The Importance of Being Selfish

Lolita Ljametova
VIPERdev
Published in
3 min readFeb 14, 2020
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Who is not familiar with this situation - you are new in a company, a new environment, new people and you are right in the middle of it.
You don’t really know your way around yet, are possibly a little insecure and first look how things are going here at all.

After the end of my parental leave, I started new adventures and began to work in a tech start-up. My background doesn‘’t show any knowledge in the IT area (only basic knowledge in working with the Office palette and operating systems like Mac and Windows).
Everything was new to me and I felt like a little mouse, my otherwise so extroverted and loud personality was silenced and I had a hard time getting a foothold.

As a result, I always said “yes” to tasks, gave little contradiction and put up with everything, although it is much more important in the start-up world to raise your voice and help shaping the company.
But much worse was that I forgot myself. I was there for others and appreciated them for the way they approached things, putting myself in the background. I neglected my own successes and my independence and did not even notice them anymore.
In short, I haven’t appreciated myself.

The results: demotivation, self-doubts and a chaotic task-list.
Whoever reaches such a point is close to the abyss and often transfers this negativity and self-doubt into his private life.

So what helps out of this misery?

The answer is “Be selfish”.
Now most people will think, why being selfish? That’s a bad behaviour.
But it isn’t, because a healthy degree of selfishness is a form of self-love.

„An attitude characterised by the desire to obtain advantages for oneself, to fulfil own wishes without regard to the claims of others […]“

(Definition of egoism in the german Duden)

What I’m trying to say is that you always have to keep in mind your own benefit from certain situations.
- Does this action have any effect on me?
- Do I simply get this task done, does it require (too) much effort?
- Am I able to master this task?
- Do I have the resources to do it?

In some cases you also need to have the courage to say “No” and not to accept certain tasks (as long as you definitely know that you cannot master them or that there is a more suitable candidate for this specific task).

A healthy egoism also helps you to form a stronger personality, which is reflected outwardly to the whole team and your own role in it. Because only those who are able to love themselves can also show love to others.

Quote from Falco’s song ‘Egoist’:

„Ganz oben auf der Liste, ja, da stehe ich. Du musst mir schon verzeihen, aber ich liebe mich. Liebe kommt von Lieben und ich fange bei mir an …“

(English translation: “Top of the list, yeah, that’s where I am. You’ll have to forgive me, but I love myself. Love comes from loving, and I start with myself…”

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