Why I’m ‘Always’ Talking About Bisexuality (And You Should Too)
Apparently, I am ‘always’ talking about bisexuality. Do I though?
And do you know why it matters to ‘always’ talk about it? Let’s explore.
It’s important to remember that generalisations like “always”, “everyone”, “all the time”, “never” (and some others) are often used with the intention to emphasise something but tend to detract from the ability to communicate effectively. While those words (and feelings attached) are real and valid, they aren’t true. Those words are often the language of an activated nervous system. It’s common for people to ask me “why are you talking about bisexuality all the time?” with a lot of frustration in their voice, which, of course, has nothing to do with me.
I don’t know why any particular people dislike me highlighting marginalised communities but I know that many of us experience systemic oppression daily and one way it tries to control us is via the common “why are you always talking about bisexuality?” accusation.
And it used to hurt me.
There was time when I’d genuinely question myself, feeling the weight of some else’s discomfort with my existence. On the millionth time of asking myself, I finally realised that those questions were not seeking my answers. They were intended to shut me up, intentionally or not.
Even most privileged people often embody and harbour oppression and bigotry, policing their own feelings and behaviours as well as others.
Of course, most straight people don’t ever have to “come out” or agonise in fear over being found out. They flaunt their sexuality daily and proudly, often unaware of their privilege — there is no threat to their wellbeing, their jobs or their lives. And they often have no idea that anyone else may be any different.
Not knowing, of course, doesn’t make it better. Neither does it justify their ignorance. However, realising it helped me stop looking at myself when accused of… I am going to call it My Bisexual Agenda.
Sometimes people are genuinely curious. And although it showcases their ignorance, they may be trying to understand. Those people would probably use different language. One can hope!
As a bi+ writer, reader, events host and activist, I indeed feel like my life is soaked in everything queer. And sometimes I am tired of myself. However, this is very different from those who have never investigated their own feelings, biases and experiences and are now confronted by my existence.
Almost every day, I am mislabeled and often misunderstood, showing me that queer is not a default way of being. Moreover, many of us are born into the cultures where we learn very quickly that straight is the preferred and often safe sexuality, sometimes even trying to be heterosexual. I love trying lives on. And that one didn’t fit me. Straight was certainly a phase for me but it has never been true.
In the title of this article, I included a “should” — something I strongly despise and rarely use. However, I am using this word here as a cry for attention and call to action. If you can, flaunt your sexuality, breaking down the dominant binary thinking and ideas, helping normalise human diversity. If you can, use the entire “bisexual” word instead of “bi”, helping normalise the word “sex” in many prude cultures around the world (especially here, in Australia). If you can, keep ‘always’ talking about your sexuality. If you can, share this article and keep having queer conversations until there isn’t a single human who finds our existence uncomfortable, controversial or weird.
USEFUL LINKS:
Sydney Bi+ Social Club Private Facebook Group
Sydney Bi+ Social Club Instagram
Bi & Prejudie (book) by Anna Kochetkova
Visible Bi+ is a space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices. We’re striving to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure. Join us and SHARE YOUR STORY!
