Grief

The coming months will bring slow, measured relaxation of our physical distancing interventions. Even with a slow, phased re-opening of the state, we are likely to see COVID-19 spike again. We may open our doors, only to close them again in a matter of months. We will need to develop effective treatments for COVID-19 or a vaccine before we can stop dialing up and down the physical distancing interventions. Although it’s possible that treatments may be developed sooner, in the best case scenarios, we are still at least 12–18 months from a vaccine.

So this strange, new world we live in with the kids at home, job furloughs and losses, and makeshift work areas in busy corners of our homes, is going to be with us for a while. Polls show that 66% of Americans are concerned that the states will remove restrictions too quickly. Intellectually, we know the risks of COVID-19, and we understand why we need to stay in our homes. But that doesn’t stop us from having very real emotional reactions to the large and small losses we are experiencing.

We are grieving. And we might recognize some of our reactions as the stages of grief. These stages are natural responses to the feelings we have about our losses. And just like our feelings can change and we can have more than one feeling at a time, we can move back and forth among the stages of grief and experience more than one at a time.

Denial

Denial might feel like a sense of unreality. What is this surreal world I woke up into today? We just focus on getting through the day. We don’t want to wear a mask to the grocery store. We feel like this doesn’t really apply to us — I’m healthy, I’m young, I’ll be fine. We look for loopholes in the physical distancing rules and find a way to justify seeing our friends or setting up play dates. Denial is a normal response, but these are unhelpful actions.

Anger

There are so many reasons to be angry. Angry at our leaders, angry at the stay at home order, and angry at school and business shutdowns. Angry at job losses and changes. Angry because the grocery store doesn’t have what you need or can’t deliver it today. There’s no need to suppress anger. Feel your anger and stay home.

Bargaining

Bargaining is a way of trying to live in the past. We wonder what if we had never shut down schools and businesses? Maybe this wasn’t necessary in the first place. What if we had shut down earlier? Would we be done by now?

Depression

This is a hard time. It makes sense to feel sad and to wish things were different. It’s not mental illness to be sad. If you are so depressed and anxious that you really struggle to get through the day, call your doctor or the crisis line.

Acceptance

We will eventually leave our homes and go to school and to work, but we are not going back to life exactly as we left it. This experience has changed us. We will have a new normal. With acceptance comes the creativity and ingenuity to bounce back and to make something great out of this new normal.

Practice compassion

More than two-thirds of us are worried that the states will open too soon. We are worried about our health, and we are worried about the economy and our jobs and our neighbors’ businesses. It’s normal and totally okay to have a wide range of emotions. Feel these feelings. Name them. And remember that we get to our “new normal” most quickly when we all stay home.

More information

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Information in this blog changes rapidly. Check the state’s COVID-19 website for up-to-date and reliable info at coronavirus.wa.gov.