DEAR ME SERIES: Letters to Our Younger Selves

Letter 1 by Esther Nabaggala

Dear younger Esther,

You have always been a dreamer from as far back as I can remember. When you were a little girl, your main motivation for growing up was so that you could wear pleated skirts like the one mama had. Oh, how you loved those skirts! I vividly remember you, as you stared into space, thinking how beautiful you would look in them. Isn’t it funny that you still have an insatiable love for pleated clothes? Even now that you are a woman and all grown up, you simply can’t resist them!

Somehow everything that mama did always inspired you. Her love for God was beyond your understanding. I remember the time when you and your siblings picked up a habit of pretending to smoke cigarettes but using rolled-up paper. It went on for a few days until one morning when you went to greet mama and she said that in a dream, God had told her what you were doing. That really terrified you! You wondered what sort of mother you had but, sure enough, you never did it again. Up to date, you still wonder if God really spoke to her or had she found out another way?

Mama was a strong woman who went for what she wanted and she never ever stopped until she got it. She used to tell you that women don’t fight, well, not physically. You were still a little girl but it is something that you have never forgotten. You have had so many opportunities to get into fights but you have always responded the same way saying, “I would have fought but my mama told me women don’t fight.” You were sneered at and called weak but you never paid mind to those comments. You knew you never had to fight to prove a point to anyone. But those people didn’t know one thing, that you have always been a strong woman. You have an inner strength that even you can’t fathom. It’s like an inner force, made of steel and iron, that won’t be broken by anything or anyone.

Much as you never engaged in physical fights, you have won emotional battles that could probably earn you a medal on hero’s days. You, my darling, will go for what you want and, just like your mother, stop at nothing until you get it. You have amazed yourself at the things that you have been able to accomplish, however hard they seemed at first.

You have fought your way from one level of your life to another. Those who never knew you have stared at you in amazement, speechless as you emerged from battles that they thought would be the end of you. Your family has come to learn that when you say you are going to do something, you always achieve do it! Truth is you are never seeking their opinion; you are simply informing them and they know that it doesn’t matter how long it takes you, eventually you will overcome.

But of late I have watched that fire slowly die as you stared on, seemingly helpless. You seem to be afraid of something which is weird because you never are terrified. It seems your courage is being eaten up by a gnawing worm and you have no idea what to do. You have harboured grand and brilliant ideas and talked your own self out of them. You seem scared of your own strength, potential and talent.

And yet, all is not lost. I know that although you are hiding out, for now, you will surely strike again. You are a fighter and you always fight to win. That little girl that always dreamed never grew up after all and you will soar high up. The sky has never been the limit; that is a fact that you have held onto and guess what? I believe you.

Esther Nabaggala