How Do I Stop Envying People Who Have Better Life Than Me?

Originally Posted On Quora By Margaret Weiss

I understand you don’t want to hear it but…everyone struggles.

If you think that a person — a celebrity, for example — is being paid just to be alive, you are mistaken: all celebrities have to be “in the news” to be relevant, so we’re talking about the loss of privacy, gossip, and crazy stunts that no regular person would do.

If you can tolerate having no life of your own in exchange for money, then no one is stopping you from being a celebrity — instead, you are stopping yourself.

Yes, there are people who retire at 34 and there are those who write travel blogs and travel the world — but how do you know that they “have it easy”? You need to read more.

Here’s a couple who traveled and utterly hated it — yet, to keep money coming, they had to smile for the cameras and write wonderful uplifting pieces online, all the while they had to work the lowest jobs imaginable just to prevent themselves from starving: This Couple Wants To Show How Traveling With A Partner Isn’t Always A Fairy Tale

And here’s a couple who are traveling because the spouse sold the startup for many millions: This entrepreneur sold an app to Snapchat for $54M and is now traveling the world.

Who’s stopping you from having no life while you’re building your startup and then selling it for many millions? No one — instead, you spend your time envying others (it’s not very productive).

So, if you envy those with rich parents (except for this guy: he got his parent captured because he was showing off online and tagged his location in one of the posts: ), then you can become that rich parent and spoil your kids. Who’s stopping you?

Better connections deals with your background — education — and your upbringing and your personality — meaning go out there and talk to people, and make those connections. Even if you are speech-challenged person, use your sign language to talk to others. Anyone stopping you from this?

Better health is a combination of good genes and good motivation to exercise — no, no one stopping you from becoming the next Arnold Schwarzenegger (actor, politician)and building your business empire on a personal example.

It helps to keep in mind that Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional — one thing each of us can be sure of is that pain will come (from ourselves, from external sources, from foreseeable events, or from accidents), but suffering and thinking like we’re a victim is optional.

We can choose to say that these problems are not ours, and blame others for creating these problems and for solving them, but it also means that these problems will never be solved.

Once we own these issues — regardless of who created them — then we own the solution to them. You say that you’ve had health problems, and if you want to make it a contest, I’ve had them too (almost died during childbirth). So — do we dwell on that, or do we move forward? Past happened, it’s done.

Envying someone because they do not post each and every outtake from their life or imagining that you are reading the same page in their book of life as yours is quite unreasonable.

You don’t know if the person you are looking at has filed for bankruptcy several times (very common among celebrities, by the way) or if this person has a clean record.

You don’t know if this person is visiting a doctor every day or if this person has a clean bill of health (I personally visited many doctors last year, every 2 days, the size of medical bills was scary, so will you envy me as well simply because I do not post about it online?)

There are many people who do not post about their troubles, choosing only to highlight their achievements, and you can actually do the same.

However, instead of spending a lot of time and energy on reading about how (seemingly — the major keyword here) great someone is doing, you should use that time and energy to seek out solutions for your problems or at least get the full story from people before you assume that their life is great without any wrinkles — and you need to expect that you won’t be told the truth: not many would proudly showcase their downfalls simply because you ask about it.

There is a saying in Silicon Valley that no one is taken seriously until their fifth failed startup — you should apply this to regular life situations as well.

People who have never known any struggles would not have anything to talk about (happy people have no stories, as they say) in the first place, so if a person has had a colorful life, you know for sure that they have had struggles: otherwise it will be a Kardashian who has a show about which outfit to wear. I hope you are not aspiring to be that shallow.

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