To Be or Not to Be: Why You’re Already Ready to Be Who You Want to Be
“Be — don’t try to become” ― Osho
You’re made of an infinite amount of possibilities.
There are 7.8 billion people on the Earth right now (maybe even more by the time you’re reading this) — each completely individual, with multiple personalities and a history of characters under their belt. If that’s not reason to know you can be anyone you want to be, I don’t know what is.
But, even with that knowledge the big question still stands. How do you grow into the person you want to be? I’ve condensed it into three steps.
Step 1: Check your intentions
Are your intentions good?
Sometimes, we can think we desperately want something, only to find ourselves no better off once we have it. Most of the time, this will come from superficial wants or wants driven by other people’s ideals — which aren’t a bad thing. It’s completely natural for us to want to fit in with society’s values. But, double checking that you’re working for something you truly want to manifest is a good way to ensure you’re spending your time and energy right.
Additionally, you might find it difficult to obtain your wants if your reasoning comes from an outside source and your heart isn’t 110% in it. This can leave you feeling tired and defeated, so truly evaluating your intentions is well worth doing. Which leads me onto my next point…
Rock solid why-power
The first step to reaching anything is to have an intention to. So, especially in something as big as changing your character, it’s important to make sure you have strong reasoning behind your decision. It’ll keep you on the right track.
I’ve spoken about “why-power” a few times before and it’s a phrase that seems to be encapsulating the internet as of late. So, I’ll keep the explanation short.
If you need to get something done, you’ll need to rely on one of two powers. One, your will-power. Or two, your why-power. Your will-power can be thought of much like a battery. It’s energy is finite and short-lived. The more you use it, the quicker it drains. Your why-power, however, is a downhill rolling snowball. The further you go, the more it grows and hardens. The closer you get to your goal, the more inspired you become and the more energy and enthusiasm you have to put into your project.
Step 2: Keep these things fresh in your mind
Remember that it’s a process
You won’t change overnight. Sure, some changes might come quicker than you expect, but don’t think you’ll wake up tomorrow a completely different person. Change is slow. Challenging and changing ingrained habits and mindsets can be a long, tedious process. Making sure you’ve dug down to the roots will benefit you greatly in the long run.
And you’ll mess up. You’ll do things that go against your best intentions, you’ll fall back into old habits. That’s expected and usually a good reminder of why you’re doing everything in the first place, so don’t lose your motivation when it happens. Pick yourself up and try again.
Last, remember that this is a journey, with no solid destination. Your wants will change and as you evolve, you’ll set yourself new goals. Remember to appreciate how far you’ve come and make your overarching goal to simply be a little bit better than yesterday.
You’re completely capable
Humans are SO adaptable. You’re full of an infinite amount of possibilities. Just consider how different you are to the person opposite you on the train, your closest relative or even yourself a week ago! Change is a scary prospect, but you have all the ingredients inside you ready to become whoever you want to be.
It’s okay to change your mind
I’ll say it again. It’s okay to change your mind. In fact, it’s exactly the point. Trial and error is much the fun of life — wouldn’t it be boring to have figured everything out? Don’t think for a second that anything you’ve done is a waste, you’ll walk away from every experience having learned something, even if it’s merely the knowledge that you don’t like that path.
Change your mind every second of every day. Okay, that might be a little much. But give everything a chance. And walk away when you need to.
It doesn’t matter what other people think (but sometimes they have good ideas)
Yep, we’re going there, just in case someone needs to hear it. Other people’s opinions, whilst valid and worth considering, should never overrule your own. Listen for insights, absorb helpful knowledge, use other’s opinions to develop your own. But follow your own desires. At the end of the day, it’s you that will end up living as you.
And know that not everyone is going to get it. When I told my parents I was quitting my job to become a writer full-time, they didn’t take to the idea quite as quickly or excitedly as I did. But, by allowing them to ask questions and air their concerns, they quickly came round and I got some good suggestions and thoughts out of it too.
Wanting to change starts with loving the present
If you change out of unhappiness with your current position, you might end up tainting your “new you” as well. As we mentioned with intentions, having the intention to simply run away from who you are now isn’t a solid foundation for true change and won’t hold up in the long run. Deal with the now, then move on. I’ll talk more about further on, but therapy can be a great option for this.
Step 3: Start being
Practice being conscious
Depending on what you’re changing, you might be facing some deeply embedded habits and mindsets. This isn’t an impossible job (there aren’t impossible jobs here), but it will require a lot of concentration and awareness. Learning to be conscious, by asking yourself questions, paying attention and being present in every moment will help you unearth and better those deeply rooted habits, that might not otherwise be noticeable.
Be clear on what it is you want
Having clear intentions and knowing what it is that you want will give you a firm footing for moving forward everyday. It’ll help you better navigate roadblocks and make sure you’re always heading in the right direction. Learning to pause and ask “does this move me closer or further from who I want to be?” will be your biggest helper.
I suggest writing your intentions down, in as much detail as possible. Of course, they’ll change (and like we’ve said, that’s okay). But having your wants and thoughts in front of you not only gives you a physical reminder, and something to refer back to, but it also gives you a chance to step back and look at everything objectively, on paper.
Surround yourself with the right stuff
You’ll need inspiration, and a lot of it. Regrowing yourself, retraining your ideals and building something from scratch is hard work. By giving yourself the right resources, whether that be role models, support systems or simply just the right resources, will give you the best shot at hitting your goal.
Some changes are really big and you might need outside help. If you struggle with any mental health issues, therapy is going to be a fantastic help for you. But even if you don’t, having professional, third-party advice can be a great source of unbiased, new insights and advice. Therapy is a great investment for anyone.
Ask others for help
Likewise, the people around you are a great asset. Surround yourself with people who inspire you. You’re the average of the five people closest to you, is the saying, so make sure those people are five that will help you reach your destination. And this can include role models, motivational speakers, characters, the lot.
Share your thoughts and ask questions. You’ll be surprised at the insights you can get from conversations.
You can also ask your friends and family to help you stay in check. With other people watching your back, you’ll be less likely to stray from your path. Change, especially of character, can be confusing. So making sure you have people there to help you will be a massive support when you get lost, or need a reminder of who you are and how far you’ve come.
Now, go for it
The biggest issue I see holding people back from starting is just… starting. You don’t need permission to start. You don’t need a sign. You won’t ever feel ‘ready’. You have everything you need to get started. So, last but not least, I ask you to start acting as if you already are everything you want to be. You have all the ingredients inside of you, it’s just a matter of deciding which way to head and taking the first step.
