Mind 03

Hi,

With my mind series, I want to include some of my journal entries. I have included a line I use in my morning pages. By releasing this out into the world I want to help raise self awareness by sharing my reflections.

Journal prompt: I have the opportunity to be my future self today when I…

I am honest and remember that I am a faultful human. All things can be worked on. Therefore, I should refrain from crucifying myself for not meeting such an unachievable standard. If this is a journey, I must let go and be okay with not being better instantly. I have recognised it is easier to commit to healthy emotions if you are in an isolated environment, except I have to leave my safe space and participate in society. It is hard to remain authentic to my true self when I have to abide by all societal rules. Of course, I feel suffocated when I am living under this control.

‘Priorities my well-being and to not feel guilty,’

Oh, do I feel guilty. Why do I allow people to have so much weight over how I view myself? I should have the executive decision on my life but give that power to others (no wonder I feel terrible). I want to dictate how I spend my time and with whom. Still, I feel suffocated by the immense guilt after establishing a clear boundary. I am afraid of the response and letting others have the opportunity to form an opinion on me. I want to do me without people thinking it is an insult to them. I refrain from prioritising myself because who am I? This other person is clearly better than me. My brain feeds this narrative of ‘You should be prioritising them as they are more deserving of your time so go be with them now’.

‘Not critique others’

I have never lived in their shoes. Why do I feel the need to comment on anything? I want my default to be to not make conclusions on a life I have not lived. I am quite okay at this already, but sometimes I fall back into this habit. I feel so ashamed. I want to offer love and not perceive people negatively and potentially cause them to feel judged. Still, I struggle because then how do I give advice? I want to learn to give advice without declaring what I would do. Most times, I prefer to listen and not give advice, but I do not feel helpful. How will the speaker register I am present and listening without forcing inauthentic wisdom doing their throat?