Thunder Rolls-part 5

The Marvelous (Mis)Adventures of KD & Jenn

Image by Prawny via

Thinking we were home free, taking in gulps of air through the open windows, enjoying the sounds of nature, I began to back out of Glenn’s long driveway. We immediately began plotting and planning how we were going to take Glenn down once and for all. Pulling out of his driveway, without a care in the world, Glenn suddenly came rushing to us with such alarm that for some odd reason I stopped driving to see what was wrong.

Knowing Jenn was staring at me without even needing to look, I took a moment to brace for the eruption that was sure to rumble in the car. “Oh man, here comes Glenn…” I said to Jenn.

Jenn snarled in a possessed voice, “What does he want?”

“How do I know, do I look like a mind reader!?” I threw my arms up in the air.

Staring at Glenn who was in front of her car, hands on the hood, smirking at us, Jenn spoke in a chilling tone, “He’s a pesky little thing, Run him over!

I knew by her tone she was serious, yet something made me want to start to laugh, God help me, I was saved when out of no where a sharp, bright, lightning flash illuminated the sky. No sooner did that happen then the sky turned grey and buckets of rain poured down on Glenn. Part of me pitied him standing out in that, I wished we could just watch this storm, but Glenn was a persistent fellow. I had to shout over the thunder, “What do you want barf-breath?”

Not looking amused, Glenn said, “Get out of the vehicle, I need to speak to you, KD, and you, too, Jenn. I realize the two of you have the wrong impression. I’m deeply concerned for you and I need you to get out of that car now so we can settle this once and for all.”

Jenn and I looked at one another. Something was different. He seemed very serious and no longer scary, more alarmed. Jenn ripped her seatbelt off and before I even had a chance, the choice was made for us. “Fine, what do you want, Glenn?” Stepping out of the car and we walked toward him.

Watching Jenn and Glenn begin to banter my vision suddenly became fixated by the strangest figure. I tried to yell out to Jenn, but no words would form…It’s not often a person sees another figure come charging full steam, running like a wild animal toward us screaming, “I’m going to kill you!” Swallowing hard, gaining my composure, I realized I needed to snap out of my stupor and help my friend and my…? Bad smelling, wierdo of a frenemy…?

All our eyes were glued to this lunatic that was coming like a freight train, wild-eyed. I think she even had a fake eyelash stuck on her upper lid or at least I was hoping it was that and not a giant caterpillar. Her blonde hair laid flat to her face from the rain. I couldn’t help but notice her over inflated lips that had bright pink lipstick on them. I stood there mesmerized. “Ug, snap out of it, KD!” Shaking my head, looking around, I thought, “This has got to be a dream, wake up, I can’t take it!” While everything seemed to be moving in slow motion my eyes caught a shiny object she had hidden behind her, somehow it didn’t even seem odd…Right as the words began to form, “She has a sword!” a huge thunderbolt shot out of the sky at the same exact moment she raised her arm up to strike…

As fast as it all happened, it was now over in a sizzling cloud of smoke. It sort of reminded me of a plate of steaming fajitas. We gathered in a circle where she laid on the ground, sword melted in her hand, the grimace on her face I won’t soon forget, nor those big bodacious lips.

“I recognize her shoes, that’s the “body” I found standing in your closest!” Realizing my blunder, I said, “You remember right, Glenn…?” Looking over at him with a slight smile, I realized he was having none of it. “I was only trying to help, I heard something in your closet, I thought it was mice, I had no idea it was this nut-ball! I was hoping it was body armor. She must have hidden in there.”

Shaking his head in disgust, he said, “Obviously she was hiding. While we’re having this nice little chit-chat, I might as well tell you girls, I know her, she’s my crazy ex-wife.” Our mouths dropped open so widely a bowling ball could’ve fit in. “I didn’t realize things had gotten so out of control, but I knew it was getting bad enough that it warranted me to be worried, and ever since you and I started working together, KD, I noticed she started acting even odder.”

It was Jenn’s turn to unleash her fury, “Odder, what was the warning signal, her wielding a sword or playing peak-a-boo in your closet?” While we’re talking about your beloved, its obvious it wasn’t a “clean break.” I’m curious, did she have red eyes, too?”

Glenn shook his head. “No, green.”

I couldn’t resist. “How about her breath, Glenn, was it putrid like yours? I mean it’s hard to tell at this point…”

Glenn started to smirk. “Nope, it was always sweet, unlike her disposition. Look no need for you two to get all tangled in this mess. Go home and get some rest and we’ll talk about this in the morning. In the meantime, I’ll call the authorities.”

Agreeing to have him meet us at my home in the morning, we decided to get out of there as fast as we could. The whole thing seemed like a dream. Maybe a good night sleep would help put some perspective on things.

I woke up to the sound of the Temptations, “Just my Imagination” was playing on the radio…As I stirred and stretched I couldn’t help but have such a smile on my face, feeling such optimism. Yes, it was a beautiful sign, all the insanity of the last few days was only a crazy dream, all made up. Jumping up with a surge of energy and a feeling of can-do, I noticed the “note” and everything came flooding back…Glenn, the body, the possibility that I, too, had murdered someone…All I knew for certain was Glenn had some explaining to do!

There stood Jenn, in my doorway, loyal and prompt, with coffee, bless her. “Are you okay? We were worried about you?”

Staring at her in total confusion, I asked, “We?” Just then, puke-face walked in.

“Hey, KD, how are you feeling today, any better? You really had us worried.” Glenn said with a concerned look on his face as he walked past me and sat down on my couch.

Closing my door and walking into my house, he joined us in my family room, “You mind filling me in on what the two of you are talking about? You’re talking tongue and it’s starting to freak me out!”

Jenn looked horrified. “O my gosh, you mean you don’t remember falling and hitting your head!? I was so scared I thought you were dead, it was so quiet, I’ve never seen you not talk for so long!”

Smiling so large it actually hurt, I said, “You mean none of this happened, you mean there was no crazy lady that tried to kill us and was hit by a thunderbolt?”

“Oh, yeah, that happened, didn’t you get my note…? I left a note saying I took care of the body. I was worried you may wake up and wonder, so I wanted to let you know I let the police know and they took care of it. I left you and Jenn out of it, no worries.” Glenn smiled and winked his one hazel eye at me, I wasn’t so sure what color the other was…?

Still very confused, I said, “You mean I didn’t kill anyone?”

Jenn started to laugh. “Oh my gosh, no, I guess I’ll have to hang out with you and have some ice-cream and fill in the blanks.”

“As much fun as all of this is, I came for a reason. I still want you two to work for me. You two could make a boat load of money, as it is you have gone out of your way to try to investigate me.” Glenn looked from Jenn to me. “We all know how nosey you are, why not benefit from it?”

After a long negotiation we agreed to not work for Glenn, but work with him, making it clear we’re never to be controlled by him and he’s to always have not one, but three sticks of gum in his mouth at all times while in our presence.

Unable to control myself, I just had to ask, “Glenn, are those really your eyes or were they contacts you popped in to scare us?”

Giggling, emitting a puff that smelt like cabbage and sauerkraut, he said, “Oh, KD, you’re so silly…I have to be going now. I’ll see you both at my house tomorrow at 9am sharp.” Glenn got up and walked toward the door to leave, then turned back around. “Have a good day, ladies.” He flashed his eyes bright red and with that he was gone…

Jenn let out a shriek. “I don’t care, I’m still in, he scared me, but not as much.”

Shaking my head, I said, “Rather know the devil you’re with, than the devil you don’t…at least we smell him coming, he’s starting to grow on me…”