Tangled
A reflection on hearing God
I have, at times, unintentionally thought of my life of prayer and hearing from God as a journey from point A to point B. In particular when it comes to hearing from God about a decision. Not sure where it comes from, but I have my suspicions. I had a big decision to make, it was a decision where both options before me seemed good and potentially fruitful for the Kingdom. I also wanted an answer as soon as possible. However, Jesus had so much more in mind than my apparent need for an answer. The more I share about my life of prayer and walk with others as they grow in prayer, I think I am not alone in this presumptuous “Point A to Point B” manner of praying and seeking God. Examples abound of people seeking the Lord about a spouse, career, moving, needing a breakthrough in their personal life, missional pursuits etc.
Of course, I do believe God to be a good and interested Father who has thoughts on your decisions and He is happy to share those thoughts with you. The problem (though I have since discovered it is not so much a problem) is that I find my times of prayer and discernment are far less linear and far more circuitous, tangled if you will. Instead of direct answers or leadings, the Lord often takes me first to places in my heart and life that I was not expecting or to be honest, places that I do not want to deal with before I get to the decision or reason for my choice of retreat. Much like the Israelites in the wilderness, wandering and being sifted, my prayer retreats feel as much about wandering through the wilderness of my own heart as much as it feels about getting to what I perceive to be the promised land of a decision or a breakthrough.
When I describe a retreat of prayer as though it were tangled, I am not speaking of distractions like tweets, text messages, YouTube videos or butterflies, rather Spirit led excursions into places in our hearts and lives that the Lord has desired to address but we have been too busy for or simply ignored. In doing so, we often find that it is those things that the Spirit leads us into that we in fact must go through to hear better from Him on decisions and breakthroughs.
It reminds me of what I have always found to be a peculiar and somewhat troubling pair of verses in Psalm 23. After beautifully describing the Lord as my shepherd, that I have need of nothing and he will rest and restore me David says these words…
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
David writes that God guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake but then immediately following this promise, apparently some of those right paths go through dark valleys. Why would He do that? Just as troubling is reading about Jesus’ excursion into the wilderness in all three of the Synoptic gospels. They record that Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Spirit to be tempted by the devil. Jesus was led by the Spirit into the darkest valley. Again, why would the Spirit do that? When you read further about Jesus’ wandering in the wilderness you discover that the devil’s assault is on Jesus’ name, his very identity. He says to Jesus, “If you are the Son of God…”. I am becoming more sure that what ultimately concerns the Lord in our lives and identities is His name. Looking back on Psalm 23, I am reminded that He guides us on the right paths for his name’s sake. He leads me in retreats of prayer, as tangled as it feels at times, so that His name would be glorified in my pursuit of Him, in my identity, in my lifestyle, in my character and in the deepest places of my heart where, unbeknownst to me, I at times tread through dark valleys.
As I mentioned, my own retreat recently was regarding a decision that was before me. I have since come to a decision that I needed by God’s grace, having heard from the Lord during this last month of prayer, for which I am grateful. But equally as important to me were all those places that the Lord addressed during my prayer time, which I was unaware of or unwilling to deal with. In fact, in addressing those things, I am better able to follow Jesus with the direction He has given me regarding my decision.
I realize that those who might read this are themselves people like me on the road of following Jesus on his mission in the world. You have chosen to give your whole life, as best you are able, to serve and proclaim Jesus among the lost and poor. A choice which I stand with you in solidarity. But as passionately as you do outreaches, lose sleep caring for others, live simply for the sake of using your resources for the kingdom and many other things, I plead with you to be a person who intentionally and regularly takes time and attention to follow Jesus in prayer and retreat as he leads you along right and yet tangled paths through the wilderness of your life and heart. In doing so, he will form you to be a person like David, the writer of Psalm 23, one after his heart (Acts 13:22). He will make your life, both in practice and in secret, one that is for His name’s sake.
