Member-only story
“Five Guys? Not Tonight, Love.”
A lesson in language and lost meaning
There are moments in life that make you stop and think, Ah. That didn’t land the way I intended. Mine came one late evening, somewhere between a bus stop, a hunger craving, and the unmistakable look of concern from a passing nurse.
It was my first visit to Five Guys. Not five actual guys. The burger joint. As a vegan, I don’t go there for the meat, obviously, but I’d heard rave reviews about their fries. Hand-cut. Cooked in peanut oil. Crunchy on the outside, fluffy on the inside. I was curious.
It was late, around 10 minutes before closing. I was in an unfamiliar part of town, and the bus was nearly empty. Still unsure where to get off, I leaned over to ask a fellow passenger.
“Excuse me, do you know where I can find Five Guys?”
The response? A swift shake of the head and an emphatic, “No.”
Not a confused no. A disapproving no. Like I’d asked something I very much shouldn’t have.
I thought, Okay, odd, but whatever. Maybe they just didn’t know the area.
At the final stop, I got off and told the bus driver, “I’m looking for Five Guys.”
He blinked slowly and said nothing. But he gave me that you alright, love? kind of look.
