Men Venting: Is It Really A Rant?
“I woke up on Friday morning 4 AM to a message that one of me friends back home had killed himself. This was eh, five hours before my weigh-in. So Ricky, lad that’s for you. There’s a stigma in this world that men can’t talk, listen: if you’re a man and you got weight on your shoulders, and you think the only way you can solve it by killing yourself, PLEASE SPEAK TO SOMEONE! Speak to anyone! I know I would rather my mate cry on my shoulder than go to his funeral next week. So please let’s get rid of this stigma and men start talking!”
That quote is from Paddy “Baddie” Pimblett. An MMA fighter that competes in UFC Lightweight Division. Don’t believe me? Here’s the video.
Who doesn’t like watching UFC? Definitely not me. Although I’m quite casual, I watched some fights on UFC 300 yesterday. I was rooting for Poatan and Gaethje.
Back to the topic, as you know, we all have our own struggles. The pressures of life and negative thoughts often lead to a desire for death, specifically a sweet and quick end to our pain or run away from our problems. Women have their own issues, and we men have ours. The problem is, why does society and the world ignore ours? It’s acceptable for women to talk about their problems, but why can’t men do the same? We are all humans, so why the differences? Men are judged when they open up. I want to discuss three various methods I know that men resort to for venting. Yes, you read that right. Men have creative ways to express their minds and feelings, or at least cope with their struggles. You must be familiar with something like this:
1. Humor:
Yup, that’s right. Through humor, memes, and jokes. Sometimes self-deprecating, sometimes defeatist, like “Whoever’s praying for my downfall, you won.” — People comment “Real” because it reflects their own experiences and feelings, carrying a meaning and intent, often conveying an indirect message. You get the idea. There’s another way, not that different from this one.
2. Romanticization
It’s the romanticization and idolization of fictional characters, where individuals strive to emulate these characters in their own lives or vice versa thinking these characters have same life like them. You’re likely familiar with terms like ‘Sigma’ and ‘Literally me’.
Now I must tell you, I’m not certain when or where did word ‘Sigma’ originated in internet but when I was in Politigram era back to 2018–2019 when the word wasn’t as popular as now, it was used for mocking men with fragile ego and their arrogance or simply as a cliché way of asserting “my opinion is better than your opinion” with Polozhenie lone wolf-vibed music, I don’t know why the concept of this word changed; it was originally meant for sarcasm and mocking a specific category of people. funny how it’s currently used for glorifying something, or even getting advertised and sold for ego booster by the ‘Red Pill’ community, no joke people sell and actually buy this word as whatever course name and cologne brand. Don’t believe me? Search it now. For those who wondering what is Politigram, I will make it it’s own page for next one.
Back to topic: ‘Literally me’ is a self-explanatory sentence. If you see people saying or commenting “literally me’’ at a character, 90% chance that character is suffering something, or unhinged, or both. There is something not right with that character. Here’s few of characters I’m talking about:
I was about to show you the chart of ‘literally me’ characters, each with its own category. However, I decided not to because, unfortunately, the creator of this chart, from what I read, died by suicide. He had made a ‘literally me’ edit on his channel, and I don’t want to be disrespectful to the deceased. Instead, I will describe it in my own way. It includes all four categories, here:
- Crazy (this one including Elliot Rodger)
- Edgelord
- Wannabe edgelord
- Normal (no characters)
Next method is:
3. Self-Harm
Every men have coping mechanism, all previous points is also forms of cope. This one is extreme, first of all please whoever been through this seek help! You don’t deserve this, talk to someone at this point, even a stranger like me.
Self-harm is not only cutting the arms with the razor or blade. I don’t want to give any more instructions for this. I will talk about how it’s not always coping mechanism case, it’s also can be an addiction. Read this, they want to be caught, they want people notice while they keep it secret, they are screaming for help. Whoever have friends that you suspect them doing self-harm, check on them, trust your guts and ask them about it, help them, comfort them. Please, the world is not kind enough to them and everyone.
Personal Experience And The Problem With The Stigma
I get it if men is different than women, I agree that men shouldn’t think with their feelings and keep being rational regardless. However talking about your feelings doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. Crying is allowed, you can cry but do it privately. Suicide and going rampage is undoubtly worse than crying in your mate shoulder or mom laps. I’m not against stoic and stable or men that bottled up their emotions, in fact I like them as well! My own father is a stoic man and bottled up his emotions, I never see him cry, I never see him laugh, he’s just like a robot no matter how heated the situation he’s always showing less emotions. If it suit you well then good for you. I once tried to be stoic just like my father, I’m not as good as him, in fact I’m not the same as him. I’m a sensitive man; I can empathize with another human being’s suffering, and I’m in touch with my feelings. I easily cry when I see others hurt.
Personally, I been there. I used all methods I mention above, I vent with humor hoping someone will care, I cope with romanticizing the characters to feel better. No judgement from me. Start talking!
Solutions?
We can get rid this stigma if all men just start talking and not getting judged for it. One day, one day. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible neither. Here’s better alternatives for coping mechanism:
- Write a journal or diary
I did it myself, pouring your soul and cry into it can give you some sort of record. You will realize how much you changed. Let the book become your best friend, your ally, your listener, your own consigliere. Write down every detail of events even the smallest happiness like eating your favorite food.
- Pray
Don’t underestimate praying. You can find peace even in the smallest pieces.
- Sports and exercise
This one is physical. Instead of hurting yourself unnecessary without benefit. What about hurting yourself with benefit? Personally I love the idea of working out and combat sports as a cope. I like fighting as a cope, some men do find peace in war. If you are not into combat sport, there is always another exciting adrenaline-fueled sport like surfing. I mean when someone addicted to self-harm, it’s because of the adrenaline injection.
The main solution is already stated, men should start talking!
Conclusion
Damn the stigma.
