I’m not a Good Person, I Procrastinate
But I Really Want to be One
I’m listening to an audiobook about procrastination right now. It says that the reason why we procrastinate is to avoid the negative emotions associated with the task we’re avoiding. I think about all the times I’ve put something off and all the opportunities I’ve squandered.
You see, I could be much more if it were not for my bad person problem. Over and over again, I’ve chosen the easy way out of everything.
Now it's essential that I tell you that I’m doing okay. That’s why I study emotion regulation. I want to be a good person who shows up for things and makes the world a better place.
I want to show up for you and for me, every time. Because that’s all procrastination is. Not showing up for yourself and others. I’m a constant pain relief seeker. All hedonism, all the time. I swear I used to know the meaning of hard work. I worried that some people might think they would want a life like this. Please trust me, it’s not only not a party, but it’s the opposite. Paying attention to only yourself is an overwhelmingly lonely existence.
What is a good person? Someone who shows up and someone who does the work. What’s the work? The opposite of the work is being afraid they will still think I cheated at life, that I got this far on…
