy Giuliani, Gordon Sondland and Rick Perry.” AP photo of Giuliani, Sondland, and Perry:

the way twitter gets amped up by watching congresswomen yell at CEOs makes me think it should be a porn category.

this dude has total Jost hair:

Cable news on nepotism: “Donald Trump’s son just accused Joe Biden’s son of getting a job because of his father. Here with more details is Mike Wallace’s son and Tim Russert’s son.”

given his recent track record, i wouldn’t really want to live in one of these homes that jimmy carter keeps building. gotta think there are a couple of nails outta place.

phew, it’s really going to be shocking when all these career diplomats testifying against trump die at the same time by hanging themselves while the guards are asleep and the camera in the hallway malfunctions

Y’know who’s pulling off “God’s plan” for America? Mulvaney Barr Pompeo & Pence…Yo Christians!!!! Come get ya mans!!!

we are delusional narcissists who spend all our time claiming victimhood while constantly seeking adoration from strangers even though we’ve accomplished nothing… is it any wonder that Trump thinks he should be our leader?

Drums too!? Man, this Putin guy really does do it all.

How This All Plays Out…
trump: rudy, i’m going to need you to be the symbolic sacrifice here. it has to be you.
giuliani:

Social Justice Warrior is a strange insult. Back when I was a child if you told me I was going to be that, I would have thought it sounded amazing…

Debates are dumb. We should make all the candidates parallel park a car. It’s the best way to quickly judge competence. Alternatively: make the candidates do american gladiators events #DemocraticDebate