Children love to procrastinate, disobey and lack self-discipline, and the root cause lies here. Finally, someone has explained it thoroughly
Are these words very familiar?
Hurry up and wake up. We’re going to be late for school. If we’re late, let’s see how you explain it to the teacher
Eat quickly, the food has already cooled down;
Brush your teeth and go to bed quickly, you won’t be able to get up again tomorrow morning;
How can you procrastinate so much? Why haven’t you finished your homework yet?
You see, it’s been 20 minutes since you left, and you haven’t even put on your clothes yet.
Do you have to tell your child many times every day?
No matter what the child does, they have to be urged?
Do you always feel that the child is too procrastinating
What you think of procrastination may not be
A mother said: My child is always procrastinating in everything they do, eating slowly, and doing homework slowly
Every day when I wake up, I wake up my child and when I have breakfast ready, I find that the child is still washing up.
I finally waited for him to have breakfast, but the result was so slow that it made me anxious and flustered!
Every time I have to urge him nearby, “Hurry up and eat, otherwise it won’t be too late. You’ll be late. How long have your parents been waiting for you after finishing their meals?”
As a result, he is still impatient and sometimes he doesn’t eat anymore.
Every morning, it’s really like fighting, I really have no choice.
Analysis:
Mom has been complaining about her child’s slow pace of doing things, thinking that they can’t keep up with their own pace, so she labeled her child as “procrastinating” but didn’t figure it out:
Is it the child procrastinating or do you think he is slower?
The pace of life and physiology of children is inherently different from that of adults.
They eat slower than us and wash slower than us, not because they deliberately procrastinate, but because their abilities are just that.
Judging whether a child is procrastinating should not be based on the rhythm of the parents. The true criterion for evaluation is the speed of children of the same age.
In fact, there is a difference between procrastination and slowness. Slowness may be due to being slow or being meticulous in doing things, which is related to speed;
And procrastination, on the basis of being slow, has an unwilling factor.
Another mother said, “My child is good at everything, but he does his homework too slowly!”!
She needs two hours for homework that others can finish in an hour.
Every time she does homework, if there is a slight irregularity in her handwriting, she has to erase it and rewrite it.
The day before yesterday, it was past 10 pm and I noticed that she hadn’t finished her homework yet. When I was in a hurry, I told her and ended up making the child cry.
Hey, it looks heartbreaking, but not urging is not enough. I don’t know how long it will drag on without urging.
I also know that she didn’t mean it, she just had a slow temper.
But every time I see her staying up late, I can’t help but get angry and say something about her. After saying it, I regret it. What should I do?
Analysis:
Children are not slow witted, but more so because they pursue perfection too much.
And this kind of consciousness is the psychological impact that parents constantly correct, blame, nitpick, and even tear homework on their children.
Due to the fear of not being able to do their best and being scolded by parents, children lack confidence and always doubt their own behavior.
Do you know the root cause behind children’s procrastination behavior?
Some children’s procrastination is due to a lack of time awareness.
This is a very common situation because children do not know how long “5 minutes”, “half an hour”, and “1 hour” are in large populations.
When you shout to your child in a hurry, “Hurry up, you’ll be late in 5 minutes!”
And the child thought that 5 minutes was a long time, continuing to do what they should do slowly and leisurely.
In this situation, a timer or alarm clock can be used to help concretize the time.
Usually, your reminders always say it’s time to brush your teeth and go to bed. You only talk about things, and your child is under your command, without even the concept of time.
Establish a connection between what is done and time, and replace it with a reminder with a time concept.
For example:
When you ask your child to “wash their face in 5 minutes” or “write new words in 10 minutes”, set the corresponding time;
Let children experience how long “5 minutes”, “10 minutes”, and “half an hour” are in real life.
Parents can also plan ahead when facing difficulties, such as leaving home and reserving time for their children to procrastinate in advance;
And inform the child in advance that we will leave at four o’clock.
Remind the child in advance before going out, and we will be out in ten minutes.
2. Some children procrastinate because they are not interested in what their parents ask them to do and intentionally procrastinate to express their dissatisfaction.
In this situation, it is important to communicate well with the child, ask them why they do not like it, and then discuss together to see if there is a better solution.
Encourage children to participate and come up with solutions on their own, giving them a greater sense of control over their own affairs.
Some things can also be done in interesting ways, and children are more willing to take action.
For example, memorizing texts.
If parents require their children to sit on their backs honestly, they may feel bored and unwilling to carry them, or they may keep procrastinating,
But when some interesting endorsement methods are adopted, the child happily memorizes them.
3. Some children procrastinate because their attention is not focused.
For example, looking around while doing homework, drinking water and using the restroom, seriously affects efficiency.
For this situation, it is recommended that parents ask their children what homework they have on the way to pick them up from school, which subjects they want to do first and which ones they want to do later, and make a plan in advance.
After arriving home, there is no need to rush to ask the child to do homework. The child has been studying all day and definitely wants to play first.
Let the child relax and rest, play for a while, and then start doing homework, which will greatly increase their willingness to start.
Before doing homework, make sure to eat, drink water, eat fruits, and use the restroom neatly, and no longer allow eating casually while doing homework.
Develop good study habits.
While eating and writing, or playing and writing, the speed will definitely slow down. Parents may think that their children are procrastinating, but in fact, it is because their study habits have not been well developed.
Mom, don’t just go in and ask this and that. Frequently interrupting the child can affect their focus.
You can also use the tomato clock time management method to negotiate the time with your child and make good use of the small alarm clock.
Write about 15–30 minutes based on your child’s concentration, and start taking a 5–10 minute break when the alarm goes off.
Moving on to the next round of tomato clocks can gradually improve the child’s time planning ability, protect their attention, and improve efficiency over time.
(Tomato Clock, based on the child’s situation, start with small goals. For example, if the child has poor concentration, you can start with 10 minutes and gradually improve to 15–20–25, etc. This requires us to train for a period of time.)
picture
4. Some children procrastinate because they are competing for power with you.
Parents demand their children to do homework, but their attitude is tough and their children dare not speak up.
But in order to fight for my own rights, I would procrastinate and watch as I did my homework, but I just procrastinated and played while writing.
At this time, children can be given more choices, such as:
Do you do your homework now, or do you do it after playing for 10 minutes? Anyway, you have to write it all, right? Choose it yourself~
Give children limited choices.
When we give children the right to choose, they are more willing to do it.
5. Some children procrastinate because they feel like they have too much homework and are afraid of difficulties.
Divide the homework into smaller goals, making it easier for children to complete one by one.
If he takes a lot at once, he will feel very difficult and feel that there is too much. When can he finish it,
I don’t have time to play anymore, so I keep procrastinating and don’t want to start doing homework. Even if I start writing, I procrastinate because of my fear of difficulty.
Teach children to categorize homework tasks and plan them before doing homework.
Do which one first, then which one.
Just put the same homework that needs to be done on the desktop, and don’t take the rest, so that the child won’t have to look at a lot and make things difficult again.
Let children eliminate it one by one, show them their achievements, and also make a homework list and develop a study plan for the evening.
After finishing each one, you two clap your hands to celebrate, just like letting your child tick it off, it will constantly generate a small sense of achievement.
A good mood leads to good behavior. With a sense of achievement, children become more motivated and efficient in their actions.
6. Some children procrastinate because of insufficient abilities.
For example, when a child in kindergarten wears clothes, due to lack of proficiency and slow movements, it is not a matter of procrastination. So, be more patient and let him practice.
For example, if procrastination is due to not knowing the homework questions, teach the child to do simple tasks first, put aside difficult problems, and finally understand the unclear parts.
You can also go home and briefly review the content of the day before starting to do homework;
Children can organize a set of incorrect questions and engage in deliberate practice, which can effectively enhance their mastery of unfamiliar knowledge points.
One thing to know here is that textbooks are fundamental, repetition is crucial, originating from textbooks and surpassing them.
Be sure to help the child become familiar with the textbook before doing the exercises, as it will be much easier.
7. Some children procrastinate because their parents label them, amplifying the psychological implications of procrastination.
Perhaps the child is a bit procrastinating, and there are occasional good times, but the frequent criticism from parents amplifies his procrastination.
Saying that the child always procrastinates and labeling them as procrastinating.
In the long run, it is a psychological suggestion that children will think that I am the procrastinating child in their mother’s mouth, and I procrastinate whatever I do.
In fact, we can seize the moment when children are not procrastinating, encourage them, positively reinforce them, and give them a positive feeling.
For example, today you acted so quickly and efficiently. You only finished writing at 8:30, so tonight we have time to tell bedtime stories.
8. Some children procrastinate because they have not experienced the natural consequences.
For example, being criticized by the teacher for being late, parents are extremely anxious, and in the end, these things become parents’ affairs.
Parents always impart their own experiences and concepts to their children, and take responsibility for the consequences on their behalf.
We can calmly remind children of the consequences of slow action, but it is best for them to think about the consequences themselves.
For example, if you haven’t arrived at the training class by 10 o’clock today, what will happen? Encourage children to actively consider the consequences of being late.
Release the experience, guide cognition, and give back the child’s feelings.
When children are given the opportunity to experience, they will learn and grow through the experience.
9. Some children procrastinate because of their innate temperament, belonging to delicate and delicate individuals.
If it belongs to children who are sensitive and delicate, such as those who are melancholic and calm, they will always do things slower than others.
Because he spends a lot of time observing and thinking, if he doesn’t have more than 70% confidence, don’t expect him to do it. He will wait, which is easily misunderstood as procrastination.
This type of child must be given time to observe and think.
In this way, children are more willing to take positive actions
Everyone has laziness, and learning is truly a tedious, laborious, and brain wracking task.
If parents use a commanding tone to ask their children to do this and that, the information their children’s brains receive is: being commanded and controlled.
When the information received by the brain is “command” or “control”, the first output of the brain is actually “refusal” rather than “action”.
So, when you command your child to do homework, they are already instinctively resisting and will show signs of procrastination.
When communicating, we say that children are more willing to cooperate and actively engage in:
1. Change “hurry” to “I hope”
For example, hurry up, don’t procrastinate, otherwise we’ll be late and we’ll have to go to the next place.
Change: I hope we can go to the next place in half an hour, so now we almost have to go to the parking lot, otherwise we won’t have time~
2. Change the expression of “you” information to “me” information expression
Children listen more willingly than being ordered.
Put “you want”, “how do you do”, “you should”
Change to “we should be together”, “we should be together”
For example, “After dinner, hurry up and do your homework, or else you’ll have to write until 10 o’clock.”
Change to: “We have finished eating now, what should we do next?”, or hold the child’s little hand and say, “Let’s go do homework~”
For example, “You go write Chinese first, and after finishing Chinese, make the most of your time to write mathematics.”
Instead, he said, “What do you want to write first? This is your arrangement. You have the the final say, and your mother will listen to you.”
For example, “Hurry up and write. Look, what time is it? Don’t procrastinate!” or “Can’t you read the questions more seriously?”
Change to: “What should we pay attention to when doing homework?”
This is to help children transition from passive acceptance to active thinking.
3. Provide children with choices
For example, if we can go out within 10 minutes, we won’t be late for the movie. If we can’t, we can either skip the previous segment or watch it tomorrow.
4. Guide children to think and think quickly on their own
If children can be further guided to find ways to complete their tasks on time, it would be better. The guided questions can be done as follows:
For example, “Have you ever thought of any way to get out before 8 o’clock?”
Or: “Have you ever thought of any way to efficiently and quickly complete your homework so that you have time to play more?”
Correct cognition and guide correctly
When you think that a child procrastinates on homework and has a bad learning attitude, this perception is actually incorrect.
You will think that this kind of cognition is all a child’s problem.
When you think it’s a child’s problem, you can’t help but blame them and blame them.
Your language, habits, and behavior are all complaining and blaming. Over time, you will be disappointed.
These erroneous language, behaviors, and attitudes can lead to negative outcomes for children in the long run.
In fact, the process of children giving up on themselves is actually a process of parents constantly disappointed with their children.
On the other hand, the process of parents constantly being disappointed with their children is also the process of their children giving up on themselves.
Ultimately, it is still due to our incorrect educational beliefs that we always focus on our children’s attitudes and behaviors, constantly urging them, and even yelling and beating them, while ignoring the needs behind their actions.
When we slow down, correct our own misconceptions, set aside the problem of procrastination itself, and understand the needs behind children’s behavior.
Looking at this issue from multiple perspectives and understanding the reasons why children procrastinate, your heart will become softer.
As a result, there are more directions to solve problems and help children overcome procrastination!
Dear, if our article is helpful to you, please follow me! This way, you won’t miss out on daily push notifications!
