Cyborg House
by Haley Florence
“She is waking up.”
I hear voices in the distance. Slowly I begin to focus, grasping onto them so they can pull me back. I start to feel the weight of my body. I breathe in and out as I listen to the people speaking around me.
“The operation was a success. There was severe damage to the spine, but with our help she will be walking in no time.” Walking? The word sounded like a dream of possibilities. Of running again, dancing, jumping, moving to switch on the lights. As I slowly escape the effects from the anesthesia, vague memories of the past begin to focus.
“How would you like to walk again Henrietta?” I have kept my focus on those eight words for the past year. It has taken that long to get here, to this miracle many thought impossible. “We can help you. We have been watching you. You are who we need to make this dream possible. Let us help you.” I felt important for the first time in two years.
“Henrietta, can you hear me? This is Dr. Carter. If you can hear me nod your head.” I slowly move my head up and down pushing through the heavy affects I feel from the drugs. My eyes force open, pushing past the heaviness of sleep. “There she is.” I focus on his smiling face. “How are you feeling?” I smile; my mind has yet to tell my mouth to speak words. “Take your time; the effects of the medicine will wear off soon.” Ignoring him I push myself up into a sitting position. My mind is still dizzy; I push past it and reach for my legs. I want to feel them, to see if I can feel them. I stop just above them, staring at them I will myself to relax. “Go on Etta, touch them.” I look into the eyes of Dr. Carter and give a quiet laugh. I look over at the nurse.
“Go on honey. Feel them.” She grabs my hand and places it on my leg. Moving my hand back and forth I start to cry. I can feel it. The touch of my hand on my leg. I never thought something as simple as running my hand along my leg could mean so much, but as I start to smother my legs with my hands I can no longer control my tears.
“I can feel them.” My voice cracks as I speak. I start to push myself from the hospital bed I am lying in, my only goal to feel the cold floor beneath my feet and to finally face those around me at eye level. The nurse reaches for my arms, steadying me as I start to stand.
“Careful, you don’t want to rush this, the parts we implanted are still adjusting.” I look at Dr. Carter. He has a small screen in one of his hand, the other sliding across it as he looks at me. I put my feet on the ground and shiver happily. I can feel the cold floor, it starts at my feet and climbs up my body. Goosebumps cover my legs and reach my arms, I can’t help but laugh again. I take my hands off the bed and stand on my own for the first time in three years.
“It feels incredible.” I laugh, my smile reaching both my ears. I look down at my legs again. I gaze at them in awe as I start to move one forward. The movement seems so foreign to me even though I did it for fifteen years before my accident. I inch forward slowly, my legs sliding across the cool tile. I glance up again at Dr. Carter and the nurse. They are both smiling at me. Tears are running down my face as I look at them.
“Why don’t you take a look at our work, Etta?” Dr. Carter says to me, pulling out a floor length mirror that was pushed in the corner. Confused I stand before it, almost afraid to turn around. “Don’t be scared.” He grabs my shoulders and turns my body. Collecting my bravery, I turn my head and look up and down the length of the mirror.
“What…” Through the ties of my hospital gown I see a line of silver, following the curves of my back dipping down below my waist and raising to the base of my skull. I reach behind my back to touch it. The metal is cold, it dips in and out of my back, the same way my old spine had done. I run my fingers as far up and down as my arm will allow. My breathing is the only thing I hear as I explore this new part of myself.
“Don’t be afraid, you are still human,” he says with a laugh, “just not all of you.” Dr. Carter turns away from me, focused on the screen in his hands again, but I can’t laugh at his joke. Fear creeps into my core as I realize what I have become.
***
“Come on Etta! Pick up your pace and don’t slow down. Your legs are working just fine now. Steady rhythm, breathe in and out.” I keep my focus on my distance, trying to ignore the pounding in my head as I listen to Dr. Payne bark orders. A week after my surgery, I was finally deemed ready to go into physical therapy. I breathe in and out, pushing my legs back and forth. I don’t know if it is just because I haven’t used them for three years, but my legs feel stronger somehow, faster, longer, durable. I have been running for five miles and am only now getting tired, my headache the only sign of strain so far. “Push it! Just one more lap!” I ignore the pounding in my head and focus on the beat of my feet hitting the treadmill. Thump. Thump. Thump. I exhale on each beat and push through my bodies resistance until the last second.
“Very nice, you can slow down now.” He clicks the speed on the treadmill and starts to lower it, my legs slowing with each step. I feel sweat dripping from my forehead; I place my hands on my hips and start to steady my breathing, my heart rate slowing. “You are improving your speed and distance every day. The best I have seen yet.” Voices suddenly enter the room and I look towards the door of the training room. A group of teenagers, probably around my age, enters the room. I have been isolated since my operation and seeing this many people at one time makes my heart pick up pace again.
“Hey coach, long time no see.” A boy speaks out. I look at him, the first thing I notice is the silver leg he is walking on. I look away before he sees me looking at it. My gaze shifts to the girl next to him, a silver arm rests at her side. I look at each one of them, forcing myself not to stare at the silver attachment they all carry on their body somewhere.
“How many times do I have to tell you William, my name is Dr. Payne. I am not your coach.” The boy called William looks at me for the first time. His gaze sliding over my body, at first I think he might be checking me out and I straighten my body, but I soon realize he is looking for a flash of silver after confusion is evident on his brow. I stiffen under his observation.
“Whatever you say, coach. Is this a newbie? It doesn’t look like she’s been worked on yet.” My eyes meet with his as he speaks. Not wanting to glance away to show any weakness I glare at him.
“This is Henrietta everyone. She will start training with you after today. And do try to be a little respectful William. Her recovery is going to take a lot longer than any of yours.” Grabbing my arm, Dr. Payne leads me from the room. “You can meet everyone properly at dinner Henrietta. We need to finish a couple more tests.” As I am herded past the group of kids I make eye contact with two girls, immediately I can tell they are sisters, identical twins are hard not to notice. They both smile at me and I smile back feeling relief; maybe this won’t be so bad. However, I meet eyes with the boy named William again and I feel my nerves come back; he glares at me as I leave the room and I pray I can get through this. I have to force myself not to touch my hair, to make sure still covers my neck, not offering any view of what lies under it.
“I’ll pass you off to Dr. Carter now to get your bloodwork done for the day.” Dr. Payne leads me away from the training room. I am shepherd into Dr. Carter’s office and as he begins stick me with needles and make notes on his little screen he is always carrying, my focus returns to my headache. I got distracted from it for a moment, but I realize the pain hasn’t gone away.
“Etta did you hear me?” Dr. Carter has his hand on my knee.
“Sorry, what?” I focus on him again. He shakes his head and writes something on his screen again.
“I said have you been feeling alright? Has there been any pain in your back? The replacement spine hasn’t been causing any uncomfortable feeling?”
“No, not at all. It’s great; I actually don’t even feel it. I have been getting headaches though. Is that normal?” He brushes that aside.
“Of course it is. You are re-adapting to your legs. It is going to take some time. But, I will add to your list of medications.”
“More medicine? Don’t you think I am taking enough? I haven’t even heard of half of them.” Ignoring me he continues to type away at the screen.
“These medicines are helping you transition from your paralyzed state to this. You need them, trust me.” I look at him as he reviews the screen. I place my hands to my forehead and start to rub my temples in a circular motion. I have the sudden urge to cry, but force it away. My emotions have been crazy ever since the operation. Trying to get a grasp on them has been almost impossible. “We are done Etta. The nurse outside of the room will take you to the lunch hall for dinner. You can finally meet everyone else.” I hop down from the exam table and leave the room.
“You ready?” The nurse leads me from the room. I take stock of everything I pass. The only rooms I have seen so far are the training room, Dr. Carter’s office, and my hospital room. We turn right and walk down a hallway, doors run down each side. “This is where you will be staying now that you have neared the end of your first transition of recovery. You will share a room with a couple of the other girls.” I smile at her as we continue down the hall. I hope in the back of my mind that it will be one of the two who smiled at me earlier. “And here we are. I’ll leave you now. The other kids will fill you in on how we do things around here.” She leaves me standing alone and I face the lunch hall doors. Taking one more breath for bravery I enter the room.
The doors swing open as I enter the room. Any previous conversations stopped as everyone looked at me. The room wasn’t actually that big. Half of the kids I had seen earlier sat at a table. Everyone was looking at me except for one person, his back facing me. One of the girls from earlier leaps from the table heading towards me.
“Henrietta, I am so glad I finally get to meet you.” She reaches her hand towards me, before I think about what I am doing I stretch out my arm for her own. I jump as I am shocked by the cold metal that greets me. “My name is Olive. Come on, everyone is dying to meet you.” She leads me to the table and stops at the head.
“Everyone this is Henrietta, that’s Steven, Charlie, Collins, Julie, who is my sister, and of course you know Will.” I glance around the table and smile at everyone. They all look happy to meet me, but Will is looking at his food. “Grab a seat.” I notice that the only vacant one is across from Will. I walk over and sit.
“Please call me Etta.” I say quickly.
“So,” Will glances up at me as I sit. “Where is your new piece cyborg?” I jump at the last word.
“Will, come on you know they don’t like us calling it that. Sorry about him Etta, he hasn’t learned manners yet.” Olive reaches for my hand. My body doesn’t react to the cold as I get use to the touch of metal.
“It’s okay.” I say, finally gaining back my courage. I turn my head and lift up the mess of curls that sit on my head. I hear everyone gasp as they see the line of silver running down my neck and underneath my shirt. I feel confident as I rise to meet Will and his intimidation.
“How far down does it go?” I hear someone ask. I turn back and notice it is Julie, Olive’s sister.
“All the way. My whole spine was replaced.” Will is looking at me now, the shock of my confession evident on his face.
“Are you serious? That operation must have taken forever. Most of us just have limbs and the occasional eye, but spine is a first.” Charlie says, leaning towards me. “I’m guessing you were paralyzed before the operation huh?”
“Charlie,” Olive yells, “you can’t ask that you jerk. That’s personal.” But she inclines her head towards me, waiting for me to answer. Everyone looks at me, even Will has ignored his food, more focused on what I might say next.
“Um . . . I was.” I quietly say. “I hadn’t walked, even been able to feel anything below my waist for three years, until a week ago.” I smile at the memory.
“Wow. That must have been amazing. To feel again.” I look up into Wills face. He isn’t smiling at me, but the glare that has been pointed at me since I walked in has left his face.
“It was.” The conversation continues as everyone begins to eat. I listen as everyone talks about home. We are allowed to write and sometimes get to video chat they tell me. I smile as they all share the latest news from home. I relish in it, my only family gone in my accident three years ago.
“So Etta, I think I heard Dr. Carter say you will be rooming with me and Julie. Do you want us to show you your new room?” I look up to Olive. I notice everyone has finished and was cleaning up their place. My food remains untouched in front of me.
“Yes I do. Let’s go.” I push away and grab my plate of food.
“You aren’t going to eat any of that?” I look across at Will. He is standing, arms folded across his chest.
“I’m not hungry.” I grab my plate and discard my unwanted food into the trash. I follow the twins as they lead me down the hallway to my new room. The long hallway of rooms stretches ahead of us and we stop in front of the third door on the left.
“Home sweet home.” Julie says. They show me around the room. Feeling another headache coming I make move towards the door.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom really fast.” I wave to them and rush out of my room. Closing the door behind me I lean against it, breathing in and out.
“They can be a handful, but you’ll get use to them.” I jump away from the door, my hand reaching for my heart.
“Oh my gosh! Give a little warning next time.” I glance over at Will. A smile spreads across his face. “Wow, I think that is the first time I have seen a smile. You better be careful.” His face returns to his normal scowl as he looks at me.
“You better be careful. It’s almost curfew, you don’t want to be found out of your room.” He starts to walk down the hallway.
“Hey wait.” I run up to him. “I’m still trying to find everything. Could you show me where the bathroom is?” Nodding he starts to walk again.
“It can be overwhelming at first. I remember the first week after my operation I ended up in the wrong room more than once.” I glance down at his leg as we walk. He sees me looking at it and shifts uncomfortably.
“Sorry,” I say looking away, “I’m still not use to it. Every time I look in the mirror I can’t help but not look at my back. How do you not jump every time you look in the mirror?” He glances to me as we walk.
“I’m still not used to it and I have been here the longest. Sometimes I wonder if they will ever let me leave. I can’t tell you how many tests they have done on me. Every time they look confused, like they are still looking for something. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“No, I know what you mean. I have met with Dr. Carter three hours every day since my operation. All he ever does is ask questions and write something on that handheld screen. Like he is still waiting for something to happen.”
“Exactly.” I smile at him as he rubs his hand up and down his leg. I doubt he even notices it. Suddenly he stops, turning his body towards mine. “This is going to sound really weird, but just be careful Etta. Some of the kids, they are changed from the operation. Just don’t forget where you come from, what led you here. Write your family as much as possible. They are the only way into reality. Being here secludes us.”
I stare at him. He has moved closer, towering over me. I can’t help but whisper when I speak. “What do you mean changes us?” He glances down the hallway.
“There were more of us, one day they would be fine and the next, completely different people, almost like they were robots. Olive was attacked, she won’t mention it, but about two months ago one of the additions went crazy. Just watch your back okay?” I watch Will as he walks away, his metal leg shining in the florescent lights of the hallway.
The worst part about his words, I wasn’t sure if they were really a warning, or a threat.
***
“How has it been transitioning with the other kids?” Dr. Carter stands before me. I am in my usual spot, sitting on the exam table. I feel a draft and shiver as it reaches the open ties on the back of my hospital gown.
“Good. They are all really nice.” He nods and continues to write on his screen.
“And you are still taking your medication? I don’t have to stress to you how important it is.” He is looking at me now, all focus on my face. “You can’t miss a single day.” I shiver again, though this time not from a draft.
“I haven’t.” I say nervously.
“Be sure it stays that way.” He makes one last note on the screen and waves me to get off the table. “We are done. Head to the training room, everyone’s already there.”
I rush out of the room to change back into my clothes. I turn my head towards the exam room and not paying attention run into something solid. Tripping I fall to the ground before I am able to catch myself.
“You really need to work on where you are walking.” I look up from the ground into the face of none other than Will.
“Maybe you should do a better job at dodging.” He reaches his hand out to me, I grab it and he pulls me up. He suddenly freezes as he strains his neck to look behind me. “What?” I say, “did I land in something?” But I realize he is not looking at something behind me, but at me. He circles me, facing the open ties of the back of the hospital gown. Reaching out he touches the back of my neck, I start to move away from his hand, shy under his gaze, but his arms stops my from moving. I shiver as he traces the metal spine down my back, stopping just above the black shorts I wear under the gown.
“It’s amazing.” He whispers. I don’t have the words to speak as he traces his hand back up towards me neck. I quickly turn away from his hand and his grasp.
“I better go change. I’ll see you in the training room.” I rush away from him back to my room forcing myself not to look behind me. Changing into my workout clothes I make my way towards the training room. Thinking back on my meeting with Will I can’t help but shiver again.
“There you are Etta!” I jump as Olive and Julie rush up to me. “Coach Payne has us running laps. Come on.” I am grabbed by the twins and we run towards the track.
My routine becomes normal as I transition with everyone. Everyone looks forward to Friday, mail-day. They all chat together about what is happening outside Cyborg House. I watch as Julie and Olive laugh together, looking at pictures of their younger brothers.
“What are you thinking about?” I glance up at Will as he sits next to me on the bench.
“Nothing really. How is your family?” I look at the letter in his hands. I only catch a glimpse before he tucks in into his pocket, but I can see wet spots on the paper where the ink was smeared.
“Okay I guess. What about yours? I noticed you have gotten any letters; do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t really have any. That’s all there is to know.” Suddenly a sharp pain enters my head. Wincing I reach my hand to my head.
“Etta, are you okay?” Will leans towards me.
“Sorry. I think I better go lie down.” I rush from the room, but before I make it back a nurse stops me.
“Dr. Carter wants to see you Etta. He is in his office.”
“Can I see him later? I have a headache and was going to lie down.”
“No, now. He is waiting.” The nurse walks off. My shoulders sag as I change my direction and walk towards his office. I knock as I face his door.
“Come in.” I walk into the office; he is sitting at his desk rummaging through a stack of papers. “Etta, I wanted to discuss a new drug with you quickly. Some of the nurses have been telling me you have been complaining more about your headaches.”
“Um… ya I have. But they aren’t that bad. I really don’t think I need more medicine.” I say as I sit down in front of his desk.
“I disagree; we don’t want anyone to experience any pain while going through the recovery it takes after the operation. This is still a new way to operate on disabled persons. We want everything to go smoothly.”
“Sure I guess if you think it is what I need.”
“I do. We will start it immediately.” He writes something down and faces me. “I will have a nurse come by your room tonight and give it to you.” I nod. He dismisses me with a wave and I leave the office. I make the walk back to my room, rubbing my head along the way. I reach my room. Going in I immediately lie on my bed closing my eyes.
“Etta.” My eyes slowly drift open. There is a knock at the door. I slowly rouse from my bed and go to open it. Will stands before it.
“Will? What are you doing here?” He pushes past me into my room. “I’m pretty sure you aren’t allowed in here.”
“What did Carter say? They aren’t giving you anything new are they?” I look at him confused, my mind still trying to catch up with his words.
“How did you know that?”
“You can’t take it. Promise me you won’t.”
“Why wouldn’t I? What is going on?” Before he can answer a nurse walks into the room pushing a metal cart in front of her.
“Will, what are you doing in here?” she asks accusingly. “Get out now, Etta you ready?” I face her, unsure what to do.
“Etta don’t take . . .”
“Will, Dr. Carter will be very disappointed to hear you are acting out again.” The nurse steps towards him. “Out now, or I will tell him and your punishment this time will not be as kind.” I stare at each of them. Before he leaves the room, Will looks at me one last time. He shakes his head as he walks through the door.
Glancing after him, the nurse closes the door. “Are you ready?” She pushes the cart in front of me. Lifting a sheet off the small metal cart I stiffen as she puts medical gloves on her hands. The cart is empty except for a small tray carrying the needle, disinfectant, and what looked like a bottle of yellow liquid.
“My headaches really aren’t that bad. Tell Dr. Carter thank you, but I don’t think I need any more medicine.” She walks towards me, I step away from her and my knees hit the edge of my bed.
“Nonsense. This is going to help you.” She walks toward me and puts her hand on my shoulder, forcing me to sit. Lifting my shirt, she wipes my arm clean, and grabbing the needle pushes it into my arm. I wince as it goes in. “There, that wasn’t so bad.” She smiles as she gathers the cart and leaves the room. “Get some rest.” My eyes slowly start to drift as my body slowly falls to my bed. I watch her walk out of the room, a smile on her face.
***
“So the headaches are gone.” I face Dr. England.
“Yes.” I’m not sure it was a question.
“And you feel better.” He pulls out his handheld screen. I watch as he slides past different pages with his finger.
“Yes.” Finding the page he wants, he stops.
“Good.” Looking at me he begins to type at the screen. Suddenly I feel an urgent need to cry. Tears start to stream down my face. I reach for them, wiping they away before they fall. I try to control myself, but all self-control has left me. I look at Dr. Carter in confusion and I see him smiling. I watch through my tears as he continues typing. My emotion quickly changes as I feel the urge to laugh. I start to laugh as he looks at me. I hic-up as I can no longer control my emotions. “It looks like everything is in order. Why don’t you go to the lunch hall? I believe lunch has already started.” I watch as he closes the screen and suddenly my emotions become normal again. I breathe in and out in confusion. I stand from the chair, wiping the tears from my face.
“What just happened?” I ask accusingly.
“Etta what do you mean? Like I said, everything is in perfect order.” He stands from his desk, ushering me out of the room. I rush past him out into the hallway.
“Etta, I have been looking everywhere for you.” I look up as Will runs towards me. He sees the tears running down my face. “Is everything okay?” I shake my head. He leans toward me grabbing my shoulders. “Etta, please tell me they didn’t give you that shot.”
“Will . . . I . . .”
“William, I thought you might be coming around here. You are too observant for your own good.” Dr. Carter says as he walks out of his office. I cringe away from him into Will’s arms. “Etta. Why don’t you escort our dear William to the basement?” Confused I shake my head.
“The basement? What is going on?” I stare at Dr. Carter.
Frowning he pulls out the screen and quickly flips through the pages. “I said, take him now.” Suddenly my mind fills with anger. I step away from Will and look into his face. As I look at him all I can feel is anger.
“Etta, it’s the medicine. What you are feeling isn’t real!” I glare at him. He starts to back away from me. “Etta, it’s me. Don’t let him control you.” I look at the Dr. Carter. He is smiling, looking at Will.
I grasp at my mind, attempting to create any other emotion, but anger clouds everything else. Pain laces through my head as I attempt to fight whatever is happening to me.
“I said take him Etta.” I look at Dr. Carter, his brow pointed down, all concentration on my face. I look away from him at Will.
The last thing I remember before I lose control is Will’s face as I lunge towards him, fear in his eyes and the hint of pleasure in mine.
