Why Is Consent Constantly Made Ambiguous?
The covert and overt sexualization of the sexuality of others needs to stop
To explore sex, there should be maturity that encompasses the physical, mental and emotional. The problem with today is that despite our new found sexual freedom, there is still no priority placed on emotional and mental capacity in ‘sexual’ adults.
This is one of the subtle reasons why enthusiastic consent is reemphasized till today, because in some way adults don’t feel the need to take on full responsibility during interpersonal relationships.
In today’s modern and stimulating world, there are pertinent questions that need to be entrenched in the curriculum of every kid growing up:
When do we realize that a human being is first human, before anything else?
Sexualizing human beings has to be a product of critical thought, not an impulse, reflex or stimuli.
Before attributing a symbol of any kind to someone, you have to first humanize what you see. As humans with savage natural roots, we have the tendency to fit whatever we see into a category, but unfortunately when we do that, we become more animalistic. We label someone we are attracted to as prey, even when they don’t want to be eaten.
Sexualization of someone else, is a non-consensual behaviour, that slowly generates into non-consensual sexual misbehaviour, especially when constantly ignored.
The cognitive dissonance that sexualization causes in us, especially when it’s mainstream, is so detrimental to our behaviour, and sadly we aren’t even aware of the damage yet. We pat each other on the back for not misbehaving, when we should be yearning for healthy-sane behaviour instead. We cut ourselves slack for being the bare-minimum.
What is healthy-sane behaviour?
Society has been a poor example of behaviour since the beginning of time. So, one would ask, how then do we even hope for the awareness of healthy-sane behaviour, when so many people still get away with misbehaviour.
Any behaviour that requires daily constant awareness has the capacity to be healthy. The choice to learn from this constant awareness, is what creates the healthy-sane possibility.
A healthy behaviour is when you realize that any kind of sexuality is more about identity than sex itself. Sexualizing the LGBTQIA community is a ripple effect of a society that lacks healthy sexual behaviour. Sexuality is more than sex, and sex is way more than consent, once you understand this, the ambiguity of consent begins to fade out instantly.
Sane behaviour is when you realize that a little kid’s sexuality has nothing to do with sex, and having a crush has nothing to do with sexual affection. Your little boy or girl, is not endangered by being exposed to other sexualities. They are very much capable of understanding, even as children, but your constant sexualization of them could keep blurring their ability to comprehend.
Seeing a lady twerking as someone who’s dancing, not attracting sexual attention is healthy behaviour. Objectifying a porn star as your sexual idol, without humanizing her/him first is a behaviour that needs to positively evolve. The choice of someone to expand the lens of their sexuality to you, isn’t a pass to sexualize them. Sex workers are professionals who provide a service and aren’t there to cater to your sexual imbalances. Sexualizing them is a projection of a toxic society, that lacks healthy-sane behaviour.
Sexualizing people requires consent, and this consent is what affects our behaviour when sharing sexual affection with others. In a society where the identity of someone is more important than the erotic currency of their attention and anatomy, consent would be so much more clearer. The human first, before the interest, before the consent, before the affection, and then the enthusiastic sane sex with the consent.
Until we accept the challenge of being healthy to one another, misbehaviour would keep thriving and hiding under ambiguous lines like “It wasn’t my intention” or “I’m sorry if you felt that way”. Yes, mistakes can happen, we are human after all, but being human is also an avenue to behave better and prioritize having a clear intention towards others.
Clear intention are genuine, and genuine intentions are those approved by the person or people at the receiving end. Taking selfish actions, and manipulating someone for trial and error is just as dangerous as non-consensual behaviour.
If he/she is not in the best frame of mind, then cuddling till the next day, laying him/her cozy on the couch, or getting a cab, is positive behaviour that must be encouraged and enforced. When you avoid that one night stand, and cuddle, you humanize each other. A world where people and their bodies aren’t seen as props for sexual fulfillment, is a world that’s truly possible and doesn’t need to be difficult or ambiguous to achieve.
The covert and overt sexualization of the sexuality of others needs to stop, for us to dismantle the ambiguity on consent and sex as a whole.
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