I am not Catholic… but I am Vincentian
My Vincentian journey is sort of an unconventional one, in that I did not start out under the Catholic faith nor did I end up practicing the Catholic faith. But, if I had to define my story in two words, it would be Divine Providence.
It all started with my Grandmother and my Mother.
When my brother and I were born, my Grandmother was very concerned that we were not immediately baptized Catholic. She was a very religious Catholic and was furious when my parents refused to baptize us at birth. My parents decided early on that they would not force any religious ceremonies on us, but rather bring us to church and have us form an idea of what kind of relationship we wanted with God on our own.
This however, did not sit well with my Grandmother. When she lived with us, there wasn’t a Sunday where I wasn’t sitting right next to her in the pews. But I didn’t understand it. I would sit in the pews and count the pictures on the wall, count the people in the pews, but I would not listen to the sermon and I did not get any better at math. It wasn’t that I was some immoral heathen, I was just young and I didn’t seem to have the same appreciation for church that my Grandmother seemed to have.
As I got older I began to go to church solely because it was just what my family did on Sundays. This made me distance my self from religion and for a while I felt really lost. It wasn’t until I was 15 that things really started to change.
It was the Christmas before I turned 15
My Mom was not having it with my brother and me. Every Christmas Eve since we were born, we had gone to Midnight Mass, but that year my brother and I made every little thing to delay our time. My dress snagged, my brother stained his shirt, I lost a shoe and my brother kept complaining that his pants itched. Every little time delay added up and we were unable to make it to the Midnight Mass at the San Diego Mission, which was a 40 minute drive away. My Mom however, was not going to give up that easily. She quickly went to Google and found a local Evangelical Lutheran church 10 minutes from our house and we rushed to Midnight Mass as fast as Joseph and Mary.
This was a turning point in my life. I would like to think that it was Divine Providence, us being there that night. I sat in the pews and for some reason it just felt different. The people were really lively, despite it being midnight. The music sounded angelic, the stained glass shimmered even in the moonlight, and there were fewer pictures and pews to count. The Pastor was this lively passionate human who ran up to the alter and delivered the most inspiring sermon. It was here that I turned to my Mom and said,
“Mom I don’t want to go to the Mission anymore I want to go here”
Maybe it was the Pastor’s lively sermon, maybe it was the beautiful stained glass that I would spend the next 3 years looking at, or maybe it was the donuts and cocoa they gave us after mass, either way I was turned. On June 15th, 2011 my brother Jordyn and I were baptized at the Carlton Hills Evangelical Lutheran Church and it was the start of my religious journey.
Catholic v. Lutheran: College Edition
The next phase of my journey was not an easy one. I spent many sleepless nights my senior year trying to choose a college to attend. At the end, I narrowed it down to two schools: California Lutheran University in Thousand Oaks, CA, and DePaul University in Chicago, IL. To say I was conflicted was an understatement. On one hand, I had an opportunity to stay in California and not be too far away from home and be in a religious environment that I was accustomed to. On the other hand, I had an amazing opportunity to live in a city that I had never been to and really be independent.
It really was a battle for my heart. On one hand, I felt drawn to Cal Lu because of my deep love for my religion that I had spent the last 3 years developing. On the other hand, there was just something about DePaul that kept pulling me towards it. The night before decision day, I prayed to God to give me a sign. The next morning as I had both letters up on my laptop, I stared at each choice intently. There was something about DePaul that made me click accept, and I couldn’t understand it. I was so excited to start this new chapter of my life. I began researching more and more about DePaul and read about its mission and values, its strong Vincentian mission, and how it is the largest Catholic school in the United States.
It seems that even though the Lutherans brought me closer to God, the Catholic faith wasn’t done with me yet.
When I told my Grandmother, she couldn’t be prouder. Unfortunately, that July she passed away in the Philippines and was unable to see me begin my collegiate journey. However, I had made peace with her passing and saw my choosing DePaul as another act of Divine Providence in my life.
DePaul University: Tracing the steps of St. Vincent
Urban educated, world ready. This was the mission statement that was imbedded in us my freshman year and on here at DePaul. However, it wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more. I craved more. My freshman year, I took a Discover Chicago class called Tracing the Steps of St. Vincent de Paul. It was here that I learned about the name above the door and fell in love with the Vincentian Mission. This was another turning point in my life. Learning about a man who so late in his life changed a country and became a saint was so incredibly inspiring. It reminded me of my favorite parable about the vineyard laborers;
“The last will be first, and the first last” means that no matter how long or how hard a believer works during his lifetime, the reward of eternal life will be the same.
Vincent, who left such a huge legacy and made such a big impact on the world, made me ask my self, What must be done? What am I doing for Justice? What can I do for my community? I felt this innate need to give back to the community with which I began to fall in love. St. Vincent inspired me to really do the work that needs to be done and reflect on it. My discover professor always said to us,
“Service without reflection is just work.” - Siobhan O’ Donoghue
This really stood out to me even to this day. I never really thought about what needs to be done after service. I always just volunteered, felt satisfied, then went home. Siobhan really made me reflect on not only the work I do for others my also every thing I work for. If I have learned anything at DePaul it is that there is always room for reflection.
Jumpstart: Children first
As I searched for a job, it seemed that God once again answered my prayers; it was my staff mentor for my Discover class that approached me about working for Jumpstart. And so began my work in under-resourced communities. Working for Jumpstart ignited a fire within me that I didn’t realize I needed. I began to see the many ills that trouble our education system today. In Jumpstart, we learn that children in lower income communities learn almost 50 million less words and are two grade levels behind their affluent counter parts. I knew in my heart what needed to be done.
I worked with education majors, art majors, liberal art majors, etc., and together we worked on getting children in under-resourced communities ready for kindergarten. I met so many amazing people working for Jumpstart and so many wonderful kids who changed my life forever. They started another turning point in my life, and because of the work I still continue to do for Jumpstart, I am inspired to use my Political Science major and Economic minor to go into education policy. Working for such an amazing program and meeting so many inspiring people made me want to help my own community at DePaul. I ended up as always in a church.
Finding my faith in DePaul
Being a Protestant in the largest Catholic school can be a challenge. Not because DePaul isn’t accepting of it, but there just didn’t seem to be a large group of Evangelical Lutheran churches or services. I had been raised with communion every Sunday and being Evangelical Lutheran that was no different. I found a poster that advertised a Sunday Protestant service and I couldn’t wait to go. The minute I walked into the interfaith sacred space area and I could feel a change coming. I met Pastor Diane Dardon and at last I felt at home in Chicago.
Pastor Diane really became a Vincentian mentor to me here at DePaul. Whenever I had a question about my Lutheran faith or being a Vincentian Lutheran I knew I could turn to her. She really helped me find my niche at DePaul and inspired me to do more for my DePaul community. If it were not for her guidance and spirit I can honestly say I would not have been so connected to the Mission. She really helped me realize that I can still be a Vincentian even though I was not Catholic. She saw the fire that Jumpstart had started and with a lot of inspiration, long chats, and hugs (a lot of hugs!) I was fueled with the spirit of Vincent to go out into my DePaul community and do what needed to be done.
DePaul SGA: Students working for students
Through my work with DePaul’s Student Government Association I saw the great need for student representation in the University. I also saw how great of a University DePaul really is. Through my work with SGA I have been equipped with leadership skills that I then can use to build a sense of community wherever I go. I have met so many great student leaders in the organization and couldn’t be happier with the work we accomplish. Being in SGA for two years now I have been able to truly help my fellow students and be their voice to the University. It is here that I developed my own mission statement to better serve my peers.
I will work hard to live the Vincentian mission in every aspect of my life. I will do what needs to be done and not be afraid to do it. I will remember the legacy that St. Vincent left behind and honor him with the work I will do for my community.
My Pilgrimage to the Center
I had never been abroad before the Vincentian Heritage Tour. To say I was excited is an understatement. I was ready to walk in the footsteps of St. Vincent with the world renowned Vincentian, Father Udovic. I spent my freshman year tracing St. Vincent’s steps it only seemed fitting that I now walk in them. I was so excited to see all the places that he had once been, the streets he walked, the memories he left behind, and the legacy that people in Paris still live even today. Being in Paris was a new journey for me. It was my pilgrimage to finding the center. Before the trip we talked a lot about finding our “center”. The portion of the trip where it all clicks for us, that “this is why were here” moment. I spent most of the trip trying to find it. As always the best moments are the ones that come when you least expect it.
For me Paris was a pilgrimage to finding the center of my Vincentian heart. I wanted to feel his spirit around Paris and hang on to that and take it back with me to Chicago like a souvenir. I tried to imagine what he thought when he walked the streets we walked, what he thought when he made the sermons that we read and more importantly what he would think about our group of student leaders walking in his footsteps. Father Udovic however says
“There is no room for sentimentality in history.”
So St. Vincent was probably more focused on the present than the future legacy he would leave.
My initial intention for the trip was to find the center of my Vincentian heart and to take that fire back with me in order to spread the Vincentian mission to my peers. I wanted my center to help me explain how I can help my community. However, what I got was so much more than that. My center, my turning point, my Lumiere moment was nothing like I expected it to be. We were sitting in a circle reflecting on the trip, and I was hearing all of the inspiring explanations from my VHT peers and how they think Vincent and Louise’s experiences connects to our world today. I couldn’t help but think when was Father Udovic’s turning point? We had spent a whole quarter listening to his lectures on St. Vincent and St. Louise’s history as if it were his own. We had spent a total of 10 days listening to his guides on Paris and everything in between (with no notes) and I couldn’t help but think how did a man as knowledgeable as himself get to be so inspired by St. Vincent. What happens next should only be classified as DePaul History.
He told us that he was teaching the same class that we had finished taking before the trip and when he reached the point about talking about Foleville and how it was Vincent’s turning point, he felt unsatisfied. He said the only thing that made it Vincent’s turning point at the time was that his letter said “this was my turning point”. That was not enough for Father Udovic, so he went back to the texts and the research and found in its original French the retelling of Foleville where Madame de Gondi asks Vincent “What must be done?”
What must be done? THE Vincentian question was found by Father Udovic himself.
The sole reason we ask the question, the question that binds us to the Mission, was found by a man who was sitting inches away from me. I felt star struck, I felt honored, and I felt myself reaching the center of my pilgrimage. I traveled over 4,000 miles to find it but when I did, there was no going back. It registered to me as clear as a day in San Diego. Sometimes the center isn’t a specific place or a specific painting. Sometimes the things we search the most for in our lives is right in front of us, we just need to translate it.
Where do you go when your heart is full
The Vincentian Heritage Tour was truly a life changing experience. The memories I made, the history I learned, and the people I met will forever stay with me as long as I live. To take part in the tour is really a true privilege, and the knowledge you take home is a gift you can’t buy last minute in an airport. The tour helped inspire me to take the lessons St. Vincent, St. Louise, Karl, Joyana, and Father Udovic taught us and use them to inspire others. On this trip I learned more than just to help the poor.
My father always said in a way everyone is poor, everyone is lacking something and it is the job of those who can help, to help.
Charity is not about giving a hand out, but a hand up. Vincent and Louise saw it then and those who live in their legacy see it now. I will continue to take their lessons and use them to help my own communities. To help those with what I know and what I am willing to learn in order to do what needs to be done. I can use the Vincentian values and the Vincentian question to help be a better voice for my peers as a Student Government Senator and a Jumpstart Team Leader. I can use the values to help spread awareness about the education gap in our country and create education policy that helps those at the margins. Vincent de Paul used the idea of human dignity to help those in need. I will use the idea of human dignity to communicate others’ needs and be a voice for change and action. Being a Vincentian is far more than just being someone who learns about St. Vincent, being a Vincentian means living the legacy that he left behind in your every day life. There is more than just a name above the door here at DePaul University, and I intend to translate it for everyone.
