My Bisexuality is an Everchanging Spectrum
It is always changing.
The cool think about sexuality, in my experience, is that it is a spectrum that changes over time. The idea of my sexuality, how I have experienced my sexuality, and how my relationships and personal friendships have shifted and shaped my perspective of my sexuality over time all come into play.
When I was in middle school, I recall looking at both sexes of my classmates and thinking that there were attractive features in both, but the idea of sexuality and romance wasn’t really developed yet. I had “crushes” on a few girls and guys, but more in a “they are really pleasing to the eye” and “I enjoy being around this person” kind of way .
In high school, I’d say that classmates were judgmental of sexuality that deviated any way from the “norm.” We had a few openly gay students in school, and those students were openly made fun of. At the high school level, I certainly was at a stage where I knew I was sexually into both sexes, but I didn’t have much dating or sexual experience with either. I was also afraid that I would end up liking one sex more than the other after experimentation, and that would lead to me “choosing” the sex that I preferred more as my sexual orientation.
My first sexual experiences were with men, and it was nerve-racking during the initiation phase but ended up being immensely enjoyable. I’d say that my attraction level was high, but I didn’t get any urges to date men. Once I started getting heavy into sports, I started seeing women and ended up dating a girl for almost 10 years. From my encounters in high school and college, my attraction level was high for females, and I also had the added intimate/romantic attraction that I didn’t necessarily feel for men.
Looking back to the high school/college years, I can reflect and pinpoint times where I definitely felt more than physical attraction to men. I recall a few dudes that were straight that I hung out with, but they had the type of personality and sense of humor that made me think that I could potentially date a guy with a similar personality.
I’m 31 now, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 5 years, and it’s been a near flawless relationship. She embraces my sexuality and supported me when I came out on social media and to my friends. I’d say that most of my friends are straight, and I was a bit afraid that they would think, “If John likes men, he’s going to try to make a move on me.” The polar opposite happened. Most friends did not care at all, already knew I was bi, and joked around with me about it. This has led to a complete normalization of my sexuality around folks who certainty aren’t used to hanging out with people in the LGBT community, and it has opened up their perspective on what sexuality is and the idea that sexuality isn’t something that is always shoved in your face and pushed on you like politics or religion (which is something that I think a lot of straight folks fear is going to happen).
Like personal views and feelings on politics, philosophy, economics, etc., sexuality is something this is malleable: it can shapeshift and change over time. I’m grateful to live in a liberal city like Boston that gave me the opportunities to explore and experiment with my sexuality rather than hide it and keep it pent up inside (leading to feelings of confusion and resentment).
John C. Caccaviello resides in Boston and has a master’s degree in medical anatomy and medical neurobiology from Boston University School of Medicine and currently works in pharmaceuticals/biotech. He has two publications: (1) Identifying the integrated neural networks involved in capsaicin-induced pain using fMRI in awake TRPV1 knockout and wild-type rats and (2) The effects of Risperidone on the vestibular system of healthy volunteers as assessed by dynamic computed posturography. His main scientific interest is diaschisis following stroke in cortical areas. In his personal life, he identifies as a bisexual male, follows and plays a multitude of sports, loves to read, and is a huge beer advocate.
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