Giving Up on Tragedy
On the day Elee was diagnosed with breast cancer, we went for lunch in our favourite café. It was decked out for Christmas. Tinsel and trees and sparkling lights. We ordered coffee and discussed what to do next. The surgeon said the tumour was aggressive, but they had caught it early. The odds were good. We talked about what this meant. We took our time, ordered a second drink. It felt important to act as if life was normal and ordinary, there in the café, having lunch among the early Christmas shoppers.
We headed home. Elee called her family. I called mine. We posted online to share the news with friends. We watched as messages of support started to come in. Then Elee closed her laptop. I put on the kettle.
‘This is not a tragedy,’ Elee said. ‘I don’t want people to see this as a tragedy. I just want to get through it. I just want us to both survive.’
‘We’ll do our best,’ I said.
‘I know,’ she said. ‘I know we will.’
This is not a tragedy… We reminded ourselves of this over the years that followed. And when the cancer returned unexpectedly, when Elee received a terminal diagnosis, again we reminded ourselves. Let’s not treat this as a tragedy, we said. Let’s not make it into a drama. Let’s get through it, with as much kindness and grace as we can muster.
