Perhaps what you lack the most is the ability to talk nonsense to children
The biggest trap in parent-child communication is that parents only say “useful” words to their children.
Only when a child’s “nonsense” is heard and responded to can the parent-child relationship become more harmonious.
On weekends, my son’s friends come to play at home.
Is there anything more noisy than three children aged six or seven gathered together?
Besides pouring water and delivering fruits, I try to avoid appearing in front of them as much as possible, otherwise I will be caught and respond to their various questions.
But actually, I really like these kids who talk a lot of nonsense.
They like to ask “why” and have a strong curiosity.
Capable of describing one’s own questions, expressing one’s own thoughts, and possessing strong expressive abilities.
He has always been happy and has no sense of alienation from me. He has a strong sense of happiness.
A child who talks a lot of nonsense must be a treasure.
A psychological study shows that if more than 90% of what a person says is nonsense, they are more likely to feel happy.
If the amount of nonsense is less than 50%, this person will not easily experience the feeling of happiness.
Observing these children again, they have a very good parent-child relationship with their parents.
No one’s family would have so many important matters to talk about every day,
Talking nonsense and chatting together is the most daily communication content. A parent-child relationship that can casually talk nonsense is the most comfortable.
The Massachusetts Institute of Technology, along with Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania, formed a research group to study over 30 children aged 4–6 in the Boston area.
They found that:
Regardless of family income and parental education level, the higher the frequency of conversations between children and their parents, the stronger the activity of language related areas in their brains.
The level of brain activity is strongly correlated with the number of conversation rotations.
Children who talk more to their parents also achieve better scores in subsequent standardized tests.
Parents talk nonsense to their children, which helps them relax and not only express their true thoughts and feelings, but also enables education to achieve effects that cannot be achieved simply by preaching big truths.
Talking nonsense to children is not that difficult.
1. Don’t be afraid that the child won’t understand, try to speak and chat as much as possible
A study conducted by the University of California in the United States showed that even when a child is still young and lacks language ability, parents can improve their child’s language ability by unilaterally speaking to them.
That is to say, from the moment a child is born, it is possible to consciously talk to them more and ensure sufficient communication time.
When the child grows up, it is important to pay attention to two-way communication and encourage them to speak more.
2. Speak in a way that children enjoy
Q: How was your child doing at school today?
That can translate the question into: “Tell me about today’s fun and funny things~”
The problems that arise during a child’s growth, if they want to reason, the reasoning can also be disguised.
Share a friend’s story:
A friend accidentally discovered that there were many “little love letters” hidden in his son’s pants.
My son is only in fifth grade of elementary school — “early love”. My friend was naturally shocked, but he casually put his pants back in place and pretended not to know about it.
Then he asked his son to play play badminton. After playing, he started chatting with his son and shared his experience of puppy love with him.
He said he fell in love with a girl since he was very young, but because he didn’t have the ability at that time, he secretly kept this relationship in his heart.
It wasn’t until I was admitted to a good university and had a plan for the future that I started dating and getting married and having children, and became responsible for the girl.
From beginning to end, the father didn’t mention a word about the love letter in his son’s pocket, but cleverly gave him advice on how to handle it.
The next day, those love letters really didn’t appear.
By chatting with children and sharing their experiences, it is a key to opening their hearts.
Because children cannot listen to rigid commands or suggestions, stories can guide them well and point them in the right direction.
3. patiently listen to the child’s nonsense
In fact, there is also a lot of real information or ideas in children’s nonsense.
As long as the child is willing to talk to you, you should listen carefully and not interrupt halfway.
“Mom, a classmate was criticized again today…”
What happened? Is it serious? How did the teacher handle this matter?
“His father was called to school today…”
Adults can use the power of “eating melons” to steadily grasp and make conversations incredibly smooth.
Your willingness to listen and interest in his words are prerequisites for the child to continue communicating with you.
Once communication is interrupted or you see that you don’t care, he won’t say anything next time.
4. Don’t ignore your child’s feelings and keep criticizing and blaming them
Harvard, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and Stanford University are vying for the superstar Steve Jobs, who also loved playing video games when he was a child.
But his father thinks it’s better to let his child view electronic games in a different way than to ban them.
So he tried to make himself and his child playmates.
When a child starts complaining about the poor gaming experience, he tells them:
Electronic games are a type of computer program, which is composed of instructions that tell the computer what to do;
When people are writing programs, sometimes they are not very thoughtful, so there may be things that are not fun or right
At first, the child didn’t seem to have any reaction and continued to complain.
Later, the child complained about the poor gaming experience.
He said, “Writing computer programs is not difficult. If you are interested in it in the future, you can write it yourself and create games according to your own ideas. Perhaps you will do it better than others.”
Although the child didn’t have any special reactions at that time, their complaints gradually decreased.
After entering middle school, the child did indeed start quietly trying to write simple programming.
If at the beginning, Dad said, “What kind of game are you playing? It’s too much of a delay in learning…”, then there wouldn’t be as many stories to follow.
5. Learn heuristic chatting
There is a way of chatting called “Haiwota”.
Havruta means working in pairs to study and learn a certain question through questioning, answering, dialogue, and discussion.
This method is commonly used in family education to chat with children, which can make the conversation rich and allow children to exercise their thinking and expression abilities in the back and forth conversations.
By asking open-ended questions such as “why” and “how”, children can start to think independently and ultimately learn how to solve problems.
The child said, “I don’t want to be friends with a certain classmate anymore!”
You can heuristically ask: Why do you have this idea?
What happened between you two?
Is this an irreconcilable contradiction?
How do you think it would be better to handle it?
When we get used to this way of chatting with children, their expression ability will be greatly enhanced.
Speaking can also be very logical, which is helpful for children’s thinking patterns and problem-solving abilities.
There are many things in life that can be said but not said.
Not to mention, it won’t have much impact on life.
But once you get used to not speaking, the habit of expressing yourself is hidden, and the important content that needs to be expressed cannot be expressed.
Please treat your child’s nonsense well, and also improve your ability to talk nonsense to your child.
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