Been reading a lot more, because, clearly it gives me a lot more insight, not just into other’s opinions, but also to extrapolate my own. A problem I’ve always dealt with, was hyper analysis. I had to read people, if that makes sense, and upon living longer, I had to push it to the extreme, constantly. As such, I’ve tried to understand how people work, what they like, what they don’t, who they are, what should I show for them to behave a certain way around me- all with a mere glance, not getting to know em at all. I was almost always right, so I kept going….. Until I reached THAT wall, the unnecessary wall. Or maybe not unnecessary, but definitely an unappealing detour. That is, if you kept living on from there.
You might have this issue too, at least to an extent. Where I use it for manipulation, you use it to secure your spot in the social hierarchy, to make friends, to flow in the trend, to have an opinion, because you don’t. Either way it ends up using the same principle, the same water, if you may. I just swim downstream, you sail upstream.
You hate who you are, or rather, who you’re not. You’re not who you want to be and that hurts, well it should, so you either cope by hating yourself, because that’s done so much to help you, or you “love” yourself, which is sad, because you’re now a narcissist with no real valid reason to like yourself, with this clearly not helping your case of ‘increasing’ your likability. You hate that the person you want to be is adored by the rest, so you wallow in self-pity OR you become public enemy no.1 by being a tyrant to everyone who’s never hurt you, but you “see” that they will, because you’re so good at understanding people. I’ve been there, if anything, I’m in that place where my ‘hunches’ and ‘assumptions’ were right. So, if you think on embarking on this journey, welcome aboard. Word of advice? It doesn’t end well.
People don’t care enough, if they care at all. It’s sad, it’s against who we are designed to be, but it’s the somber truth. The truth that hurts us all, but in a way, usually blind to most, it is good. Don’t get me wrong, we are meant to care, do not harden your heart for a tender heart is the definition of The King of Mercy and Justice, personified as His only Begotten Son, so have a tender heart. But this ‘care’ I am describing to you right now, is that of the opinions people make, or have, of you. At the most they think about something stupid you did, for 2 minutes, tops.
Heck, I have a question for you (2 actually).
“What is the last sad or tragic thing you heard?”
Got an answer? Good, now,
“When did you last think of it?”.
Great,
“How long have you been thinking about it?”
Ninety-nine times out of hundred, unless its something personal, it was a WHILE ago and you DIDN’T think about it for a long time, and it WAS a tragic event, that happened to a stranger, something you are to most people. See what I mean? Most people don’t think about you that deeply at all. But this isn’t because they don’t care, rather, it’s because of something they do, that I think you could use as a principle in your own life, to prioritize your ‘real’ priorities. It’s called tunnel vision. The example prior shows now tunnel vision is something we use as a subconscious element to our psychology, but I’d like to use it as a principle or philosophy that can and, which has dramatically changed the way I want to live.
Before I get to the point of this article, I’d like to inform you, there is no point, there’s three. I think this Philosophy can really de-clutter and help you finally bring a whiteboard onto your life, because you need some-
1) Psychological and Social need for tunnel vision.
Google it, but most of us are victim to the Spotlight Effect. Problem is, we wish they saw the pain we are going through, the problems we face, the real people we so are. The complexity in our character, the diamond in the rough we are, the untapped potential of greatness we have, the Hopeless romantic we are, the noble character we possess.
Yeah, stop flattering yourself (sorry :/).
I had a conversation with a friend, prior to this, I played therapist to many of my friends because a commerce degree will never get me a ‘Dr.’ before my name, but this time, I just needed a break, so I spoke to a friend, regarding the confusion I have in myself.
Why don’t people care, not just for me, but to their own supposed friends, because purely from observation I can see them suffering, but they don’t? Are they oblivious? Then I go on to describe my problems to him, because maybe he has some advice. He didn’t, but he did have something more.
“Three words. In three words, people DESCRIBE you in their heads and MOVE ON.”
This is scary, thinking back, because to an extent, this is very true, they don’t think about you in the dept YOU do of yourself, especially if they’ve never needed a reason to understand people, to read them, and this is understandable, considering they have their lives and that’s enough to deal with already. I’ve heard other’s opinions of me, and I’ve felt disgusted to an extent, because what kind of audacity do they have to get THAT part of me wrong? But the scary part is, how detail lacking their opinion of me was, which was precisely the “three words” my friend mentioned. It doesn’t matter if you’re an existential thinker, you’d just look depressed to others. It doesn’t matter what complexity you possess; they just don’t care enough.
His idea of a solution, is simple. To change those 3 words, that’s all they care about, just do what you like. Seems like generic advice right? It does, but upon careful inspection, it isn’t. It’s not looking at the bright side of things, or looking from a positive light, no. Its-
“Tunnel Vision, Baby!”
Its blotting out the unnecessary, but distracting information. Its liberating. Its living and not requesting to ‘live’, live by another’s ‘approval’. An approval that doesn’t exist, from a people that don’t exist. An approval that supplements your own affinity to reject yourself.
What does “own rejection” mean? Let me address this with a reference to Rule 4 of the book 12 rules for life by Dr. Jordan Peterson. A part where the doctor describes a conversation with yourself, a dialogue, that really struck me. A negotiation with yourself.
That’s why you don’t do what you want yourself to do. You’re a bad employee — but a worse boss. Maybe you need to say to yourself, “OK. I know we haven’t gotten along very well in the past. I’m sorry about that. I’m trying to improve. I’ll probably make some more mistakes along the way, but I’ll try to listen if you object. I’ll try to learn. I noticed, just now, today, that you weren’t really jumping at the opportunity to help when I asked. Is there something I could offer in return for your cooperation? Maybe if you did the dishes, we could go for coffee. You like espresso. How about an espresso — maybe a double shot? Or is there something else you want?” Then you could listen. Maybe you’ll hear a voice inside (maybe it’s even the voice of a long-lost child). Maybe it will reply, “Really? You really want to do something nice for me? You’ll really do it? It’s not a trick?”
This is where you must be careful.
That little voice — that’s the voice of someone once burnt and twice shy. So, you could say, very carefully, “Really. I might not do it very well, and I might not be great company, but I will do something nice for you. I promise.” A little careful kindness goes a long way, and judicious reward is a powerful motivator.
This is self-care. This is tunnel vision, to help yourself, to ask God to help you, and permit yourself to help yourself. This isn’t self-hate, where you look at others “hating” you, and you become your worse critic. Neither is it self-love, where you, again, see what others “hate” and put that on display as something that deserves love, becoming guilty of pride, a cardinal sin, rightfully so.
This is the tunnel vision I was talking about, the tender heart you don’t have, which you need. The tender heart where you don’t pity yourself, but you want to help you, because you’d help any other person if they were in the same situation. (God will help you as in Ezekiel 36:26, if you are humble enough to ask, if this is a real problem because it usually is.)
You’re not getting a ‘new’ mindset, you’re just blinding yourself from things not important, you are getting a tunnel vision.
Now, my friend’s solution was to, play the guitar, be known for that after getting good, to study hard, to do well in presentations, etc. Tunnel vision, basically to look at the right things, because often times, we look at the wrong things.
2) Your productivity and accomplishments rely on tunnel vision.
I just finished reading Deep Work, by Cal Newport. A beautiful little book that really addressed the main problems I had with getting work done. But more importantly helping me understanding the detrimental effects of prioritizing the wrong things in life and how that can single-handedly destroy my attention span, motivation, affinity to discipline myself and my ability to produce honest work. This will be a smaller point. Most progress made by scholars in their research, are credited to their stubbornness to being disconnected, from the noise, the emails and the tweets being constantly made. They who have abandoned that, who’ve never been on there, have almost, always found quality progress in their life.
You should read the book and its case studies to understand how it all actually works, but I can explain it to you in a few words. You’re right, its-
“Tunnel vision, baby.”
Basically, realize that staying on Facebook to keep touch with your surface level friends isn’t worth it, because you’d still have the same level of maturity in your relationship, but for that you trade, hours of time to cultivate a healthy attention span, focus and genuine depth for any work you do. Any real friends would call you on a phone and you’d meet for lunch, the rest is worth of the black (major) part of the tunnel.
The tunnel vision needed to blot out the unnecessary, genuinely helped me ace my presentations which I used to dread, and even use my time wisely, to see some improvements in my grades. Something I thank God for. A point I’m now going to delve into.
3) Your very essence demands that you have tunnel vision, vision aimed at Him.
The gospel, good news, of Christ is one that demands that you focus on Him. This was evident from Genesis as well.
This was us being told to trust in His wisdom and abundance. But we failed, we wanted to rule the world on our own terms and accordingly we were let out, into the chaos. Advancing into the story, we see Peter asking Jesus to command him to walk to him on the water. Peter did, for a while, but then began to drown why? Because He began to look around at everything BUT Jesus.
All this, because Peter didn’t have tunnel vision on Jesus. Instead had his vision set on unimportant things, devastatingly unimportant things.
The entire word of God, God Himself, after careful consideration and discernment eventually falls on one foundation, Him, faith in Him to be exact. Faith is order and the stormy sea is the chaos, where the dragon of death, of chaos resides, the dragon Jesus walked on, the death that Jesus’s life conquered. Funny enough, this is also addressed in the bible.
Everything you are concerned about, entrust, submit, surrender it to Him, for He is trustworthy. You need faith, even the truest, smallest faith, is powerful, if rested upon Him. You need-
“Tunnel vision, baby!”
Not all the millions of words I could ever type out, be articulate enough to express the gravity of tunnel vision you need in Him, to live the way He wants you to be, at times even I don’t understand it. But obviously, that too is addressed.
Tunnel vision, looking into the only things that truly matter, can be multiple, but as its depicted, its mostly blinding yourself to the things that are supposedly unimportant. I advise that you pray for discernment, so that the supposedly unimportant things, are truly unimportant.
Until next time, stay hydrated(?) with a cyber city drink.
Cheers.
