Nostalgia for a memory that never occurred
I was all ready to spend the evening in a taproom with a group of complete strangers who shared the same passion for a particular podcaster when an unforeseen venue change led me to a moment of reflection.
Feeling my heart drop with each step as I made my way on the beach in my treasured sneakers (Jordans) — the brilliance of the moment struck me a short while after I met the group and we eased into conversation.
The eclectic group that had gathered there was interesting and I even ran into someone familiar with whom I had never interacted before.
But while all of it was happening, I felt constantly drawn to the sound of the waves lapping upon each other behind, the coolness the breeze brought amidst the heat of the summer. There were also a couple of street dogs that went on barking at random people, chasing and startling them.
The sky was a canvas of marmalade and violet shades blending into a deep, worn blue. The moon stood out, bright and majestic, seemingly unaware of its impact on the world’s seas and oceans.
As I stood there lost in the beauty of the moment, I felt something that could not be defined as deja vu — but rather a nostalgia
The meaning of nostalgia is — a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time or the homesickness experienced by mercenaries fighting far from home
But it was the first time I had been to that place, with those people witnessing the moment, so why did I feel nostalgia?
What stood out starkly in the moment was the temporary loss of any anxiousness about existence or any traces of loneliness. It was like the warmth one feels while running into a long-lost friend at a completely random place and there is recognition, reminiscence, and love
When I checked online, there is a term for this as well — Anemoia
So what I experienced was not the feeling of nostalgia for my own past but from a piece I may have read or seen which I associated with solace and home at that time.
Now that I think about it, the ease and peace that I felt at the moment is something that I associate with the definition of home.
So a home is not a physical structure but a place in time and space where the mind can finally be at ease and stop running, where one can let their guard down and just be free, that moment of freedom is home — or the home away from home.
