Undo

Vexed

This is what it feels like

Leigh-Ann Steenkamp
Wake. Write. Win.

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A gorge with sheer rock walls and a river
Author Photography: Olifant Gorge

The macabre, gruesome, horrifying and most unsuitable (11)

Scrape-scratch
Rake with your nails
Over my eyeballs
Clawing at the itch

Bloody furrows in my skin
The incessant ringing
In my ears gradual blindness
Scratch-scrape

Raking leaves into little piles
I’ll take your rake
And stuff it up your anus
Turn the handle

Stop irritating me
Thorny little leaves
Trailing over your skin gently
Leaving in its wake a

Severe burning sensation
Rasp grate grind jar
This is what it feels like
I want you to feel it too

Let’s share
The words come slower
And then faster
Then all jumbled-up

Pictures too
Of you in my dreams
What does it all mean?
Enlighten me

I’ll teach you a lesson
The same way
You taught me
Be still

It never goes away
Score mark line
I can’t relax calm down
There are too many guilty

I have to stop this
Tortured screaming in my head
Falsetto Alto
No rhythm nor rhyme

Just a maddening screech
I need quiet
I need to think
He said he won’t

Give me more
Than I can handle
He lied
It is too much

I didn’t choose this
It chose me
Even if everything was perfect
I would still be the same

Preconceived prefigured
Nature or nurture or
I chose and I changed my DNA
Rebooted the cells

Neurolingual pathways fire away
Short-circuits in my brain
Cold sweat cramp
Breathe deeply in and out

With my head on your chest
My hand cradling you
I need them to be quiet now
While I work

Practice makes perfect
Groove gash gouge
I was never into killing
But more into torture

A bloody scene caused by illegal poaching activity at a derelict building
Author Photography: Carnage

Personal Note:

Occasionally I need to peace out and have complete quiet. If someone breathes too loudly next to me, it can send me over the edge. I know now what is appropriate behaviour and what not, how I should act…. I need to balance it all out, otherwise my tenuous grasp on sanity slips. Darkness and solitude is the only thing that keeps it real.

Dumelang bohle!!! African Greetings!!! Please support me so I can continue to do what makes my spirit feel alive and feeds my soul; and that is to express myself through words and photos every day.

Ko-Fi

https://ko-fi.com/leighannsteenkamp

I do not currently qualify for the Medium Partner Program due to country location; South Africa.

A collage compiled to showcase outreach work initiatives in local community
A collage created by the author on Canva: Outreach Work

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Leigh-Ann Steenkamp
Wake. Write. Win.

Author, Photographer. I specialize in Creative Writing and Storytelling with an emphasis on Mental Health, Philosophy, Trauma, Abuse, Psychology and Crime.