Why did I stop trying to be happier?
10 life lessons from living with anxiety and overcoming it
Last January, I was going through one of the worst episodes of anxiety in my life. I had been waking up with panic attacks. My head was always foggy, lips dry and palms sweaty. I was forgetting things and avoiding people. In fact, on several days, I was scared of even getting out of my bed.
It was on one such day that I decided to become a happier person. In fact, I named it “ the happiest man on earth” project. In hindsight, it is so easy to see the reason behind my anxiety: unreasonable expectation!
Anyway, that was last January. Fast Forward 1 year: today. After months of medication, weeks of therapy and dozens of personal experiments, how am I today?
I am happy. In fact, I am so happy that my priorities have changed. I am not trying to be happier anymore. I am just hoping to stay as happy as I am now. And, in this post, I am sharing 10 lessons on happiness that I have learned in the last year while battling with my anxiety.
Here we go:
1 — Be open about your anxiety
It is the single best thing you can do to reduce your anxiety. Just let others know that you are anxious and be cool about it. There is nothing worse than worrying about worrying.
2 — Keep faith, it gets better!
There are many things that can help you reduce, manage and overcome your anxiety. Medication helps. So does therapy. And so does lifestyle changes. So, seek help and keep at it.
3 — Listen to your self-talk
The stories you tell yourself are the single most important reason for your unhappiness. Take control of your narratives and you can change your life. Sometimes just saying things as they really are (without adding any of your perspectives) can make life so much simpler.
4 — Replace “Oh it sucks!” with “ That’s interesting!”
Maintaining a beginner’s mind in every situation (especially unexpected ones) can make a lot of difference. If you believe that something is going to be bad, more often than not, it will be horrible. Assume that things are different and unexpected, but not necessarily bad.
5 — “Good Enough” is good enough
Sometimes realizing that you are, after all, an animal that is meant to eat, sleep and have sex. The fact that you can do so much more in life is a miracle in itself. You don’t have to be perfect in everything you do. You have to be good enough on an average which means: you will have a fair share of bad and awesome!
6 — Write it down
Write down everything. Writing declutters your mind. When you write something — you take it away from your immediate concerns. You can write your pending tasks, your worries, your emotions, almost anything. On really hard days, I used to write down how my “today” should look like and then tried to follow it. It helped me navigate those days without spiraling into the abyss of anxiety.
7 — Focus on small things that you can do or avoid
Simple things affect your body in a big way. You can do these simple things to reduce your anxiety: drink water, breathe deeply, sleep on time, walk, sit in the sun, 30-minutes workout, pursuing a hobby, talk to strangers. So, try these out!
And then there are little things that can make you more anxious: smoking, bad eating habits, thinking about future tasks, too-much coffee, over-sleeping in the morning, reading random google searches on anxiety. Avoid them!
8 — Know yourself
We are shaped by our genes and our upbringing. Little things from our past cast huge shadows on our present. Learning more about them can help you rediscover yourself. To begin with, find out what drives you, what deters you, what piques your anxiety and what calms you down. And then keep discovering!
9 — Life is for living
Sometimes acknowledging that there is no higher purpose in life can help as well. The realization that success/failures are all our stupid constructions can set you free to live a life that suits you.
10 — Being happy now!
You can’t remember happiness. You can’t defer it for the future. To be happy is to be in the present. You can be happy now but you can only be happy now.
While we are all very different, we are also surprisingly similar. What has helped me, some of it may help you! Some of it may not help you! But as I have said above, the best thing you can do is to openly seek help. To paraphrase Dumbledore, “Help will always reach those, who ask for it!”
What is, may not be. What is, may still be. But every moment holds its magic.
#LetUsTalkAboutIt
