How writing for a year gave me this game-changing epiphany.
Good day Medium,
I’ll be quick today. (no dirty joke intended)
This was an epiphany I had today, that might just (if I use it right) help me change myself forever.
I hated writing and speaking because, while I did have many opinions, I was never eloquent enough to put it out there. So I wrote ever.
I began writing a lot more ever since we got this one English professor last semester. Basically, he’d teach us as usual, but at the end of class he would make us give him a write up of the topic discussed in that class and that was how he would confirm our attendance. (We need 75% min in all subs to attempt the final exam.) So, after initially complaining like the rest of my class, I’d genuinely pay attention and write down my opinions and you couldn’t slack either, because the next class he’d select a few write ups, and have us give a 2 min talk on it.
So, I do this for 2 semesters, this being the last semester of English (unless I pursue a masters in English) and tomorrow is my English exam. Probably my last one. His classes gave me so much more than just English, particularly this epiphany, so it is poetic, in a way.
“Okay, okay, we get it. You got a good professor, now what?”
Yes, a very good professor, a fun person.
Anyway, so at times, I’d get annoyed that I couldn’t write about things that actually meant something to me, things that I were passionate about. So, I did the most obvious thing, start a medium page/blog/journal.
????
….
“Okay, guilty as charged.”
While I didn’t start a page until late December 2023, I did journal in books, my thoughts, feelings, bucket lists, all you could put on a piece of paper.
THEN I moved on to Medium and I (try to) post regularly. So, now I write and keep writing. Maybe my friends read it, strangers will (hopefully). But I just kept writing and writing, and i enjoyed that i could put it down somewhere.
THE END. (not the end)
The more non-climatic end.
But you’re here for the epiphany, aren’t you? I’m honored.
So, get this, I read a post on medium on how to write better. (I forgot the page; wish I could link it.)
I keep reading it and i had a random thought, and it went like:
“Huh, maybe this will improve how I write.”
That was 2 days ago, the epiphany hit me today.
The epiphany was:
“WAIT A MINUTE, did I just, get pushed to do better (slightly) by comparing our writings?”
*mind blown*
For the first time, I could see someone much better than me, and feel that I can improve to be as good, if not, better than them, surely better than myself of today.
This epiphany staggered me because after reading all those nonsense self-improvement books and their ‘hacks’ I couldn’t fix that one part of me that ‘needed’ fixing. But it is nothing that needed ‘fixing’ because growth, is to find the balance between boredom and petrifying anxiety towards a certain task that requires consistency.
We think we struggle with consistency, we don’t. At least I don’t, I struggle with comparing.
Now, this balance has a term called flow state and i finally understand what IT meant.
Often, I compare myself with other’s progress, and while I’m positive and appreciative of their success, part of me, puts myself down for not being able to do that, essentially saying:
“It’s too hard, why should I even bother? You’ve worked ‘x’ amount of time on it. Still not as good.”
This line has generally been the case for me for MOST of my life. Until I had this one time, where I compared, AFTER making a reasonable amount of progress, that I felt the “wow, this is exciting.” bit of the comparison. Maybe that’s how flow state is fed. To endure for a longer time, you see that you improve but for that you have to realize that, comparing isn’t exactly bad;
It’s bad when you are aimless, because it crushes you. But when you go up to a certain point and improve at your own pace, you see the “challenge” becomes fun and the bigger challenges that were ‘dragons’ once before are just crocodiles now, not weak, but not unkillable, definitely a fun challenge to take on.
(If you’re a maniac who likes fighting crocodiles. I like making analogies, never said I like making ’good’ analogies.)
But yeah, to summarize;
The real struggle is getting started.
Work on something, learn to crawl, walk and run. Look at someone who runs a bit faster than you, and you instinctively want to catch up.
Become a professional consistent try-er, work on something for a substantially long time, then compare to someone who’s lightly better than you. Go slow and stay on the path. This time, when you compare, you’ll only see areas of improvement.
Conclusion?
Idk bro, I liked to write then, I like to write better now, will transfer this skill to other areas of my life.
Hey, take care , yeah? I mean it.
Adios.
