5 Signs of a Healthy Ego
To all people with big egos, including grandiose egos who will not read this anyway.
What types of egos do people have, generally speaking? I would say, three types, namely:
1 Low self-esteems who should build up their self-confidence. Easy to spot, not so easy to fix.
2 Healthy egos who tend to be hard on themselves, too conscientious, and take too much responsibility for others’ wrongful actions.
3 Grandiose egos who think they don’t have a problem, but everyone else does. Easy to spot, hard to fix.
Putting aside the well-known problems with low self-esteem, how to tell a healthy ego from a grandiose ego?
- How big should the ego be for a healthy self-esteem?
- When does assertiveness become dominance?
- When does self-love become pure selfishness?
- How much of my personal boundaries can I give back without becoming a pushover?
Here’s a checklist to consider. You have a healthy ego if:
1. You are reading this post.
You are genuinely interested in any information on self-improvement, self-development, personal growth, raising self-awareness, working on emotional intelligence and so on. Yes, you are self-confident and even self-assured, and let’s face it, a bit self-focused, but you recognise that you are not ideal and there is always room for improvement.
A grandiose ego believes they are perfect. Their self-improvement is limited to professional training imposed on them by their employer. The grandiose ego thinking, ‘Right, I have seen it all, but will play along because my career is at stake’.
2. You ask questions.
You have a reasonably good grasp of reality. I mean the real reality. Or at least the closest approximation to the true reality. Leaving aside metaphysical debates about what true reality is. You doubt yourself now and then, and when this happens you ask questions. You use this very simple technique to do a quick and dirty reality check: is your perception of what’s going on around similar to that of other people? If not, why not — what have I missed here?
A grandiose ego never asks questions. This simply doesn’t cross their mind. They painted a certain picture of reality in their mind and the last thing they want is for this reality to collapse. What do other people think? What people?
3. You give and take in relationships.
You recognise that relationships — or any interactions for that matter — are all about exchange of time, emotions, conversation, advice, listening ear, intimacy, help, money. Sometimes you willingly give more, sometimes you take more, because the other person is very generous. But as a rule, you are well aware that all interactions — absolutely all of them — are about giving and taking. No matter how self-confident you are, you realise that if you continuously break this rule, the relationship will collapse.
A grandiose ego expects that others will follow them and stick around, miss them and rush to help them just because. It might be that the grandiose ego confuses others with a model agency that hires you just for the great looks. That is, if there is great looks, and even this is often not present.
4. You know it’s not all about you.
You know you are intelligent, attractive, self-reliant, loved, charming and a winner, generally speaking. You may be genuinely convinced that you are the best of the best, but a part of your mind tells you that there are others like you, too. And even those who are not ‘best of the best’ may still have other interests in life, apart from your persona. You could even go as far as recognising that more often than not other people are so focused on their own lives that your persona is rarely on their top priority list.
A grandiose ego is convinced that other people exist to reinforce the importance of the grandiose persona. Other people faint in their presence because they are so impressed by the grandiose persona, not because they find it overbearing and toxic.
5. You don’t panic when people break your rules.
You acknowledge that other people can disappoint you, disagree with you, refuse to be manipulated into what you want and so on. In short, you acknowledge that others have free will and use it. Life doesn’t always go to plan. People don’t always do as they are told, even in kindergarten, let alone adults. It’s disappointing, but it happens all the time and it’s not the end of your world. You don’t take it personally, at least most of the time.
A grandiose ego feels betrayed, annoyed, angry and deeply disappointed when people don’t bend to the grandiose ego’s will. What a shocking surprise that co-workers have different opinions, friends have their own interests and ex-partners refuse to put their lives on hold awaiting the return of the grandiose ego.
People with grandiose egos live in a different reality — some kind of a fairy tale. In their reality everyone and everything should bend to their will. People of the opposite gender smile at them, exclusively. Subordinates exist to advance the grandiose person’s career. Partners exist to satisfy all their wishes. Hurt exes and betrayed friends dote on them no matter what. Flowers bloom for them only. Pink ponies fly in emerald skies.
The worst fear of the grandiose ego that their fairy tale may go down in smokes one day. Their worst enemy is the person who takes a shot at their fairy tale. Who knows what will get exposed?
Knowledge and ego are directly related. The less knowledge, the greater the ego. — Albert Einstein
