Growing Pains

I recently submitted some of my work to be included in an exhibition on the art of Vietnamese women. I was excited, throwing myself full force into the task. However, upon receiving word that my photographs would not be included in the exhibition, I was saddened. It seemed like the nail in the coffin, as I’d experienced feelings of marginalization from other Vietnamese spaces. As a Vietnamese and French woman, I’ve always faced the eternal battle of trying to solve the mystery of my own identity. This can aptly be described as trying to reach, in two different directions, into oblivion. Pulled two different ways, with no clear destination, an endless cycle.

Though I’ve experienced great growth in breaking out of my comfort zone, and trying to immerse myself into Vietnamese culture, it hasn’t been an easy journey. Bumps in the road, like this rejection only made me question once again my own place in the whole narrative, and why I continue to feel these feelings of cultural otherness. At the end of the day, those of mixed race identity often form and cultivate their own identity spaces. I feel that myself, and so many others have done this all of our lives. Sometimes, however, this can become exhausting, and we may feel inclined to seek acceptance from existing spaces. At the end of the day, I’ve learned that these rejections don’t define us, they’re part of a pendulum of growing pains.

Coming to face the fact that I will neither be White or Asian, that I’m both, and that I navigate this world as two distinct entities is something I still find hard to pin down. I distinctly remember taking standardized tests in elementary school, and only being able to fill in one box. Do I fill in the White or Asian one? How can I choose one when I’m both? That question always baffled me. And, it still does.