Scientist, Fighter, Startup Founder: My First 6 Months as an Imposter CEO and How I Changed My Narrative

“Let me tell you a little bit more about why I’m here. You see, as a little girl, I never learned how to stand up for myself, or learned how to fight for what I believed in.”

That was how I started my pitch. An introduction that was added just days before my biggest pitch, in front of a group of more than 130 people, including mentors, investors, and esteemed community leaders. I had never told this story before, about how this scared little girl turned into an Amateur Muay Thai fighter and startup Founder. I’m normally a ball of nerves before a pitch, but this time, it was different. Because this time, I was fully myself.

I had just finished a rigorous 12-week accelerator program at Ad Astra Ventures, that focused on equipping Female Founders with the tools to succeed in a gender-biased startup ecosystem. They challenged every part of my business, as well as dug deep into who I am as a Founder. The experience had me feeling on top of the world one day, and in tears the next. (I’d later learn that this is entirely normal behavior for a startup Founder.)

Six months ago, I quit my job as an Imaging Scientist at Sanford Burnham Prebys Medical Discovery Institute to pursue my dreams full time. I had created a financial plan for me and my family to survive for one year while I built my company, Hydrostasis. The plan was, if I couldn’t get things going by the end of one year, I would go find another job. Six months later, I’m pretty sure that I won’t be working in a lab ever again.

As a PhD Scientist, I was trained to doubt everything. So I doubted myself the entire way. What do I know about business? What do I know about my customers? What am I doing here in a room full of “successful entrepreneurs”? Fortunately, I had some help. I graduated from Hera Labs, an accelerator program run by Dr. Silvia Mah and Sat Wilensky. After Hera Labs, I realized that if I was going to make it work, I had to pursue this full time. So I quit my job in July 2018, and for the next two months, read every book, article, and blog I could get my hands on, and applied for as many pitch competitions as I could. In September, I was accepted into the Ad Astra program, founded by 3 of the fiercest ladies I’ve ever met: Allison Long Pettine, Vidya Dinamani, and Dr. Silvia Mah. It was in the first week of Ad Astra, that Vidya shook her head and flat out told me that in order to be successful, I had to “change my narrative”.

In order to be successful, I had to change my narrative.

She could tell that I didn’t believe in myself and so could everyone else in the room. Problem was, I had no idea how to change my narrative. What does that even mean? I thought that I was doing something wrong. Why couldn’t I express myself clearly, and why was there so much internal resistance with my storytelling that made my pitches unconvincing?

So I worked diligently for the next 12 weeks, learning my strengths, refining my product-market fit, understanding my customer personas, and learning about the gender biases I’m facing. By the end of the program, I was ready to go out on my own. I had built an incredible team, I had a working prototype, and I had a game plan moving forward. The last thing I had to do was pitch my final pitch at the Ad Astra Premier Night, in front of all of my mentors, potential investors, friends, and family. No pressure. Just a big stage. With shiny lights. Oh, and feel free to invite the kids.

My pitch was ready, or so I thought. I had been practicing my pitch every single week, sometimes twice a week, in front of Ad Astra mentors and I thought it was pretty good. But the week before the big night, I was struggling. The nerves were so bad that I could barely make it through my slides. I wanted to quit, run out of the room, and disappear for a while. Then, 2 days before Premier Night, Vidya tells me that it’s not about me.

For some reason, as soon as she said that, everything clicked. I’m doing it for them. I’m doing it for my kids. I’m doing it for all the little girls that never learned how to fight for themselves. I’m doing it for all the people doubting themselves. And I’m doing it for 8-year-old me, who would be SO PROUD, to see where I am today. I invited the kids, the family, everyone. And on December 6, 2018, I gave the best pitch I’ve ever given in my life.

I was present. I was relaxed. I was, truly me.

The imposter left… and I found my narrative.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.