What does “Working for Money” mean to you?
Of course, it’s a fundamental ability to earn money for living as an adult.
But I always feel a lot of depression and anxiety before I am preparing for the work or applying for a job. If I can’t defeat the fear, then I might not be able to live.
Why do all these thoughts happen? And what can I do to struggle out from the swirl?
How do you define the things or people that you dislike?
Have you ever been required to do something that makes you uncomfortable, like you are losing your freedom or are violated?
To me, I felt that when I worked with others. The comments from the managers, the conversations with colleagues, the administrative paper works, or a variety of requests from others made me feel like I was weaker and in a lower situation than the others. I needed to pay attention to what I was supposed to or not to say, what if my words hurt others, or what if I couldn’t reach others’ expectations.
I treated all the things and people I don’t feel comfortable with as threats.
Working for money connects to the threats automatically, and thus, it has done a terrible impact on my physical and psychological health. Of course, as you know I can’t live without money, earning money has become a nightmare for me.
What did I decide to do to reverse the situation?
well, as every single person was designed by a particular purpose, I am unique, too. I have my own power to decide when and whether I want to provide my service or not. And for whom that benefits from my service should pay me for the effort.
I started to talk to myself like this. And I found there was something happening inside my mind, which also relieved me from anxiety evidently.
■ I am getting stronger.
I no longer feel that I would be hurt or I would hurt others because I am just doing my work and I don’t bother others. I can set up a boundary which is my comfort zone for interacting with people and working. I will not pass the boundary, for that would cost me more labor force or energy and yet I can’t get the corresponding rewards.
■ Everyone is special. But no one is special, too.
Although my title is not a manager or something like I am qualified to lead a team or to make an important decision, I am as important as the manager.
So, here I said everyone is special means we all have our unique gift or talent. And when I said no one is special means that you are not privileged than others whatever your title or position is. A boss, CEO, or manager, is only a human being as each of us.
■ I feel like working is giving.
As we all have our special abilities, working is like giving love to others for they may lack something and feel hopeless if you don’t provide your talent for them. This new definition makes working more meaningful, not only for money anymore.
■ Money becomes not so crucial for me.
Money is the reward that I supposed to have. In other words, money is supposed to belong to me but it depends on how much I want to take away.
How much money to earn for my living is not as important as what kind of life I want to live. I’ve started to lead a quality life. The free time for myself to feel the love inside me, or volunteer to do something for others because of love, is more precious and valued than money.
As I narrated “working for money” from a new angle, the whole anxiety thing has been weaker and weaker. And I know I am brave now, I am more powerful to speak out and ask “money for my service”.
