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My Repressive Upbringing Paved the Way for Toxic Relationships
My sheltered childhood left me unprepared for adult life.
Blaming our parents for our own failings is seen as a cop-out by some, but our personalities, values and idiosyncrasies are all influenced by our parents to some degree. As Larkin said, “they fuck you up, your mum and dad”. My parents were poor, but they tried really hard to bring me up properly. The trouble was, they tried too hard, and thought they were protecting me from the dangers of the world and the mistakes that other poor kids might make. But I just ended up making those mistakes as an adult, when the stakes were a lot higher.
People tell me I’m far too trusting, forgiving and nice. I’ve made a conscious effort to be less ‘nice’ at times, to put myself first for a change; because as I’ve discovered, people will just exploit your good nature and give you nothing in return. And when you blindly trust others to have your best interests at heart, you may as well paint a giant target on yourself for creeps and abusers to home in on.
My upbringing was totally dysfunctional. I grew up in a poor area where violence was normal and my parents tried to shelter me from that. But inside my home it was chaotic, with arbitrary and strict rules that made no sense. And all disobedience was met with an…
