A Different Starting Point for Everyone
by Vanessa M. Dietzschold
Starting something I greatly value is often very challenging for me. As soon as I plan to start something, whether it’s writing this piece or starting my Wavemakers journey — my heart begins to pound a little faster than usual and I immediately dread the outcome of the process.
To my discomfort, this week I faced the reality that self-development is my hobby. Why to my discomfort you might ask? Well, I always believed a hobby needed to be a thing that you create — as in a tangible product or a skill you developed; e.g. playing the violin, flying a plane, knitting, you know the drill. I never saw my craving to develop myself as a legitimate aspect to be categorized as a hobby. I’ve always seen it as an insecurity — the idea that I simply was never happy with how I was and the drive was somewhat tainted by my weakness of never being enough for the image I expected of myself.
After receiving a WhatsApp message from a dear friend of mine, I confided in her that it felt embarrassing to claim the positive qualities she pointed out about me — or as we would say in Wavemakers terms — my authentic superpowers. Perhaps that’s exactly why I enrolled myself in this WaveMakers community, I cannot do this alone even though I know a lot about positive psychology and embodying your strengths. Heck — I even developed a personal growth intervention program a couple years back during my bachelor studies.
Apart from her I spoke to two others close to me and again it’s like they put a mirror in front of me and stuck sticky notes with “the best qualities” you could wish for as a person. Among various things they said I was:
- Pleasant to be around
- Humorous
- Significant for the world
Take a moment. Put yourself in my shoes for 1 minute. Do it now! Get your phone and turn on the timer, set it for a minute.
Ready?
Don’t spoil it and waste the chance to try this.
Okay now, imagine you message your good friend to ask them what they think are your main qualities? Or what would the world be missing without you? Then she comes back with the above answers (and more!). How would you feel?
— — I’ll give you a moment to imagine and continue reading after your timer finishes — —
Welcome back!
So, empowered by your own imagined experience, I wonder if you could relate to what I experienced. The experience that my mind said — hey of course they’re going to say all these nice things about me, they’re my friends. Maybe I should’ve asked my enemy and get an ”honest” opinion.
Not only did I ask my friend — I asked my long-time partner. So of course he thinks I am significant, is what I said to myself.
But after our WaveMakers Thursday community session talks, I had the space to process these thoughts in a safe and encouraging environment. For some reason I noticed that these thoughts are a recurring pattern I have been clinging to. Years ago, someone once was angered by the fact that I couldn’t take a compliment — and boy he was right.
I saw that these thoughts were excuses my mind became accustomed to telling me because it deemed these type of compliments irrelevant to the ideal person I wanted to become. The opposite of my aspirations.
You see, I believe these are strengths that would not serve me in becoming the 21st century professional. But just a good friend, an average joe who simply contributes to the normality of living.
Believe — not believed, not past tense. Because as much as I wish to paint you a magical picture of self-transformation, I want to spare you the expectation. However, I will tell you it is a thrilling experience of self-rediscovery. Beliefs aren’t changed by one experience, but they transform through a multitude of trials and errors.
My idea of the modern professional:
- Has a clear-cut five year plan
- Is dominating
- Prioritizes work above all else
- Has the solution up her sleeve whenever necessary
- Always saves the day
Now compare these ideals with my so-called qualities of being humorous, pleasant and being significant to the world. Out of what merit mister? Significant! Hah! What a joke!
In addition to speaking with my inner-circle, on my commute home from work I attended a guest session and he spoke of a Lover leadership archetype — which after much reflection I highly related to. But could you imagine mentioning this in a job interview?
“Hi, I’m Vanessa and my leadership archetype is Lover and I think that would greatly benefit my role as a (insert role you’re applying for) at so and so company.”
How do you change your believes?
Well I guess by getting out of your comfort zone, you know the one where you enroll yourself in a course with strangers who kind of have the same aim .
Kidding — (there’s my humour shining through a little bit by the way)
But seriously, I can only tell you about my current experience because that’s fresh — and self-development is my hobby. There I said it! And I’m significant, because well at least you are reading this right now — so that must count right?
A colleague of mine often says that every one of us has a different starting point in life and the intersectionality of our sub-identities can determine where this is. And I encourage you to look beyond unchangeable aspects of ourselves such as ethnicity, gender or class, and focus on the malleable beliefs we hold on to. Beliefs — like the five I listed above — not only subconsciously guide our daily demeanour and habits, but they are also the qualities of ourselves that we can change if we want to.
So my starting point of self-rediscovery might differ from where you’re standing. The door you need to open might look as varied as the doors you see scattered around this page, and the courage to open that door can only be initiated by you. But there’s no need to actually go through it alone, and take refuge in communities that can support you in mustering the strength to turn that knob, slide that door, or even push that squeaky-heavy wooden door in front of you.
