What is a Wabi-Sabi Journey?

In November and early December of 2019, I visited Japan for some weeks. I was introduced to the concept of wabi-sabi by a casual remark: “This is wabi-sabi, no?” I had no idea what that meant so I started asking questions. And every response took me down a different path. It seemed that wabi-sabi was an intellectual construct, but also an attitude, as well as a way of seeing and feeling.

When I returned to the U.S., I wanted to learn more. So I read and I researched. I did what I’ve been educated, trained and conditioned to do. Which, I came to understand, is so not wabi-sabi.

I have no business trying to explain wabi-sabi. I’m an Irish Catholic-Romanian Jewish woman, raised in New Jersey, who has worked, lived and raised her family in Kansas. Regardless, here is my very imperfect, fluid and evolving understanding of wabi-sabi.

Wabi-sabi is a way of approaching and experiencing life … but one that I was taught and conditioned my entire life to reject. I was raised to defer to experts, to believe that people more intelligent, more perceptive and more educated than myself got to define what was important to achieve, to desire, to value… and to decide what is beautiful and thus deserving of my limited time and focus. They, those other people, decided what was worth seeing, or doing, and what were the most enriching and rewarding experiences.

For 40 years, I’ve worked as a therapist, mediator and writer. My work has been deeply satisfying, but also all-consuming. I’ve struggled to know, to appreciate, who I am apart from my work, distinct from my roles as a mother, daughter, spouse. I’ve lived by schedules, where the potential richness of moments was buried by the weight of days/weeks/months of relentless commitments. I’ve spent my life ‘out of balance,’ so focused on ‘making a living’ that I lost touch with the meaning and blessing of being alive.

Over time, however, I realized that I was different internally when I traveled. I was not just “me” in a different place, geography or culture… but, sometimes, a different “me.” This did not happen often, and was less likely if I traveled with family. But, if I was alone, if I could step away from roles and duties, I encountered a woman who was less judgmental, less obsessive, less anxious about staying on schedule, doing things right or making things perfect. She was more self-accepting, relaxed, gentle and curious. I like that woman. I’d like to spend more time with her. But when I returned to my over-extended life, I lost sight of her.

Now, if you’re confused about where I’m going with this, or how it applies to you, consider it a warm-up to understanding wabi-sabi.

Wabi-sabi, as a concept, is elusive. Guiding beliefs under the umbrella of wabi-sabi are that everything in life is imperfect, incomplete and impermanent. It is only when we accept, embrace, that reality, that we humans can (even if only temporarily) release ourselves from exhausting over-commitment, undermining self-judgment, devaluing comparisons and pursuing goals that leave us empty.

Wabi-sabi values our unique individual intuition to discover, un-veil, what satisfies us, what brings us joy. Looking within, attending to our gut responses, can interrupt fixating on control, accomplishments, possessions or reputation as end-goals. But even if we feel bound to lives of work and obligations, we can still experience wabi-sabi — — by opening up days, hours, or even minutes where we consciously direct our focus to the air, the wind, the sky, the changing seasons, the smells and tastes of living.

(Another understanding of wabi-sabi relates to objects, to creating an environment that fosters connection to nature and simplicity in design. But that is secondary to what we embrace for a journey.)

A wabi-sabi journey is travel that invites engagement with nature, with culture, with people, with the richness of diversity. But more than that, it is a journey that invites us to engage with self in a different way, to not feel compelled to ‘do it all’ or ‘see it all.’ A wabi-sabi journey is not over-scheduled. It leaves room for spontaneity. There is time and space allowed to simply be. “To do” lists are cut, visiting only one museum in a day instead of two or three, and time to explore without an agenda or destination. Yes, we will check e-mails, take pictures — but not every few minutes, not so much that the technology directs the experience. A wabi-sabi journey may wean the self from technology, allowing us to appreciate for ourselves what difference that makes in how we hear, see, taste, smell and feel.

A wabi-sabi journey can happen in a city. It can be found in the contrast between the hustle of crowds of people all going about the business of living and the momentary escape to a pocket park, or the noise of traffic alongside the smell of a river. It can be sitting in a sidewalk café and people-watching or listening to street musicians.

A wabi-sabi journey is the antithesis of the selfie. It is the antithesis of ‘checklist travel.’ It is less what you ‘should’ see or do and more what you intuitively feel that you want to see and do. A wabi-sabi journey is also one where you’re more accepting of your own contradictions and flaws, where you extend to yourself the same courtesy, the kindness, you would show a stranger.

In directing out attention to the natural, wabi-sabi is a consistent reminder that our lives are no more than leaves, changing color and then dropping, with every change of season, from the trees. For some, this is painful (“Hey, sorry, but get over yourself, you’re just a leaf”) but for others is can be both healing and liberating.

Wabi-sabi journeys can happen anywhere, at any time, for months or minutes. These journeys take us into the ‘other’ of people, place and culture … and into ourselves. Twenty minutes sitting quietly in our own backyard, hearing only stillness and night sounds under a crescent moon, feeling our breath slow and deepen? This is a wabi-sabi journey. Travel to a foreign country, immersion in a different language and culture, wide-eyed and enthralled? This, too, can be wabi-sabi.

And that whisper of melancholy, when beauty or music grab hold of us and we feel so incredibly alive, when we yearn to make it last… that sadness, too, is wabi-sabi. As is the warmth of gratitude that softly suffuses our limbs when we feel deeply content. These are the enigmas, the blessings, of a wabi-sabi journey.

Postscript:

This “publication” is a journey in itself. I’m a novice, a newbie, in both understanding wabi-sabi and applying it to my own life. But, when first intrigued, I realized that my best travel experiences have been when I abandoned unrealistic schedules and gave myself permission to just “be.’ My most cherished memories were not when I completed a ‘checklist’ but when I went rogue.

I’ve been a travel writer, freelance and part-time, for over 25 years. I have articles and experiences to share, about both places and process. I’ll be inviting other travel writers, fellow journey-seekers and friends, from the Society of American Travel Writers (SATW) and Midwest Travel Journalists Association (MTJA) to share some of their experiences.

And I intend to invite you, readers who love to explore, to share your own personal journeys of discovery of self and place.