All My Relationships Are Bisexual
Far too often bi+ people are mis-labelled based on the sexuality of people they are in relationship with.
No straight or gay people call their relationship(s) bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual or queer.
Moreover, many bisexual people often tell me about their straight and/or gay relationship(s) — we embody that what we have been taught.
The truth is bisexuality doesn’t morph into hetero- or homo- to align with someone else’s sexual orientation. Our sexuality remains!
Sure, relationships don’t have sexuality. People do!
And it’s people who can help create more inclusive words and experiences for everyone.
This is why ALL my relationships — romantic, sexual and/or platonic — are bisexual. I demand respect and spotlight by giving my relationship(s) sexual orientation. If you find this weird, you are missing the point.
Let’s keep exploring together.
I often say that flaunting bisexuality is good for our mental health. I, of course, use the word flaunting because of the ironically privileged question I sometimes receive “why do you need to tell people that you are bisexual”.
Because heterosexuality is the preferred and dominant sexuality in most cultures. I know that because no heterosexual people feel the need to “come out” and/or hide their hetero- relationships from the eyes of others, amongst other things.
Therefore, flaunting our bisexuality helps us assert the right to exist, offers desperately needed representation, enabling the alignment between who we truly are and the world — it’s nurturing and empowering.
Homosexuality has certainly gained its rightful spotlight in some cultures.
Bisexuality, however, remains a “dirty little secret”, a pornographic scenario or a made-up-attention-seeking-tactic.
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring attention, having a secret or enjoying some pornography, bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation, which mustn’t be ridiculed and punished.
Straight people hold hands in public, share weddings photos on Instagram, make out in night clubs and on park benches, neither of which is considered wrong or attention seeking — it’s just people doing their people thing.
This is why my relationships are bisexual — my sexuality is the admired and cherished centrepiece, which co-exist with those who don’t identify as bisexual. We can hold multiple perspectives at the same time. But you don’t get to define how I or my relationship(s) identify.
I know many of my bi+ peers often refer to their relationship as heterosexual or gay. There once was time when I applied the same treatment to my relationships as well. My sexuality is almost always assumed based on my partner’s sex, gender expression and/or sexuality. And even some of my bisexual peers keep questioning my sexuality for me.
Because we don’t flaunt bisexuality enough to help correct the misunderstanding, erase the stigma and place more bisexual people in the places where they can help create the change we all want to see.
If you are feeling the urge to label someone’s relationship — pause, breathe in and out slowly and don’t.
It’s simple: you don’t need to guess or define me.
Just listen and believe me.
Visible Bi+ is a space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices. We’re striving to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure. Join us and SHARE YOUR STORY!
