From Love to Despair
Navigating Love, Pain, and the Journey to Self-Rediscovery
I fell in love with someone, and that person decided to choose someone else. I suffered from the longing, and all the melancholic songs started to make sense, every bit of what could happen. And it happened – they came back knocking on my door, but I didn’t open it.
It would be naive to open a door that you made sure to close, lock, and ignore, pretending you were never there.
A month passed and ended. I feel useless because she makes me think I need him to keep breathing, but I know I don’t. Yet, at the same time, I try to remember the good things he did, but when I look back, all I can remember is all the harm he did to me, the times he didn’t think of me or my feelings when he knew he was going to do something that would hurt me. He didn’t think of me before betraying my trust and did it in the worst way. I am young, but I am not immature, and everything I went through, all the post-traumatic stress and all the months and months of treatment I went through, meant nothing because he came and broke me. He wasn’t by my side when I faced the greatest fear of my life: dying. I was sure that man in my living room was going to kill us all. He wasn’t there, and when he met me, he manipulated me into believing that he had gone through the same thing. He was cruel, and I just wanted this to end because I don’t want it anymore, I can’t take it anymore, but I also don’t know how to get out of it.
Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation, and you ended everything as if it were nothing. I wanted to understand why you did that.
Before, I thought not feeling anything was bad, but when you feel everything and can’t continue with it, it’s a thousand times worse. Now, coming back from work together, and you call me by my name, “friend,” when we really wanted to say, “love, I missed you!” I know I can overcome this, but I don’t want to kill this feeling. I like you, and I want you more than anything. But our feelings alone are not enough, they never were.
If you need anything else, feel free to ask!
