DEVELOPMENT
Dreams, Doubt, and the Myth of Confidence
I would consider myself a confident person. I look forward to social events, I am calm and comfortable in unfamiliar settings — and when confronted with challenges, only eventual success crosses my mind, fueled aggressively by my own self-belief.
Or at least that is how I try to come across. The reality, as is the case for most others in this world, is an assured exterior punctured by fleeting (and sometimes not-so-fleeting) moments of self-doubt. Taught from a young age the importance of confidence, I, and many others, spin for ourselves a web of self-belief — some stronger than others. But, while an unflappable public poise can act as a barrier to our problems, it is actually self-doubt which serves to propel us forward.
Fear of failure follows me wherever I go. Such anxious thoughts give rise to inner feelings of hesitancy, ceaselessly battling against my laid-back appearance. Just Do It, proclaims Nike, an encouraging yet empty echo to all aspiring athletes. Inspiring messages are plastered everywhere these days, from bold block billboards to inviting Instagram cursive. We are all told that confidence is the key to anything; with it, anything is possible — and without it, nothing.
Looking back at all my successes, sporting and academic — provides a template for future states of mind. Yes, quiet confidence and sturdy self-belief underpin all of my life’s highest achievements, but this is only apparent at the time of performance. In the days, months and years leading up to each success is consistent failure, doubt, and uncertainty. Getting out to the same ball over and over in the cricket nets, until I have corrected the flaws in my technique. Tearing my hair out during a late-night revision session over a seemingly impossible topic, but still making sure to understand it clearly by exam day. It is not confidence that drives this relentless pursuit of excellence, it is self-doubt. A creeping, unavoidable feeling inside telling me that I am not good enough, and I must do better.
If you never experience doubt, then you are doing nothing to push yourself.
Self-belief can be an extremely powerful tool, but self-doubt can hold even more power. A moment of nerves, of worry, of uncertainty, gives us a minute to slow down and think. The value of constant and gradual improvement, rather than succumbing to the blindness brought about by complete confidence, is something brought about only by some brief and quiet reflection over what can be done better.
The reality is, had I sat around and waited for self-confidence to kick in and carry me — I would have been waiting forever. My driver has always been stimulation via worry, a constant urge to prove to myself that I belong. Almost anyone who has ever accomplished something remarkable has gone through extended periods of self-doubt. They have all found themselves in an endless cycle of inadequacy, questioning every input and output. The answer to ending this cycle is not anything special, but rather plain old doubt-induced hard work.
Next time you catch yourself slipping into self-doubt, don’t force a superficial layer of confidence onto your persona. Simply ask yourself whether you are doing enough to further the cause which has you feeling anxious and fretful. There is no substitute for perpetual self-improvement, and the road can be long and arduous. However, with enough honest effort, nagging uncertainty will eventually give way to quiet confidence — and this time it will not be a superficial layer, it will be the real thing.
The journey to self-fulfilment may well be slow: but remember it was the tortoise that won the race, not the hare.
