You tell me all you mean is “stupid”.
But he was eight when he told me
“They said there’s something wrong with me”.
Imagine your thoughts
Muddled, confined, twisted, warped, imprisoned.
Trapped, you’re trapped.
Imagine you can’t speak, no, not for yourself.
You think “I don’t want juice. I like her. My tummy hurts. I love you. Leave me alone.”
Bend glass, break chairs.
He was five when his eyes screamed the silence of the words
I couldn’t hear.
Imagine boring into the backs of others
Who don’t realize
You’re just tired as them, maybe more.
They walk, run, swim, fly
Away from you.
You just wanted
A hand hug.
He was seven when
A man dressed in a granddad’s cap
Handed me an Avengers lunch box, told me
“Good luck with that thing”.
Imagine no control over your body.
He punches her in the gums,
Makes her cry and bleed,
Imagine the only way to tell
Your frustration, anxiety is
Grating nails over forearms,
Piercing, sawing, biting, calling
He was nine when
His fist snapped against my cheek and
All I could do
Was hold him.
Imagine being stared at, glared at by
Teachers, doctors, mothers,
That family at the zoo.
Kids on the playground point at you
With manicured digits.
He was eleven when
They tapped his two front teeth that
They thought stuck out too far.
Asked him, “Why do you look like that?”
I can still feel
Him suffocating my waist,
Desperation in embrace.
Imagine a wall of judges
“What’s wrong with you?” You are
Weird, ugly, different, ugh
“He just like…makes me uncomfortable”.
He may bark at the sun,
And I’d never known a
Greater impression of a howler monkey or
He was 17 when he asked
“Why will no one be my friend?”
They tell you you’ll never live on your own,
No job either. And your life will end
Lonely, soon even.
Maybe in a house, in a room, no carpet.
He said he would be a baseball player
If he could.
Or a lunch lady, and I swore he should.
He was 19 when he told me
The doctor said he wouldn’t live much longer.
“That’s the way it goes”.
Imagine you grow older in body
But not in mind
A senior citizen dressed in
Frail bones and wrinkled eyes
A Frozen backpack filled with
A pizza Lunchable
She was 66 when she handed me
A homemade drawing of a
Glittery fish. Asked
”What’s cookin’ good lookin’ shakin’ bakin’?”
Tell me all you just mean is “stupid”.
Tell me you’re right, YOU.
YOU with the
Control, body and mind.
Laugh in light of your ability
Use the word,
Because YOU got lucky.
The world tossed you a gift
The typicality of your
Development. YOU, a product of
Use that as
Because he was eight when
I told him he was perfect,
And he told me
I was wrong.