Simple Step Toward a More Authentic Self
I was so angry at myself.
It was simply surreal how many times I disrespected myself by doing things I simply did not want to, all because I could not handle my inner child traumas and continued seeking external approval — as if this was the solution to my problems.
My lack of awareness of the fact that external approval was something I could not control led me to behave in a way that just resulted in me getting more and more disconnected from my inner self and being less and less authentic.
One day, whilst meditating and trying to calm down my thoughts some questions came to mind:
What if I could effectively start working toward connecting with myself?
What does that look like?
I had no answers to this but I knew 2 things:
- I know majority of the things I don’t like
- If I don’t know what I don’t like, I know that if I try to be more present in my actions I will eventually find out
I frantically started taking note of everything and anything that I did not like/was annoyed by/was bothered by.
I started paying close attention to every moment I spent with myself.
And then I started a new habit.
Every time I disliked something, I would note it down in a notion document I came up with called:
Things that bother me
This doc contains a simple table:
I started noting down every.single.time I felt uncomfortable/did not like something.
I would give the item a priority based on the amount of discomfort/how much I disliked something.
High discomfort = High Priority to solve
And this is what I have done since coming up with this table.
Slowly but surely, I have been resolving anything that is in my control that bothers me so I feel more like me, less unauthentic and disconnected to myself.
Being intentional about how I live my life and being present in it has been such a priority to me since burning out as I could clearly see so many positives results from it.
Each step taken with intentionality brought me closer to a life lived authentically, free from the burdens of self-doubt and disconnection.
Thank you for reading.
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