Loneliness Is A Friend
Our Time Together.
I remember a lot of moments in which I felt loneliness slowly come closer to me.
One was a few months ago, when my brother told me, after his girlfriend’s funeral: ‘It’s not that I miss a woman by my side, it’s about feeling lonely. It’s different when someone is away or has never come into your life. You are lonely if someone goes away.’
Another glimpse, years ago, was when a colleague told me she survived the entire winter just reading a catalogue of furniture, and planning to buy it and decorate her imaginary new house, which she couldn’t afford.
And then I see me in my thirties, single and free, and with a job I liked. I used to work until late in the evening, and after the last cheerful lesson with my students, I drove home. Those twenty minutes pulled me in a dark world where I felt desperately alone, thinking I could disappear without leaving any sign behind me. It was a deep feeling of anxiety and emptiness, a need to live in a warm home with someone around. In the morning, I used to switch on the television, and talk to it. I talked to myself in the mirror. Still, I had a social life and some friends.
Some time later, I had the same sensation every evening when I arrived by train at the little station of my village, a 20 minutes’ walk home enough to realize how lonely I was, trying to think about the food I would cook, about my warm pyjama.
Or the worst memory of all, my mother in her death bed, listening to the radio and saying: “It keeps me company”.
We have all experienced loneliness; I think it is mainly a lack of any kind of love, given and received. We all need to share our life with a person, an animal, to nourish our passion for arts, music, to fill our soul with emotions. Loneliness shows the missing contact between us and the rest of the world.
Even if many of us do not experience love in their life, we all have loneliness by our side: when the right time comes, it appears, reminding us about our primary needs as human beings, and after all helping us in understanding who we are.
A friend, actually.