Gratitude: When it’s helpful,and when it’s not

“You can be both depressed and grateful — and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise — but you’re entitled to days where you don’t feel grateful at all.”
— Heather Loeb, author

Gratitude can be defined as shifting focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right. Common ways of practicing gratitude include telling someone you appreciate them, keeping a gratitude journal, or pausing to reflect on what you’re grateful for.

There are a number of reasons you might want to practice gratitude. It can positively affect sleep and cardiovascular function, increase awareness of positive moments, and protect against stress and burnout.

However, practicing gratitude is not helpful when it:

• Shuts down or dismisses emotions. When that happens, you might feel a reduced sense of self-worth. You might feel you shouldn’t have certain emotions or feel guilty for not being more grateful.
• Causes comparisons. Comparing your situation to someone with “worse” problems doesn’t address the issues you face. Comparison prevents recognition of you as a unique person with a unique set of needs who is worthy of attention and care.
• Is used as a “treatment” for depression or anxiety. Practicing gratitude has benefits, but it is not an intervention for mental health conditions.

These unhelpful uses of gratitude might prevent you from asking for the help and support you need. Instead, consider more beneficial approaches:

• Appreciate the presence of the positive, rather than lack of the negative. “Feeling appreciative for good health is different than being grateful for not being terminally ill” (Leslie Becker-Phelps Ph.D., Psychology Today).
• Allow other emotions to exist along with gratitude. “For instance, being grateful that you ended a painful relationship does not mean the hurt and disappointment you feel aren’t real or important” (Jacquelyn Johnson, PsyD, and Hope Gillette, PsychCentral).
• Be real. Trying to be grateful when you don’t want to — for whatever reason — may not be healthy. Don’t force yourself to feel gratitude because of shame or guilt or because someone else thinks you should (Heather Loeb, National Alliance on Mental Illness).

If you don’t practice gratitude or feel grateful, that’s OK. It could mean that practicing gratitude isn’t helpful to you at this time. It could also mean your body and mind are asking you to stop, notice what you’re feeling, and reach out for support. An EAP counselor can help you understand your experience and develop solutions to improve well-being. Request an appointment online or by calling 877–313–4455.

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The Washington State Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a free, confidential program created to promote the health, safety and well-being of public service employees and their household adult family members. EAP provides counseling and other resources to support well-being, address workplace concerns, and help with legal and financial issues. Reach out to EAP online or call 877–313–4455. To find out if the Washington State EAP serves your agency or organization, contact your supervisor or human resources department.

Links to external websites are provided as a convenience. The Employee Assistance Program and the Department of Enterprise Services do not endorse the content, services, or viewpoints found at these external sites. Information is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to replace the counsel or advice of a qualified health or legal professional. For further help, questions, or referral to community resources for specific problems or personal concerns, contact the EAP or other qualified professional.