How To Survive Your Teenager
5 tips from the other side
It is no secret that teenagers can be difficult. Suddenly this little cherub who used to enjoy your company, who could engage in conversation using words with all the syllables and vowels included, and who you met regularly in the daylight hours, turns into a hormone-fuelled, monosyllabic, fridge-guzzling human who keeps the same hours as the bats.
It is a shock, and this often coincides with things like menopause so homes are dripping in hormone-filled angst and anger.
Now we are on the other side, my son and I can sit and laugh about some of the things that happened. He is quite mortified by some of them, but he was just acting his age.
One of the hardest things about parenting is you get through this stage and, just as they are becoming the well-rounded person you had hoped they would become, they go and leave home and other people reap the rewards.
So, here are my top tips from the other side. These are from my own experience and should be taken a little tongue-in-cheek.
#1 Prepare for the 24/7 critique
Your teenager will criticise everything you do. In my case, everything I wore, said, did, believed, or anything I showed any enthusiasm for, was wrong.
I remember saying to my son that I would quite like to lose a little bit of weight. He responded, “Well, a few less baked goods would help”. I don’t know how he made it out of that room intact.
#2 Quality snacks
By ensuring that my fridge, freezer and cupboards contained a never-ending supply of excellent snacks, I ensured that I saw my child from time to time. It also meant he was happy (if that is the correct adjective for a teenager) to spend time at home. His friends often visited and made good use of the enhanced freebies. This may not sound like a positive thing, but this leads to my next tip.
#3 Know their friends
The thing with most teenagers is, they don’t all see you in the same light. The disdain that my son demonstrated toward me was not shared by his friends. They would happily engage in conversation, and partake of the snacks of course.
The value of them knowing you as a friendly face is when things go wrong, either for them or for your own child.
I was called by my son’s friends one evening, as they were worried about him. He had been drinking and they weren’t sure where he went. If they didn’t know me, and were not comfortable with me, I would not have got that call.
All was ok, thankfully. I rescued my drunk teenager from just outside the party, made sure he was alright overnight and enjoyed watching him suffer his horrific hangover the next day. Lesson learned.
#4 Find common ground
Even if there isn’t any to begin with, find something. It’s that old adage “If you can’t beat them, join them”.
I developed an interest in Italian football, and shared TV programmes (CSI, My Wife and Kids, Father Ted — all the good ones), I would even ask to watch him play his video games.
These were opportunities to bond, to chit-chat and have a laugh. My goodness, you need to take opportunities to laugh together. And those TV programmes gave us our own private vernacular. Those little insider words and jokes sweetened our relationship. Even to this day, we will utter a line from these shows and giggle.
# 5 Remain affectionate
If you have a young one, there will likely come a time when they will be resistant to any sort of affection from you. Where they once leaned into you or enjoyed a big hug, they will begin to shy away from the goodbye kiss or the welcome embrace. Don’t give in to it!
If there is one thing to take seriously from this, it is this tip. I persevered with my son and when the times arrived when he needed my affection, it wasn’t awkward or embarrassing.
I often dropped him off at school in the morning and for a short time he tried to dodge the goodbye kiss and the ‘I love you’. I made it clear to him that if he did not follow these regular steps of our goodbye, I would make a scene.
He learned this the hard way, when leaving me in a supermarket to see his friends, he just walked off. I called his name, he stopped and turned at the end of the aisle, and I shouted “I love you!”
Those teen years just fly by. Try and enjoy them, and try not to lose the connection you have with your child.
It is frightening watching your beloved kid venture further and further out into the world, but that is what they need to do.
One of the best things I ever said to my son was “There isn’t anything you could do that should stop you from coming home”.
Make home the safe place to be.
