Why the Popular Kids Liked Me Even Though I was a Weirdo
My thoughts on high school politics and how it translated into adulthood.
I was a weird kid. This is not self-attributed, it was told to me by almost every kid in my high school. I remember my math teacher even said I was weird (Hi Ms. Calm).
And being a weird kid is pretty divisive. Some people loved it and thought I was hilarious. Others would look at me confused, “What the hell is wrong with this guy?”
One of the most interesting dynamics I found was that a lot of the ‘popular’ kids liked having me around. They thought I was funny and we would make jokes and laugh together. A lot of the popular kids’ friends were not into it at all.
If high school is full of different cliques, and each click had its alpha, I was friends with many alphas but not a part of any cliques. Because while the popular kids might like me, a lot of their friends would not. The friends were confused by me. And they wondered why the popular kid liked the weird kid who didn’t really fit in. It confused me a little bit too.
Looking back, I think part of the reason popular kids liked me was because there was nothing to lose. Social status in high school is much like actual status in the real world. If you are already a billionaire, you are going to be rich for your entire life no matter what, you don’t really have to fear losing it. The same applies for status in high school. If you already have the valuable currency of popularity, you are going to pretty much keep it. Popularity was already had and it would not be challenged whether close to weird kid or not.
High school is a jungle. And there is a social hierarchy where the popular kids are the tigers. Everybody respects and fears the tigers, because if the tiger is impressed, the tiger has the power to anoint you to be a fellow tiger. And yes, I’m aware the metaphor falls apart a little bit. Think of it more like a tiger genie.
Social identity is worth its weight in gold during these teenage years. Everybody wants to be seen, everybody wants to be known. That is why that one kid would only wear Taco Bell merch. Because even if he wasn’t popular, at least everybody would know who he was. He might not even like Taco Bell that much. Maybe he did, maybe he convinced himself he did, or maybe he didn’t. But it didn’t matter because Taco Bell wasn’t what was important. What was important is that he had identity. He was the Taco Bell kid.
This is the real reason that popular kids liked me. Because even if I was weird, at least I was genuine. The weird kid in school wouldn’t be weird if he had a choice. Because in the words of Mean Girls, it would be social suicide. It is better to be normal and fit in and do whatever was considered to be cool. But the weird kid doesn’t know how to do that because he is weird. He doesn’t follow social norms. Not because he is intentionally trying to go against the grain, but because he is not even aware of which way the grains are pointing. The grains are a mystery to him. But ironically, this starts to make him kinda cool. This gives him that identity.
The popular kid is the hot girl at the bar. The popular kid is the YouTuber in Los Angeles with 10 million followers. Paranoid about being surrounded by disingenuous people leaching off his social status. Unsure of who to trust, unsure if the people around him have ulterior motives.
The weird kid can be trusted because there are no ulterior motives.
This weird kid beats his own drum. And while a lot of people don’t understand him, some people do. And I think popular kids do more than others because they know that weird kid is genuine. Because the weird kid has to be genuine, if he was capable of being disingenuous he would stop being weird.
I could also be wrong, maybe the popular kid was hanging out with me ironically and I was the butt of the joke. Anything is possible.
I am still a weird adult. Although I think I would now replace the word ‘weird’ with some form of ‘mildly autistic.’ I have never officially tested myself, but the signs are there. And I don’t really have any intent on testing myself, because the results will either say I am or I am not. Either way it won’t change my life at all and I am fine with who I am either way.
I am able to function pretty well in society, but there are definitely times when I’ll meet somebody new and I’ll get this confused look after I say some bizarre statement.
Is he being serious? Is he making a joke? Is he making fun of me? Is it okay to laugh? Am I laughing at him? Am I in on the joke or am I the butt of the joke? Is there a joke at all?
It’s very fun to watch because a lot of the time I am not even sure I know the answer.
Weirdly enough, I have a weird relationship with my experience as being weird.
I think most people would expect that I had a miserable high school experience, but I don’t really think I knew how strange I was back then. Yes, people told me I was weird all the time, but I thought that was just something people said to each other. I didn’t realize that I heard it a lot because I was me.
As I have grown older, it has become a part of me in a more active way. A more embraced way.
If high school is all about trying to fit in, I think adulthood has a lot more to do with embracing what makes you different. I often think of this redheaded girl I met who told me she was teased as a kid for her bright red hair and freckles, but now the freckles are deemed beautiful by so many.
Of course there are days when I wish it was different. Sometimes I see a very charismatic guy and will be floored. I find myself jealous of the way he can navigate the room and have both men and women charmed by him. I have fantasies of being able to do that, to go through life and not have people look back at me with confusion.
And I know I could do it if I really wanted. Put on a front, be a little fake. But people would probably smell it on me. They would know I was acting, putting on a front, being disingenuous. That’s something the popular kids taught me. You can always smell when someone is being fake.
And honestly, while I do envy that natural charisma, it also looks exhausting. Being nice and charming to everybody. In a way, I feel like they always have to be ‘on.’ Always have to engage and make people feel good about themselves. Even if the person is a big jerk, you still smile and engage them. I don’t want to be stuck talking to these jerks.
Luckily, usually these jerks avoid the weird guy. It is one of the big perks.
