You Can Be Masculine and Bi
There is no “look” for bi.
A little bit of background. My name is John, and I’m from Boston Massachusetts. I’m from an Italian and religious family. I’m around 6'3, huge into sports, video games, beer, my corgi, the gym, my girlfriend, and my education. I went to Boston University School of Medicine and Northeastern University for my education, and I currently work in the field of pharmaceuticals and biotech. Most would consider me, by appearance and demeanor, to be extremely masculine.
I’ve known that I was bisexual since I was, if I had to throw a time on it, in middle school or high school. While most of my close friends only talked about female partners and being attracted to females, I always had it in the back of mind that both sexes were extremely attractive. I’ve had only girlfriends, and currently have a girlfriend of five years, but have been with both sexes sexually since I was in my teens.
Is there a stigma against bisexual men? I’d say so, although I haven’t been discriminated too much in terms of my sexuality. I’ve come out to all of my friends and on social media, and most have been supportive. However, I’ve noticed that, since coming out, most of my close high school and college friends don’t hang out with me in person anymore. I have an extremely close group (post-graduate school), but those from my earlier history have faded into the weeds.
Prior to meeting my current girlfriend, I dated a lot of girls via online dating. I’m someone that would rather be honest up front than tell someone down the line and having them disappoint me. So, my sexuality is one of the first things that I bring up to someone that I am interested in dating. I’d say that 70–80 percent of girls would ghost me after giving them this tidbit regarding my sexuality. Those that didn’t ghost me said that they rarely trust men not cheating on them with women (never mind other men) and that it would be too much to trust someone like me.
If I had to give advice to anyone who has lived a similar story as me, I’d say keep being honest as those who accept you will be with you through thick and thin. Those who don’t aren’t worth the time and effort. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, but I have still not come out to my parents (which would probably be the most difficult thing for me to do). We all have things to work on. Keep pushing forward.
John C. Caccaviello resides in Boston and has a master’s degree in medical anatomy and medical neurobiology from Boston University School of Medicine and currently works in pharmaceuticals/biotech. He has two publications: (1) Identifying the integrated neural networks involved in capsaicin-induced pain using fMRI in awake TRPV1 knockout and wild-type rats and (2) The effects of Risperidone on the vestibular system of healthy volunteers as assessed by dynamic computed posturography. His main scientific interest is diaschisis following stroke in cortical areas. In his personal life, he identifies as a bisexual male, follows and plays a multitude of sports, loves to read, and is a huge beer advocate.
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