Therapy is Glamorized in the Media, The Reality is Harder
How therapy is different in real life compared to the movies
On my walk the other day, I ran into this old lady walking her dog and we got to talking. I could tell she was a bit lonely and I like old ladies because they tend to have a lot of fun stories about the old days.
This particular old lady had no inhibitions with her stories. She started talking about her mother being a Holocaust survivor, her sexual assault in her youth, and her subsequent downward spiral and trauma. It was a very eye-opening first meeting.
One thing that she said to me that I found particularly interesting was:
And after I was assaulted, I went crazy for a while. And of course I couldn’t go to therapy because that wasn’t something people did at the time.
I think people today forget how lucky we are that therapy is not longer stigmatized the way it used to be. Someone who goes to therapy is now often commended and praised for trying to improve. I know for some it still holds a stigma, but overall I think it is fair to say that amongst young people it is pretty widely accepted.
It has come a long way from sixty years ago, where if an old lady (I guess young back then) went to therapy, she would automatically be written off as crazy. In fact, now, if someone refuses to go to therapy despite needing it, the stigma has reversed. That person is often the one who is stigmatized for not going even though it is necessary.
Despite the change in attitude towards therapy, I have found that there are still many misconceptions about it, the biggest one I have noticed is the idea of big epiphany moments.
I think this is something that has been perpetuated by television and film, because when watching a story, a big moment is needed for dramatic effect.
The therapist will say something insightful, and all of a sudden the guy on the couch will sit up straight and have a moment where he realizes something about himself that clicks in his brain in a way that never has before. He is newly enlightened and cured of whatever was hidden and troublesome.
But in reality, therapy is not like this. While there are moments of epiphany at times, the truth is that therapy is a much slower and gradual process that requires a lot of work.
Fittingly, it is much more akin to physical therapy than anything else.
When going to physical therapy, there is no magical session where all of a sudden somebody’s hand that doesn’t work magically works again.
Instead, every day that hand has to squeeze a ball. It hurts a lot and takes a lot of effort.
Some days it does not even feel worth it because it doesn’t feel like progress is being made. But even without realizing it at times, the hand as moving a little more and more. Squeezing the ball a little bit tighter with every session. And after many of these sessions, the ball is taken away and the hand is able to make a fist all on its own.
This is what therapy is. A lot of work. Session after session of gradual change. Striving for a goal of getting better, and crawling towards that goal each time. Maybe there are days that go particularly well, and these days could be considered mini-epiphanies. But even those days are not born in a vacuum. Most likely, those days are a result of many other days leading up to them.
It is a result of the cumulative effect of continuing to do the work and not giving up.
So next time you’re watching TV, and there is a man on a laying on a couch who suddenly gets up because something magical clicked, remember that is not reality.
It is the result of a writer who needed a character to change at that moment. It is the result of the need for drama. And it is probably the result of a note from a producer.
