With Cheryl’s support, I reduced my drinking on my own terms
I was stuck in a loop of going cold turkey then binge drinking. Cheryl showed me another way.
By Dot Spalding, Volunteer at Addaction North Somerset
The first time I met Cheryl she was able to see what no one else could. Somehow, she saw that I’d lost myself, that I was a shell of the person I used to be. It was something that I, and those who’d known me for years, were blind to. And in that moment, something shifted inside.
In the months leading up to that meeting, my days were spent going through the motions of life as a mum to two boys, but not really experiencing it. I’d lost sight of who I was and being a parent had become my whole identity. But I wasn’t even able to enjoy it. What’s more, a glass of wine had become my ‘me time’. Then that glass turned into several, then bottles at a time.
I was trying to stop but only on other people’s terms. My family wanted nothing more than to help me and thought they were doing the right thing by making all the decisions. They were desperate and felt they were helping. I went along with them because the pain and hurt I’d caused meant I felt undeserving of anything.
Cheryl was able to be there for me in a way that no one else could. She understood my addiction better than I did and knew the best way for me to get through. Stopping ‘cold turkey’ didn’t work, although that’s what my family wanted. I’d end up going a few days, even a week, but then I’d find a way to have a drink and it wouldn’t be just one. I’d binge and each binge would be worse than the last. I was stuck in a loop and I couldn’t see a way out.
Instead I reduced my alcohol intake in my own way and in full view of my family. I talked with Cheryl about a reduction plan. I felt safer doing it that way and she understood. I would ask “is this okay?” Or “ what do you think I should do?” She would gently prompt “it’s not up to me, it’s up to you”. The last step of my reduction was one drink a week.
Alcohol had a ripple effect on every aspect of my life. In my sessions with Cheryl we worked through some really difficult things happening in my personal life. She listened and told me it was okay to not be okay. She allowed me to see that even though I hadn’t been the best person over the course of my drinking, it didn’t mean I didn’t matter. I went from the lowest I could possibly be and thinking I had no right to an opinion about what was happening in my life to gradually being able to talk to people about how I was feeling. I grew more confident in speaking out when I wasn’t okay with certain situations, secure in the knowledge I had a right. Cheryl not only saved me, at this point I honestly believe she helped save my marriage as well.
At the time, my reduction felt slow. It felt even slower to the people around me, but I needed it to be gradual. After meeting Cheryl in August, I had my final drink at the end of October. That time was challenging for those around me and I understand why. There was a distance between me and those close to me, but Cheryl was there every week, telling me how well I was doing when it was hardest for me to see.
Once I’d stopped drinking, I joined the relapse recovery group. Here, Cheryl saw a confidence in me I didn’t know I had. She told me I offered good advice and really listened to what others had to say. She saw that I could be a valuable part of the Addaction team and encouraged me to volunteer. I wasn’t convinced at first but I decided to do it. I went through the volunteer training and started straight away. I now co-run two groups on a Wednesday and it is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. Being able to help people who are sat literally where I’ve sat is incredible. It has boosted my self-worth and self-esteem. I can see at least a little of what Cheryl saw in me: I am good at this. I can help people and it feels amazing.
These days, I can honestly say that I’m me again. I’m more than my addiction. I’m not “just a mum.” I’m strong, people do like me and I’m funny. I love to read, I love TV, I love horror films, pizza and scented candles. I love playing LEGO with my boys, having cuddles when they’re sad or tired and having dance parties with them before bedtime. I’m a great wife, a brilliant friend, a caring sister and daughter, a fantastic mum and a valuable volunteer. I am Dot.
If you or someone you love needs help or support, reach out. You can chat to a trained advisor at wearewithyou.org.uk.
