Life is a Sam’s Club Hot Dog
I went on a journey to find you.
I checked your chair that you hid snacks behind and would announce the wheel of fortune answers from.
I checked your favorite place to get hot dogs from on the way home from Sam’s Club.
I checked your parking spot at the golf courses where you played at.
When I turned 18, I looked for you to be eating cake at my party.
When I graduated from high school, I looked for you to be cheering in the audience.
When I moved away to college, I looked for you to be waving from the window.
Grandpa, I have been looking for you every day since you left this earth.
When I think of the people who have shaped my Vincentian heart, I think about my Grandpa Roger. My Grandpa Roger passed away when I was in High School. His passing left a tremendous hole in my heart. Growing up, my Grandpa was my number one fan. Whenever I won an award, I would plead with my mom for her to drive me to his house so I could show him the award. I can still feel the excitement of pulling into his driveway, ringing the doorbell, running to him in his chair, and handing him my award. He would take a simple piece of paper or a little medal. Hold it up to the light. Deeply examine it. Ask me all about it. Then, tell me how proud he was.
I know my Grandpa Roger is still proud, smiling down at me. He always said he wanted one of his grandchildren to go to either DePaul or Benedictine University, so I am happy I was able to make his wish come true. In the next couple of weeks, I will be making another one of his wishes come true. My Grandpa also always hoped for his four closest grandchildren to graduate from college. In a few short weeks, I will be joining my older brother and my older cousin in completing that wish. Then, we will just have one more cousin after me and the hope will truly be fulfilled.
Making it to graduation has been no small feat. Throughout my four years at DePaul, I was met with roadblock after roadblock. The first of many unforeseen circumstances was a global pandemic. Trapped in my apartment due to social distancing, I overworked myself. I was giving 110% on every single assignment because there wasn’t really anything else to devote my time to due to the lockdown. It was during this moment that I realized my first hard truth: life’s achievements cannot and should not only be measured by academic success. This was a bitter pill to swallow. Up until this point, I had always deemed myself at the top of my class, an A+ student. I didn’t know how to let go of the perfectionism. However, with a global pandemic and social unrest raging around me, I realized getting an A in every class may not be the most important thing in life.
Coming out of the lockdown, I was inspired to completely throw myself into the community. I began working with Meet Me at The Mission and I loved every second of it. I first started off speaking to incoming students during the summer Vincentian Heritage orientation tours. Then, I truly got a taste of what MMATM could be with Vinny Fest. Over the next year, I got to speak to hundreds of students through smaller events and workshops. This is when I learned a second lesson. I learned that I do love building community and I honestly have a knack for facilitating in a space.
Although I felt like I was growing within my role of MMATM, I was also simultaneously losing community. During my junior year, I lost my Abuelo Jose Luis and other elders in my family. I learned good and bad can coexist at the same time. This tumultuous time, unfortunately, continued into my Senior year as I continued to gain and lose community.
I began to relate deeply to the Vincentian figures whom I spoke about weekly in workshops. One quote that empowered me through this time, was a quote by Saint Vincent. Saint Vincent said, “If love is a fire, then zeal is its flame!” I thought about the deep love that I had for my Grandpa Roger, for my Abuelo Jose Luis. I thought about how proud they are of me; the only granddaughter of my Abuelo’s to go to college and the first granddaughter of my Grandpa Roger’s to attend college. My love for them, along with my love to continue to serve the MMATM and DePaul communities gave me strength to continue.
Due to all of the trials that I had to face during my time at DePaul, I was honestly burnt out by the time of the Vincentian Heritage Tour. I was feeling discouraged and a little defeated. Nonetheless, I still went on the trip with an open heart and I am so happy I did.
During our time in France, I truly felt the community forming amongst my peers. Most notably, I was thankful for the number of my co-VHTers that cared about me getting food. Since I have a lot of dietary needs, it was difficult for me to find food at certain points on the trip. It was even difficult at times to get the correct food during group dinners. However, I had peers who were willing to help and were even interested in trying my vegan food options.
Overall, the trip made me realize my turbulent time at DePaul had hardened me a little bit to the idea of community, but my cohort was able to bring back my hope in others.
As I leave DePaul, I hope to continue to keep searching for community. I want to continue to give life to the connections that I have made at DePaul, but I also want my community to grow. I also want to continue to serve and honor everyone’s human dignity. I want to show the compassion that I wish I was shown and the love that I was able to find.
