A New Narrative on the Male Orgasm

from hormonal changes to multi-orgasms, what you may not know about male sexuality

It seems, that the patriarchy has a problem with sexual pleasure. Whilst the female orgasm has been ignored in a male-dominated scientific environment, male sexual pleasure has been studied in a very narrow way. This has inevitably contributed to a one-sided narrative where men either strive for a type of virility that ignores diversity or feel like complete failures. If infertility is women’s worst nightmare in a patriarchal world, impotence is men’s.

Where did we go wrong?

In 1966, sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson published a graph in their book, “Human Sexual Response.” The graph modelled the male sexual response cycle, comprising of these four phases -Excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution-, with the addition of a refractory period. This model has been used for 50+ years as the standard for evaluating a male’s sexual functioning and is what has been deemed ‘normal’. So, if a man’s sexual experience deviates from this model, he is often considered dysfunctional.

This model hasn’t been critically revised or updated since, and largely still informs the way sex therapists and educators think and talk about male sexuality. Perhaps, this is science perpetuating narrow societal views of men’s sexuality or maybe it is society influencing how science studies men’s pleasure. Either way, this model is often framed as prescriptive of men’s sexual experiences, rather than descriptive.

Perhaps, this is science perpetuating narrow societal views of men’s sexuality or maybe it is society influencing how science studies men’s pleasure.

The danger of this narrow vision can lead men to limit their sexual experiences, therefore creating frustration and a feeling of inadequacy. A lack of sexual awareness leading to frustration can be linked to toxic masculine behaviours associated with domestic violence and sexual abuse.

In my work, I also explore common assumptions about male sexuality and try to analyse and debunk myths around them. Below I explore some of them and offer a new perspective for you to explore.

The one-hit-wonder myth

It is commonly assumed that men are one-hit wonders in the bedroom, quick to get an erection and unable to continue having sex after orgasm, or that men desire no-strings-attached and prefer emotionless sex because it is simply a physical release for them. None of these stereotypes is true and we will explore why.

The danger of a single narrative can manifest in the physical body, in fact when men adhere to this notion it causes them distress when they deviate from these narrow stereotypes, creating anxiety and limiting their pleasure even more.

The danger of a single narrative can manifest in the physical body

Multi-orgasmic men?

If I told you that ejaculation and orgasm are two separate physiological processes, would you be surprised?

When ejaculation and orgasm happen almost simultaneously, which is the case for the majority of men, they’ll experience a single, transitory peak of orgasmic pleasure, which is shown on the graph of male sexual response. But orgasm can be disentangled from ejaculation and thus it is possible for a man to have orgasms without ejaculating.

This multi-orgasmic, continuous state of heightened pleasure in men was studied by two other sex researchers, William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian, who published their findings as a series of graphs in a 1984 book entitled, “Any Man Can.” Their model of male sexual response allows for a much broader range of experiences with several orgasmic spikes.

Also, the standard male sexual response model focuses primarily on the genitals, offers a limited definition of orgasm as a brief peak, implies that the male sexual response is linear and simple, dismisses prostate orgasms which don’t have a refractory period, and completely excludes the elements of desire and emotion from the experience. A blatant example of how this type of mentality manifests in real life comes by watching the average porn movie, which is extremely penis-centric when it comes to the man.

Men are linear, women are cyclical

Men have periods too! They may not menstruate but they have hormonal changes throughout their life that affect their sexual drive.

It is commonly assumed that men should always be ready to have sex. This is usually attributed to the fact that men generally produce more of the sex hormone testosterone than women, which is associated with increased libido. However, men are much more cyclical with regards to their sex drive than the standard narrative would have you believe. This is because men actually experience hormonal fluctuations.

We are exposed to a limiting narrative that speaks of simplicity in male sexuality, often opposed to the commonly described complex nature of women’s sexuality.

A 2003 study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism found that testosterone levels in men vary significantly across seasons. Lowest testosterone levels occurred in months with the highest temperatures and longest hours of daylight. Similarly, a 2011 journal article in Physiology & Behaviour found that men displayed seasonal variation in salivary testosterone concentrations, such that testosterone concentrations are maximal in the fall and minimal in the summer. And, a 2003 journal article in Biological Rhythm Research found the existence of a period of 30 days and a period of 20 days rhythms of testosterone in men. The research is there, we are just not paying much attention to it.

Fluctuations in men’s testosterone levels are linked to changes in sex drive, fatigue, motivation and depression. According to psychotherapist Jed Diamond, these regular hormonal swings can be called Irritable Male Syndrome.

It seems we are exposed to a limiting narrative that speaks of simplicity in male sexuality that is often opposed to the commonly described complex nature of women’s sexuality.

How do we challenge the narrative?

Whilst lack of sex education is often linked to the spreading of sexually transmitted diseases, what is ignored in the mainstream narrative are the social, and then political, consequences that ignorance about sex can lead to.

To challenge this narrative, men could explore their sexual desires with honesty and openness and understand there is no need to fit in the mainstream assumption of what sexuality is for them.

I encourage you to explore your sexual response, play with your pleasure, feel free to be ‘not normal’. Let’s wake up to the fact that the male sexual experience is way more diverse than what we have been led to believe. This is a great way for us to fight for a more equal world.

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